Four months ago my daughter was killed in a car crash.  Her sudden death on a snowy night stunned her 15-year-old twins and sent shock waves through the entire family.  Many of us are still in shock.  I know I am.  One moment, I know my daughter is gone.  The next moment, I can’t believe it.

Nobody can grieve for me and I am working hard on recovery.  But my grief flares when well-meaning friends say, “Last year was a hard one for you.”  Last year?  It has only been four months since my daughter died.  When friends say this they are expressing caring and the fact that their lives have moved on.  Though my life is moving forward, it is moving at a much slower pace.

Time is different when you’re grieving.

My daughter was killed on the 23rd day of the month and I don’t like to see that number on the calendar.  I think of my daughter hundreds of times a day.  Time goes backwards on the 23rd of each month.  In my mind I see pictures of my daughter as a baby, toddler, elementary, high school and college student.  Most of all, I think about the things my daughter accomplished in her short life and hope she knew she had “made it.”

Time goes backwards when I see the gifts my daughter bought for me.  Each one was chosen with care.  Some, like an embroidered apron, were made with love.  When the twins gave my husband his birthday present, an astronomy book my daughter bought for him months ago, time went backwards again.  His pleasure in the book was clear and so was his grief.

In the middle of the night time often stands still.  I awaken from a sound sleep and realize I am crying.  Once I am awake I’m awake for several hours.  Disjointed thoughts come to mind: memories of our last Christmas together, working together at the church rummage sale, and the talks we shared.  Though time is passing I feel stuck in time.

Time inches forward again when I am with the twins.  They still come for dinner every Sunday because that is what their mother would have wanted.  She started the tradition and my husband and I and my former son-in-law, want to continue it.  Painful as it is, we tell stories about my daughter — the twins’ mother — and her joy in being a parent.

What will the future bring?  Though I can’t predict future time, I know these things.  I will savor every day of my life, every moment with my husband, and every moment with my grandchildren.  The best gift I can give them is the gift of my time.  For the hours I spend with my grandchildren will help them remember their mother and the life skills she gave them.

Time is different when you’re grieving.  Thankfully, healing comes with the passage of time.

Copyright 2007 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been a nonfiction writer for 28 years.  She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists and the Association for Death Education and Counseling.  Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com  A five-star review of the book is posted on Amazon.  You will find more reviews on the American Hospice Foundation Web site (School Corner heading) and the Health Ministries Association Web site.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Harriet_Hodgson http://EzineArticles.com/?Time-is-Different-When-Youre-Grieving&id=630738

“You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.”
- Kahlil Gibran

Death comes knocking on every door, and we have no choice but to mourn silently while life passes away. The possibility of death is always with us. But in our rush to glorify the living, we turn a blind eye towards death. That is why we are so unprepared when death finally finds us - through someone we love, or in the course of our own journey.

One of the most painful things about death is that it is like a door, beyond which we have never seen. No one knows what happens on the other side, or if there is another side even. All we can do is stand on this side of the solemn door and wonder …and wonder. It is because of this inconclusive nature of Death that most of us find it hard to accept it. If only we could know for certain…that our dear ones are taken care of, that there is no pain any more, that there is a return to life, that we shall meet again…

One way to handle grief is to understand it. Another way to cope is to philosophize it. Reading books helps us do both. When we read about other people in grief, we discover that we are not alone and that what we are feeling is nothing new. It somehow helps take the edge out of the pang to know that others have traveled the same road before you. We also begin to see that there is a Grand Plan in life that cannot be defeated or postponed.

Suggested readings:
“I Can’t Stop Crying; It’s So Hard When Someone You Love Dies” - John D. Martin, Frank D. Ferris, Robert Buckman
Written by professionals dealing with death, loss and grief, this book is an invaluable reference book for those facing a crisis. The book contains practical examples that show the effect of grief on inter-personal relationships. It also explains the process of grieving and makes people understand that they have every right to feel whatever they do - be it anger, sadness or hopelessness. It even tells you how to ‘break’ the sad news upon other people and help them during those immediate hours of need.

