By Steve Wickham –

Death, broken relationships, goodbyes and conflicts. And list goes on. At the beginning of any one New Year we’re invariably so blind to the losses that will come against us in the ensuing days. We hardly ever think of the people we’ll have to say goodbye to; those we’d wish even to have one more day with. Yet death and losses like it don’t take prisoners–there’s a shrill finality about it all.

How fragile are we in reality? Turn the temperature up or down a few degrees and we feel out of sorts. Remove us from a context or take someone away–a circumstance that threatens every single moment we’re alive–and we’re patently devastated! We are very human, aren’t we? Our very identities are hooked in, in ways we can’t even extricate ourselves from–even if we tried.

And what do we do with all of this? For all of the trials and tribulations and tests and travails we seem at times to be constantly barraged by, there is in fact a glorious silver lining we often forget–that is the hope we can profess–the all-conquering hope of Christ Jesus, risen and aflame for his redeemed remnant–unto the whole of humankind and all Creation. This is the God who suffers with his people!

And these are not simply words which promise to assuage in some flippant, insensitive way. It’s about recognising that losses are intended for our benefit–in truth, in wisdom, and in maturity–in faith. Strange as that might seem. Not now but later we’ll understand a context of living that God intends for us–to realise that beforehand in faith is the task before us. We’re not to know it all–none of us does, ever–life remains a mystery.

Our only hope in life is to wander that skinny track–the way of the Lord God. Faced with the challenges we have choices. And in courage we deny the truth, not. We face the hurt and we allow all its force to hit us fair and square, with the prevailing anointing and peace of God as our front and rearguard. We are beaten down but we are not destroyed. We give up and then get back on. We surrender to the pain before we surrender to God–and that’s perfectly okay. His grace is sufficient for us… somehow… always!

We never downplay grief. It is the most crushing and paralysing force requiring honesty, strength, courage and resilience–and still it is crushing and paralysing–we think these qualities do not help, but we must somehow believe they do. Grief overwhelms us one day and then a third. It’s one good day, then one horrendous day, and so on. We find a time of space in our grief and then it sweeps over us again like a storm. We’re over it and then we’re not. Grief always takes too long.

In reality, God determines when we’re over it. Let us allow his Spirit to sooth our wounded hearts. Let us not reject the pain for too long. Jehovah Rophe, our healer, will take up our pain and bear our suffering–by his wounds we’re healed (Isaiah 53:4-5) and we can see this afterwards and that is what we hold onto. We cannot explain it and we don’t have to–but we do need God.

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. My son also died of a drug overdose in 2005. December is still so recent and your pain so raw. Take care of yourself and remember to take this journey one step at a time.

I am so sorry for the circumstances around your son’s death. I have found that now I can think of Clint without thinking of the drugs and the struggles first. I will forever miss my Clint and I will never “get over” the loss, but I am beginning to have the energy to re-invest in my new normal.

At first I saw myself as a terrible mom, but I grew to know that I did the best I could and that Clint did the best he could. You will be in my thoughts.

Gentle Hugs,
Debra

Conswayla,
I am so sorry for the death of your little one. Take care of yourself and do this one step at a time.

Gentle Hugs,
Debra

i am ur friend. i will never let go of ur hand. u can count on me to b there rite beside u in al tis empty darkness.

Wednesday lost

As “The” day draws nearer
Spirits sink lower
Fears rise, higher.
Not completely sure why,
It’s as if we expect something…or
“That” to happen again…
Anything worse…is impossible!
Still so unbelievable _ surreal almost.
Two months short of a year
And we continue to struggle to grasp the fact_
You’re gone!
How do you go about planning an Angel Day…?
When you can’t believe…
Yet register every Wednesday…
As we stare at the clock…silence engulfs…
We hold our breath…for that moment to pass…
I find myself praying that this Wednesday …
Wednesday no: 45…I WAKE UP!
The nightmare is over!
When your mom calls …I hear happiness _
Instead of the emptiness that fills her voice…
Her heart…her soul.
Sorrowfully…it’s not a dream,
This is our heart aching reality…
Leaves an unnatural feeling in our souls…
“GOD give us strength to make it through TODAY”
I open my eyes and prepare to face,
The never shifting pain…
Aggravated and worsened…
By the FEAR of every Wednesday!
(10/02/10)

Silence needed
By Shaakiera Schroeder

Today I woke
Face soaked
Eyes swollen
Today I woke with tears in my eyes.
Drenched were the pillowcases on which I sleep
Saturated like my soul…
Finding no inspiration to leave the refuge of my bed …
I sink deeper into the sodden bedding
Dragging the covers over my head.

Just two hours of restless sleep…two hours was all I managed.
I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep…
Drained…in everyway imaginable…drained past the bone,
Drained right down to the core of my soul.
No energy to move…cant move…don’t want to move.

Can’t stop the memories …overpowering…
Filling my head.
Conversations and moments_
Tears and laughter_
Dreams…desires…fears…
All we shared…
STOP….STOP.
Please stop…..
I can’t take it anymore!
Drowning…suffocating…
I can’t breathe….

The haze of fatigue sweeps over me…
My eyes drop close…
As they painstakingly open then close…
You begin to fade into the mist.
Promised silence entices me_
Quiet is all I crave…alone is all I need!
Stillness is granted for mere seconds…
Peace fleeting…

Dreams are haunted…eerily preoccupied…
Swamped with images of you.
So vivid…
Taste …smell
Everything so real…
I swear I can feel your arms around me
Embracing…
I pray- don’t let me go”
Familiar voice…Mouth promising …
”I love you…everything will be ok”
Lies …sweet….sweet …lies.

