Our good friend Debra Reagan has a “fun” request - Let’s help her out!

As many of you know Clint loved animals and children. If he were still alive, he would probably have a house full of both. In memory of his loving spirit, we have a favor to ask of our bereaved community. A former co-worker of Clint’s has a young son that is doing the Flat Stanley geography project for school and this little boy needs post cards sent to his school from different locations across the nation and around the world. If you would like to join in with this project, please send a post card for Dante Skotzke to this address:

Sacred Heart Cathedral School
% Mis s Shaffer’s Class
711 Northshore Drive
Knoxville, TN 37919

This project has flooded my heart with memories of Clint’s school days and the projects we did together. Oh, how I miss those days. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful tribute to Clint, if Dante received the most post cards. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

Thank you so much!
Debra Reagan
http://clint-reagan.memory-of.com

Editor’s note

Debra Reagan has written many of you wonderful notes to support and console you in your grief and I have to believe they do just that. Let us tell her “thanks” by helping this boy. I know he’ll get one or more from here.

I Need Help. Will I Ever Get Over Losing My 6 Year Old Son?

Dear Dr. Gloria,

I’ve never done this before and i need some help with the passing of my son he past away on feb 23 2008 he was only 6 years old when he passed away due to a fire that happen in his fathers apt its been 6 months since he has been gone,I have this empty hole in my heart i also have two other children and i push them away i sit in my room allday i dont eat i sleep allday i dont do nothing like i use to i just want to end my life and be with my son again, dr i need help will i ever get through this

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Respond

Dear Caiu,
We are so very sorry for your loss. Six months is such a very short time after losing your six year old son and we know that your pain is enormous. It must feel like the bottom has dropped out of your life and there is just nothing that can hold you up anymore. What you are experiencing is felt by many who have lost a child, specially when it was in such a tragic and sudden way.

There are few words that can truly help. Each of us grieves in her own way and in her own time but there are some things that can give you comfort and can help you breathe again.

One of the first things we suggest to grieving parents is to look into a group called The Compassionate Friends. They have chapters all over the country and are there to comfort and support those who have lost a child, a grandchild or a sibling. Each member has experienced the death of a child and each has survived and grieved in his or her own way. If there is no chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area you may want to contact your local Hospice for a grief group recommendation. However, we understand that groups are not for everyone. If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support. We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.

You may also find help and comfort by listing to our radio show, Healing the Grieving Heart, which is aired every Thursday at 9 a.m. Pacific Time. You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/. We specifically recommend the following shows:
3-6-08 Death of A Daughter and Lies about Grief

Guest: Ann Hood
4-26-07 The Impact of Losing a Child
Guest: Esther Wender

6-26-2008 Meanings of Life, death, loss and grieving
Guests: Thomas Attig and Nancy Cincotta

The important thing to know is that you can survive this. While the pain never completely goes away, the suffering ends and you will be able to resume a normal life again with your other children. It seems, when you are in the middle of it, that a time like that can never possibly come, but it does. Sometimes it is so gradual that we fail to notice it right away.

We will post your letter on The Grief Blog because we have found that every letter gives help to someone who reads it and we are all in this together. You might also want to listen to the show on Thursday because we often read letters we have received on the blog.

We wish you comfort and peace.

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley

Lessons From Loss Are Lessons in Living Life

By JoAnne Funch

There are many lessons I have learned through loss, and I am coming to understand now that I probably knew these lessons all along, in other words they were within me, my core, who I am. However it took the tragedy of loss for me to remember those lessons and have the courage to take action and affirm how precious life is. I am not here to dwell on loss but rather support the idea that life goes on. Living life fully is a choice and one that isn’t always easy for the one going through the grieving process but the rewards of a life well lived far outweigh our sadness and grief. Read more

This Weeks Guest’s Book - Our Children, Our Hearts

Our book, Our Children, Our Hearts, contains brief writings from parents and siblings traveling this road of remembrance. Our hope in sharing these words is that readers will see that the process and methods for remembrance defies definition and formulas. But, through remembrance one can hold onto the warmth and love of our children forever. To order call: (914) 961-2818, ext. 317

TAKE PART IN RESEARCH ON VISITATION DREAMS

Has someone close to you passed away? Following their death did you experience a profound dream(s) about that person that you felt stood out from any other dream(s) you have had?

RESEARCH PARTICIPANTS WANTED
(Palo Alto, California)

I am a doctoral student at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology; my research interest is in exploring dreams of the departed during the post-death grieving period. For purposes of this study, profound dreams can be defined as but not limited to, emotionally intense dreams in which a recently deceased loved one returns in the dream state to provide guidance, reassurance, and/or warning. Read more

Opportunity to be part of a research project on grief and loss

Psychology of Bereavement

By Linda Torrey

Grief is the universal reaction to loss. It is afflictive and stressful, but also natural, and incumbent. Bereavement is the period after a loss, during which grief is experienced and mourning occurs. The time spent during the period of bereavement depends on how attached the person was to the deceased, and how much time was spent to anticipate the loss. There are no right or wrong reactions to death. Reactions and sensibility can change from day to day. Over time, the emotional swings will lessen in intensity as you learn to adapt to your changed circumstances, but to begin with it can be hard. You might wish to avoid such difficult feelings, like shock, disbelief, guilt, regret, injustice, anger, loneliness and depression but for the process of healing to occur, the pain has to be experienced and expressed. These are perceivable reactions to the bereavement process. They will lessen and eventually disappear, given time, support and sympathy.
Most of us within ourselves have greater reserves of strength than we are aware of. Mostly we don’t need to call upon them, but when we grieve we do. There may be times when you feel that it is all too much and that you can’t cope - but with these inner resources you will. Read more

Coping With Bereavement - A Spiritual Approach

By J Finnis

Divorce, redundancy, changing job, moving home etc are usually cited among the major causes of stress, but surely the most stressful thing we experience is bereavement. Our relationships with others are what really define our identity and place in the world, and when we realize that one who’s been close will no longer be around in this lifetime the impact can be devastating.

I consider myself lucky in not having to face the loss of a loved one until well into my late 30s. Though I had gained significant life experience by this time I was totally unprepared for the trauma I would undergo. Read more

The Journey Through the Grieving Process

By JoAnne Funch

There is no simple way through the grieving process, I know because I’ve been there.

In 2005 I lost my Mom and husband within a month of each other and later that same year an uncle. I have lost relatives to death before, but this was different. This was the first parent I’ve lost and the only husband I’ve ever had. When someone this close to us dies, we are devastated -on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. I hadn’t had much of a chance to grieve the loss of my mother when my husband passed and now I was grieving a spouse. All my hopes and dreams came crashing in after losing my husband, my life partner. Read more

Poetry Contest Entry: Taking a Slow Ride by Audrey Szabo

Taking a Slow Ride
by Audrey Szabo

Taking a slow moon lite ride on a winding road called A1A,
gently rocking you as if you were in your mothers’ arms,
listening and singing off key to the sweet music of John Denver.
With windows down, you fill your soul with the fresh smell of the ocean
and let your arm hang out
so that it can gently sway with the music on this winding road call A1A.

Taking a slow ride down A1A,
talking with GOD as if he is sitting in the passenger seat also singing off key,
while you tell him of things HE already knows.
And as you let your mind wonder,
you see that HE has HIS arm hanging out the window
and you watch as it, too, sways with music. Read more

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