“On Death and Dying” - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
According to one reader, only two groups of people need not read this masterpiece - those that are not mortal, and those that cannot read. For every one else (that’s you and me), this book is a must-read. The main aim of the book is to ’sensitize family members of terminally ill patients …to the implicit communications of dying patients’. The interviews given in the book are, in the most part, by people who are facing death. After reading this book, you may begin to see that although death is not be a happy subject, it needn’t be a dark and menacing mystery any more.

“Safe Passage: Words to Help the Grieving Hold Fast and Let Go” - Molly Fumia.
The words of comfort offered in this book move the reader through the rough and raw emotions of pain, anger, guilt and hopelessness to acceptance and transformation. The book consists of short meditations that help you deal with and understand the various stages of grief. This book has been used by many as a mainstay of their lives when they were going through intense pain and loss.

“You Can Help Someone Who’s Grieving” - Victoria Frigo, Diane Fisher and Mary Lou Cook.
Filled with common sense advice on how to help a grieving friend, it addresses the problem of helping a friend through the grieving process. It clearly states why we feel so uncomfortable dealing with grief and comes out with practical suggestions on how to help.

Memorial Urns provides products and information to help people move forward after their loss. We carry a wide selection of [http://www.memorial-urns.com/memorials_99.html target=blank]affordable cremation urns and [http://www.memorial-urns.com/memorial_gift.html target=blank]memorial gifts.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vaughn_Balchunas http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Importance-of-Memorials-in-the-Grieving-Process&id=460311

Crying comes with the grief territory. You may sob uncontrollably right after the death of your loved one. Later in the grief journey you may cry at odd times and in odd places. Worse, you may start to cry without any warning. These crying bouts may upset family, friends, and others around you.

Bob Deits writes about crying in his book, “Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life After Experiencing Major Loss.” According to Deits, “Well-meaning friends will reward you if you can keep from crying in public.” Though crying is appropriate behavior, if you don’t cry friends will tell you are strong and doing well. But Deits says not crying is inappropriate behavior and puts you at risk of physical and emotional illness.

What can you do if you start crying in public? I asked myself this question many times after the death of four loved ones in nine months. These steps worked for me and, hopefully, they will work for you.

1. Accept your tears. My daughter and father-in-law died on the same weekend. A few days after their deaths I started to cry in a discount store. Shoppers stared at me and some moved away. Thankfully, a friend saw me crying, walked up to me, and gave me a hug. Her acceptance of my tears enabled me to finish my shopping.

2. Re-direct thoughts. You are grieving because you have lost someone you loved. I sobbed for weeks and often in public. Thinking positive thoughts about my loved ones helped me to stop crying. I thought about my daughter’s accomplishments, for example, and my father-in-law’s humor.

3. Take a break. In “Life After Loss” Bob Deits writes about days that seem to be going well and suddenly turn sour. This happens to all grieving people and when it does, Deits says, “You need to go home and take a break until your regain your composure.” My breaks have included crying in my car, not going to meetings, and reading a mystery.

4. Drive carefully. Helen Fitzgerald, in her book, “The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends,” details the dangers of driving while grieving. Dozens of people have told her they went through red lights or crashed into cars in front of them while overcome by grief. “Don’t let this happen to you — you have enough stress in your life already,” she warns. If you are sobbing pull over as soon as possible.

5. Stop what you’re doing. Grief is an up and down journey, Grief spasms are one of the downs, according to Therese A. Rando, PhD. She defines the term in her book, “How to Go on Living when Someone You Love Dies.” A grief spasm is “an acute upsurge of grief that occurs suddenly and often when least expected,” according to Rando. Grief spasms can make you feel like you have lost control. When you have a grief spasm Rando says you should stop what you are doing and deal with your feelings.

6. Get some support. Judy Tatelbaum lists sources of help in her book, “The Courage to Grieve: Creative Living, Recovery & Growth Through Grief.” She divides support into two categories, People and Other. The people who may help you include family, friends, neighbors, collagues, your doctor, and clergy. Other sources of support include meditation, artistic pursuits, and support groups.

Crying is a normal grief response. You cry because you loved someone and that person is gone. But love, when you keep it close, may be stronger than grief.