Last night I dreamt I lost you…
This morning I woke to reality…
And found its true!
08 December09

The Clearing (a Sonnet)
By Shaakiera Schroeder

I hear the screams of centuries falling
Compassion, tumbling…down
Values, landing…loudly
Chainsaws…cutting…
Right through our very hearts,
Trucks dragging…
Lifeless…
Humanity…

I tear through the thick of it
Struggling to stay on my feet
Terrified I run…I run,
Blinded by the darkness…

Suddenly as if commanded to halt
I’m stopped by the tiniest sliver of light, accompanied by an invisible force filled
With so much promise of what I yearn for.
It draws me into a world so…
Spiritually diverse…

On either side Life…
One side …so many ugly things humans are capable of.
Anger, resentment…even hate
The other….wow the other….
Acceptance…contentment…
Love as pure as the day God gave it to us.

My mind craves silence
Without uncertainty…
I step confidently through the lush protecting the light.
Welcoming me…a Clearing…so beautiful…
Completely naked in its magnificence …
Except,
For an extraordinary centerpiece of rocks,
Nestled safely between two sky scrapping trees…
towering…threatening, like two hired guards,
The rock gently embraced by its roots protruding from the earth,
Covering the once solid boulder,
Now holds a million pieces together so hauntingly tender…
Roots and rock as one.

Outside the deafening world goes on…
Screams…
Sawing…
Dragging…
Oblivious and blissful in their ignorance…

Inside….cleared minds,
Complete calm…
Sheltered by,
Unconditional Love and
Absolute devotion.

Rooted (Anchored in stone)
By Shaakiera Schroeder

My roots are your roots,
What nourishes you, also nourishes me
That which devastates you, will destroy me
At first you stood in the center of the world
So sturdy…so strong…a Rock to all,
Life ripped from you_
Shattered to pieces…
Shattered to the core.
My roots are your roots,
When you bleed,
I bleed.
Our souls entwined…
Leave the comfort of the earth…
My roots tenderly, envelope every little piece,
Come undone…holding together…
Never letting go…
My Roots is your Rock,
Your Rock is my Roots,
Our love…rooted in the earth,
Our Friendship….
Anchored in stone.

There are no answers to our whys
By Shaakiera Schroeder

There are no answers to our whys
I wonder if this life is nothing but a splendid lie…
If all can be over in a split second of time…
There are no answers to our whys…
Neither reason nor rhyme_
No time to say a final Goodbye…
When it’s over…
There are only Cries from the lives we left behind to continue the lie…
There are no answers to our whys.
30/06/09

Dear Jennifer,

I am so very sorry to hear about your precious son. Your situation is very similar to mine. On July 23, 2007, we lost our beautiful daughter Cassie to a drug overdose. She was with “friends” that night who left her in our van outside the house all night. My husband discovered her as he was leaving for work the next morning. It has been grueling and my husband and I, like you and many others, have a lot of guilt. It’s part of what we have to work through. The guilt I am still struggling with. I want you to know that the horrendous suffering does ease! Unfortunately, we have to walk through it first. Please take care of yourself. That is very important right now. I worked out three days a week for the first year after Cassie died. It helped to relieve some of the tremendous stress that I was under. I also started reading a lot of grief books and found this site within a week of Cassie dying. It helped me to read about and listen to other’s stories because I felt that no one else understand what I was going through. Unfortunately, there are many who do.

I truly hope you can find some peaceful moments and please allow yourself to enjoy them!

Jayne Taylor

I lost my husband on Oct 17,2008. We were married 20 years. My husband was 51 when he died. After reading many of your comments, I would just like to say, NO, you’re not crazy, I felt many of those ways for the first 6 months. And some things I still continue to struggle with. I would definitely urge you all, don’t make any major changes until the fog has completely lifted. Major decisions may seem right at the time, but they will bite you in the end. And don’t beat yourself up for making them anyway!!! If you can afford to stay in your home if you have children, do it. Redecorating took away that feeling that I couldn’t bear to be around all the memories. And staying in our home helped my 3 teenage children to feel secure.
Today, someone made the comment to me that I should get remarried. A year ago I would never have even entertained the thought. But today, even though I am not ready to do that, I can see that if God brought someone into my life again, I could see that I might do that. I am just now able to begin a new life as 4 in our family. I don’t wake up with that horrible pit in my stomach anymore. I think about the future of me and the kids. I am able to use all my brain instead of half of it. I am able to receive what is offered in the way of help to fix things around my house, or help with picking up my kids, and even people giving me money for groceries. It is a new life, one I would never have picked, but I trust the Lord and I am relying on Him to bring me through this journey.

Hello Jennifer,

Try not to be so hard on yourself. The grief road is a never-ending journey each of us must take. You have done nothing wrong. I applaud your getting out there so soon after your husband’s death. I have no doubt you were faithful. You’re a good woman and I enjoyed reading your comment above. Thank you for sharing. Just remember, we’re not alone. Keep smiling. You’re beautiful.

Hugs,

Linda Della Donna
Founder/Director
http://www.griefcase.net
http://www.bookorbust.blogspot.com