Now That She’s Gone

By E. Raymond Rock

You’ve been with her for many years. You have shared the ups and downs, the tragedies and the triumphs. You became used to each other and shared your dreams, the dreams you both had, with bright eyes and wondrous anticipation when you were young. . . . And then one day, she was gone. Read more

Why We Need to Talk About Grief

By Elaine Williams

According to the U.S Census Bureau, there are approximately 700,000 new widows every year. To me, this is staggering, and I never thought I’d be a statistic.

I’ve been asked many times if I wrote A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss while my husband was ill. As a caretaker, and even though I have been a writer for as long as I can recall, writing was the last thing on my mind while he was sick. It wasn’t until two and a half years after his death that I decided to put my thoughts down in concrete form, since during this time I was having a hard time emotionally. Loneliness seemed to have engulfed me and was kicking me in the butt. Many days I had a difficult time getting past the grief that enveloped me. Read more

Widows - Honor The Pain, No Need To “Suck It Up”

By Beth Waddel

Today was a bad morning. I spent the morning watching television. Holiday commercials, holiday meals, holiday gifts. Why not a show on tears shed? Why not a commercial about losses experienced?

Yes, I am an advocate for managing emotions, not wallowing in self pity, but HOLY COW, is there room for anyone to experience pain, loss and melancholy? Read more

MAY 24, 2007 – THE DEATH OF A MOTHER: INTEGRATING PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL KNOWLEDGE: DAVID BROWNING.

 When David Browning was thirteen years old, his mother Harriet died after an extended struggle with lung cancer. Like many children who lose parents, the trajectory of his life was then shaped by the impact of that loss. A practicing therapist and educator for twenty-five years, David has sought to understand what it means to be a professional caregiver when one’s own identity has been fashioned by loss. He has published several essays and articles articulating the need for healthcare professionals to better understand the rich intersection between personal experience and professional knowledge. Currently, David is Director of the Initiative for Pediatric Palliative Care (at Education Development Center, Inc.), a national project aimed at transforming the culture of healthcare for children with life-threatening conditions and their families.

David Browning:  I was close to my mom, and as is true in a lot of families, children get particularly often closer to mothers especially in that generation than with fathers so the loss was kind of like other grieving people talk about these kinds of losses.  You’re really not quite sure who you are after a death like that and you’re not quite sure about your own survival after a death like that. Read more

Dr. Heidi Speaks About the Divorce Rate among Bereaved Parents

I was glad to see that Wayne Loder cited several studies done on behalf of Compassionate Friends showing that the divorce rate among bereaved parents is 12%-16%, far below the national average.  Further, I agree with my mom (Dr. Gloria) that grieving parents, do not need to be told that their marriage cannot survive a profound loss.  However, I also think it is important to present the other side of this discussion, and  to say to those of you that are divorced or are in the process of getting divorced, that in most cases this will not destroy or ruin your child’s life.  Many children today are growing up in families of divorce.  These children have gone on to lead happy, healthy, productive lives.  There are several things that you can do as parents to alleviate your children’s anxiety, and insure that they will fair well following a divorce. Read more

Men & Women’s Responses To Death

From Dr. Gloria

The following stresss rearch study is very important for all of us who have lost family members.  Again the message to me is that the fact that Phil, my husband, and I had different responses to Scott’s death was NORMAL.    Phil shut down and lost  himself in work while I talked to friends, collogues and anyone who would listen.

If you have been to a grief conference or support group you will find that around 3/4 of participants are female.  Results of this study done at UCLA find that the reaching out may be hormonal.  We know that the hormone testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they’re under stess—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen adds.  Oxytocin also accounts for the fact that women tend to cry more easily than men. 
 
UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women
 
By Gale Berkowitz
10-29-06
 
A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we
really are. By the way, they may do even more. Read more

Krystal’s Bench

Dear Heidi and Dr. Gloria,

 

I wanted to send you these pictures. Krystal’s Bench is located in St. augustine, FL at the Mission of Nombre De Dios and La Leche Shrine. (About 7 miles from our house.) I am not Catholic, but chose this place because of its beauty and sacred atmosphere.

Jo Ann Webb, Krystal’s Mom

 

Dear Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi

I feel like I am going into the pit again. As you know, the grief is with me everyday, but I was beginning to have moments of joy and even lightness of heart. But now the Pain is overtaking me again. I try to lean into the pain, relax, breath, go for walks on the beach every day, pray, sit in silence, read, but finally the pain overcomes me and I have to retreat to the guest room, close the door and let the pain engulf me.
I actually feel such physical pain that my chest feels like it has been ripped open and my heart is lying in my chest, bleeding, and in indescribable pain. Tear flow and flow and flow. Hu ge tears that feel thick and oily, not salty like “regular” tears. I pray for the strength to be with the pain and lean into it. I cry so much that I actually wear myself out, and usually fall asleep. I then get up, it usually has been about 2-3 hours since I went into the guest room, and go downstairs to spend time with Don. It has been 3 years since Krystal died, and I still feel so broken. Monday, March 5, is Krystal’s birthday, and I will be at Compassionate Friends on her birthday. I have thought of bringing a birthday Read more

For Widows Only–6 Ways To Have A Happier New Year

Happy New Year! Yeah, I know. You’re thinking what’s with this writer? Life sucks without Him by your side. How dare she use the H word and wish me a Happy New Year.

Well, I feel your pain. Really, I do, because I am a widow, too. But, I’m here to tell you, everything will be alright. No, it won’t be like it was before He left. But yes, you can and you will get through 2007–With a smile. Read more

For Widows Only-You Know You’re A Widow When

At the end of a good day you bust out crying for no particular reason.

At the end of a bad day you burst out laughing for no particular reason.

At the end of everyday, you crawl into bed and sleep on His side.

You refuse to throw away His toothbrush, His razor, His bar of soap. Because you think He’ll need them. Read more

Next Page »