Copyright 2008 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been a freelance nonfiction writer for 29 years. She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists and the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com

You will find a review of the book on the American Hospice Foundation Web site and the Health Ministries Association Web site. Please visit Harriet’s Web site and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Harriet_Hodgson http://EzineArticles.com/?Six-Steps-to-Take-When-Youre-Grieving-and-Cry-in-Public&id=1100360

I worked at the Safeway, close to downtown Victoria, and there was a particular gorgeous customer, who came in, only about twice a week. But every day, I hoped to see him. Even though he had asked me out twice, and I’d declined, as I was twice divorced and therefore terrified of making yet another mistake. On one of my weekly trips out to see my Mom, I complained to her about him, and Mom did something she’d never EVER done. Told me, loudly, to ask HIM out! Well, I thought she was getting old & losing it, so I more or less ignored her statement. But, I didn’t forget.

After more time had passed, I discovered that he was one of the top Carpenters in the city, so I asked him if he could do some minor repairs to my apartment in late fall 2003.

Shortly after that, we had our first dinner out, and started sharing & basically putting pieces together then found out who the other one really was ! And all this time, the boy from Powell River, had been right here. That handsome boy at Nanoose Bay Camp!

We started recounting days, months, years of our life’s, and mistakes we’d made. Our lives were unbelievably, near identical ! During my two previous bad marriages, I had thought & wondered of him so very many times, and he the same of me ! And after our meeting at Nanoose Bay, he had gotten my address from my dearest Aunt who was the Supervisor at the time, and mailed a lovely lavender stone on a gold chain. When it arrived, I had given it to my Mom, as she loved that colour, and I figured that someone that good looking, would never want me, therefore I didn’t reply to his letter.
Something I’ve never forgiven myself for.

Since I’d happily & finally been single, I’d seriously thought of driving up to the Ferry & going to Powell River, and somehow finding the Mill, to ask about him. Which was stupid, as I didn’t keep that precious letter, therefore didn’t even know his name.

We were married April 17th, 2004 ! (I only discovered recently that Christ was actually born on that day, and not December 25th.)

It was almost immediately afterwards that he took ill, and for someone in such excellent physical condition, went slowly downhill for the next three years.

Gary never took off his wedding ring or crucifix, but on April 12th, 2007, he asked me while so ill, laying in bed, to take them off, without giving a reason. It scared me so much, as my dear Mom had done the same thing four years prior, and just 2 days before she passed away!

And, so, my handsome, kind, loving, thoughtful Christian husband, the only man of my dreams, who gave me the best three years of my life, just slipped away & joined my Mom & Dad in Glory, on April 14th, 2007. I had never ever been treated as well, or loved and adored, the way he did me.

Well, it’s been 14 months since I lost him.
I didn’t realize just how horrific a broken heart could be. I’ve heard others say, it was like literally having half your heart ripped out. And, they were so right !

To let others know, isn’t easy, but for some reason, the last few days have felt like its been pressing on me to write this & share my story. This has been the most difficult journey of my life !! And no, it doesn’t get any better with time !

Around April 21st, 2007, in our bedroom, about 15-20 min after I’d gone to bed, the chain attached to our blinds, for winding/moving them, loudly rattled. At first, I thought it was our Cats, but no, as each and every single night it happened, I would find where they were. Then thought it must be the wind, even though they’d never rattled before. So then I thought it must be the wind, as we live right by the ocean, but again, no, as we face the opposite direction.
I had also seen many times, shadows here and there, since Gary’s death. And almost everytime, our kitties would charge out from where ever they’d been, either sleeping or playing, to sniff the exact same area I’d seen the shadow in, just seconds before.

So, after a few days, I realized, it was my Gary ! Well, it’s amazing, how time does go on and on. But everything remained the same around here. Until one night……..April 20th, 2008 !

Gary’s eldest daughter, had been working overseas, with the United Church for a year, starting almost around the time she lost her Dad.
Her only sister & Mom had been with me for the Burial Service, but I’d often thought of her. For some strange reason on that night, I felt a sudden need to phone their house. Well, I was pleasantly surprised when she answered, telling me she was back from abroad for a while. It was just so lovely to hear her beautiful voice, as I had desperately been wanting to tell her, how very much her Dad was proud of her, and as I did that, from the far bedroom, the chain on the blinds rattled !!!!
And they haven’t rattled since !

So, dear readers, that was my wonderful husband, telling me, that I’d finally done what was so important to him ! Just to let his first born know, how proud and pleased with her actions, at the young age of 19, that he was !! (I’ve often wished I had done the same with my life, instead of destroying 25 years on 2 bad marriages, my Mom had forbidden!) And here she was, devoting herself to the work of our dear Lord & Saviour !!!

I’ve been told to write a book on our lives, by those who knew us best. But unfortunately, both sides of our family’s would not like or allow.

Just remember something that I was taut as a very small child, & never have forgotten: Christ will NEVER leave us, or forsake us ! No matter how stupid, idiotic or just plain disastrous we make our lives. He will carry us through !

These Bible scriptures have literally been my sustenance & strength:

My Child, you may not know me, but I know everything about you! (Psalm 139:1)
I know when you sit down & when you rise up. I am familiar with all your ways! (Psalm 139:3)
For you were made in my image! (Genesis 1:27)
You are my offspring! (Acts 17:28)
You were not a mistake! For all your days are written in my book! (Psalm 139 15-18)
I determined the exact time of your birth & where you would live! (Acts 17:28)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope! (Jeremiah 29:11)
My thoughts toward you are as countless as the sand on the seashore! (Psalm 139: 17-18)
And I rejoice over you with singing! (Zephaniah 3:17)
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you! (Psalm 34:18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart! (Isaiah 40:11)
One day, I will wipe every tear from your eyes & I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered here on this earth! (Revelation 21: 3-4)
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love! (Romans 8: 31-32)
My question is, will you be my child? (John 1: 12-13)
I am waiting for you. (Luke 15: 11-32)

My deepest prayers are with those of you, who are also heartbroken, in grief and despair.
God Bless.

Sincerely yours, in Christ alone,
Sheila Joyce Gibbs
sjgibbs@shaw.ca

‘In loving Memory of Gary William Gibbs’.

If you are looking for something a little special as a funeral keepsake to remember those loved ones who have now departed, look no further than the ideas that are provided below.

1.  Remembrance Heart

This funeral keepsake is a beautifully carved semi-precious stone heart that comes with a personalized note card and is packaged in a beautiful organza drawstring bag.

Not only can this heart provide them with a memento that can be passed down from generation to generation but it will also provide your loved ones with comfort when grieving over their loss.

Certainly family and friends will cherish the memories even after the deceased has left them and many find the soothing effect of holding on to these heart shaped stones a real comfort during the funeral service.

2.  Photo Funeral Programs

If you are looking for something extra special for your loved one who has now departed, a photo funeral program may be the ideal choice.  Not only does it provide you with a program of the funeral service but it also includes information and photos which provides you, your family and friends with lasting memories of those that have now departed.

Normally a photo funeral program is made of 4 colour printing both inside and out, will include a photograph of your loved one, either a special poem, bible text, a small brief history of their life, an obituary and if you so wish some special text that you have chosen.

3.  Floral Memory Ball

Why not create a lasting memorial to your loved one with a floral memory ball that not only celebrates their life but is something that you, your family and friends will cherish as it sits in your china cabinet or hangs in a prominent place in your home.

A floral memory ball consists of flowers (each flower is carefully selected) from the funeral service that are freeze dried for long life and then enclosed in an acrylic sphere.  To finish it off, an engraving is included of your loved one’s name and the dates of birth and death.

As you can see, funeral keepsakes no longer just have to be the usual memorial stone.  There are many items now available that will help you keep the memories of your loved one for years to come.

Need more funeral keepsake ideas?  Visit http://www.FuneralKeepsake.com to find more info on great mementos like [http://www.funeralkeepsake.com/Cremation-Jewelry.html]cremation jewelry and [http://www.funeralkeepsake.com/Burial-Flag-Cases.html]burial flag cases.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Goltiao http://EzineArticles.com/?Choosing-the-Right-Funeral-Keepsake-to-Honor-Your-Loved-One&id=445222

The child I brought into this world
Is no longer of this world

Yes it is not like the first year
When it was hard to catch my breath

Awakening each morning with the searing pain
Not wanting to believe he was really gone

Dreaming he was still with us
Searching for him in familiar places

But the fact remains
He is no longer of this world

He was a gift
That I was not prepared to return

No it is not like the first year
When I longed to follow him

It is getting used to a life
Where I always miss him

I miss his smiling eyes
And his strong hug

I miss him asking about me
And laughing at my stories

I miss the sound of his voice
I miss being called Mom

Only child of mine
Who left this world before me

Kim Hodne 9/23/06

When you become a widow your life changes and there is no guarantee of sanity in the transition. Some days are topsy-turvy; other days have a numbing calm. You wonder if life will ever be joyful again. You’re not crazy, you’re grieving.

Joy has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it, yes, even in the midst of loss. I discovered it’s a waste of energy to feel guilt over a moment of joy while in the pain of loss. I used to tell myself I had to stop being so serious and cut myself some slack. I refused to be a victim in life and I vowed not to become bitter over my husband’s loss.
Sure, it was unfair that my kids lost their dad at 11, 18, and 19, but inside each of us are life tools, and we do the best with what we have learned in life.

So how do you craft your new life as a widow? Time and patience are the best advice I could give. I had never expected my husband would die, even though he was diagnosed with end stage esophagus cancer. I was so determined he would get well, he would beat it, that losing him never was an option until the last three weeks. So I wasn’t prepared for his death, but who ever is? Stuff like this didn’t happen to me. I’d always considered myself an upbeat, lucky person. I still consider myself in that category, which is why I know from my own experience you can create a new life and be happy and feel joy once more.

I recall many days up until about two and a half years into my loss where I felt weighted down by uncertainty and indecision. I wanted nothing more than to just hide away in some safe, dark place where no one else could find me. Many days I felt a complete lack of enthusiasm for life. I worked because that occupied my mind, and in deepest grief, I often wondered if I’d ever experience true joy again. I felt off kilter, as if an essential life force had been pulled from me. I had a big hole.

For months I hung in a kind of limbo. I asked myself what was it that I wanted to do with my life? Was this empty feeling all there was? I knew I had to contribute something more - that there was a purpose for me. I wanted full knowledge of what my the next step was in my life.

As a writer I attempted to pick up my writing, but there was no passion there. I have always been a writer and to think that that well had dried up, felt devastating.

Slowly, I began to find a new me, one that I had never fully tapped into. I wondered had experiencing loss uncovered the stronger, more independent me? I have learned to live fully on my own, taking care of my children but also taking care of myself.

When I made myself step outside my comfort zone, I often found a new world waiting for me. I discovered that living a full life is all within my own control.

Elaine Williams is a writer across various genres. She is a mother and a widow of four years. She can be contacted at  [mailto:onwingspress@yahoo.com]onwingspress@yahoo.com

www.ajourneywelltaken.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elaine_Williams http://EzineArticles.com/?Crafting-a-New-Life-As-a-Widow&id=1224079

One day ago
Tears ran down my face
In remembrance of you

Two days ago I lit
A candle for you
In remembrance of you

One Hundred and Eighty Four days ago
I heard your sweet voice
Say I love you
Mom

One Hundred and Eighty Five days ago
I looked into your crystal brown eyes
And told you
You are loved

One Hundred and Eighty six days ago
I felt your warm body
Within my arms

One Hundred and Eighty seven days ago
I watched you cry
To have peace of mind

One Hundred and Eighty Eight days ago
I wonder if you
Will ever Stop

One Hundred and Eighty Nine days ago
I begged you
To STOP

Today on this day
I prayed for all
The days left in my life
Without My Little one
In them

I have been listening to your show for a while. I download to Ipod and listen in the car. Eight years ago my 3 year old son was killed when a truck backed over him while he was walking with his sister and childcare provider to the store. As you know the pain was intense. As the usual people surrounded me, and my husband stayed strong and went back to work a week later. I went through two years of intense counseling and my two surviving children did as well. My husband did
not. We were not able to collect from the drivers insurance company so our lawyer used a loop hole in the state and we ended up collecting a insurance settlement from my husbands companies underinsured motorist policy. I know that lawyers are there not to really support you but get for you what they can, and what I think we really wanted was for the driver to held accountable. However, this was very early on in the process and we basically were on autopilot and did what we were told.

My husbands company did not take the news well and he felt threatened and left. This was a job he had held for 10 years and was good at it. During this time I was able to be home with our surviving children ages 6 and 10 at the time. However, I eventually had to go back to work and currently continue to do so. My husband has gone from job to job leaving when he thinks someone knows what happens and is trying to hurt him by backstabbing him. Recently he has transferred that to our social life, we had a couple that we did everything with and he feels that they are somehow talking to the guys at work so they know about us and then they make fun of them. He has also done this to my father, and treats him with anger when he sees him. He hates everything and is extremely angry. He does not care about his health and will not talk to anyone because he thinks they will tell the guys at work. He can be very mean, and then turn around and apologize. He is not able to talk about our son unless its angry. It is getting unbearable at our house, constant fighting, I feel like I have had to give up my family and best friends. I feel that he suffers from complicated grief and depression but won’t accept help. Please if you have any information, suggestions or ideas that would be great. I feel like I am struggling upstream and
making no head way.

Wendy

Dr. Gloria Responds

Dear Wendy,
So sorry to hear about your son’s death and all of the other issues.  I frankly don’t think you can blame all of your husband’s problems on the death of your son.  After 8 years we all need to be investing in the future with your other beautiful children.  My advice to you is to reach out like you have today.  This tells me that you are ready to get on with your life.  The greatest gift you can give to your family is a happy you.  I would suggest that you contact your local social services, minster, family, friends.  You may also attend grief groups at your local hospital or Compassionate Friends.  You might even want to contact your local battered women’s shelter.  They have wonderful, free, groups for women.  Go to a couple of groups and you will hear that emotional abuse is far more difficult for them than physical abuse.  Get help for yourself and you will find than your husband’s behavior will change.  If you hesitate to do it for yourself then do it for the children.  If you have siblings look to them for support in reaching out.  You husband will probably not like you to reach out but you need to be strong and say it for yourself and not for him.  Don’t be influenced by his desire to “keep things quiet”.  There is no shame in anything that has happened to you.  Keep listening to the show.  These problems are not ones that you should keep quiet.  Reach out to the world! I would like to ask you if we can post your question and my answer on our blog.  We can change your name.  If you are having this problem I’m sure that many women are experiencing the same issues.  Take care.  Gloria

We are so very sorry for your loss. The hardest thing a parent can face is the loss of a child and murder makes it even more difficult to handle. We are glad to see you are reaching out for help. Know that it is alright to feel what you feel - there is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no time limit. In somes ways we never get over it and life is never the same, but it does begin to hurt less and allow for some degree of healing and a return to a more normal life. Right now your wounds are very fresh and very raw and it is not unusual that you feel “torn apart.” This is a time to be gentle with yourself -  to take time for rest,  to grieve in the way you need to at the moment and to involve yourself in those activities that bring you comfort. Drop your expectations of how grief is supposed to be and walk the path one day - or even one moment - at a time.

First of all we encourage you, when you are able, to find someone who can understand and that you can share your grief with. You may be able to find somone at a group such as The Compassionate Friends. There are chapters in New Mexico, although we aren’t sure how accessible they are for you. You can find them at http://www.geocities.com/tcfalbuquerque/tcfintro.htm. It would be worth the drive to be with other bereaved parents who understand what you are experiencing and how you feel. Each member has lost a child, grandchild or sibling and understands the pain of losing a child at any age. You may also find a group in Santa Fe or Albuquerque that is for someone who has lost a loved one by murder. If there are no groups available to you or if groups are not for you, you also find someone in your family, church or local community that you can confide in and who will walk this path with you. We have found that the load of grief is lighter if it is not carried alone.

We encourage you, too, to listen to our radio show, Healing the Grieving Heart that airs on Thursdays at 9 a.m. Pacific Time. You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com  You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/.  We recommend especially:

August 9, 2007
Surrendering to Grief
Guest: Iris Krasnow

May 31, 2007
A Mother’s Journey Through Grief
Guest: Beth Page

October 12, 2006
Death of An Adult Childless
Guest: Natalie Smith-Blakeslee

We will post your letter and our response on The Grief Blog. You might want to check frequently because our loving and compassionate readers often leave comments for you that give you support and help along this excruciating path you now walk,

Our blessings,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley