Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

Today we think of each of you who have sustained a loss this year and in years past. We wish comfort and peace to each of you who have lost your mother or your child to death.

We especially honor and send love to those mothers who have lost sons and daughters in war. There are no words to express the grief we feel along with you.

But this is also a day for you to celebrate you. Be gentle with yourself as you let the memories flow. Find things you can do to busy your mind and, if you can, let the sadness rest just for today and remember the love.

Mother’s day is a difficult day for all of us who have lost a child. This what I wrote tonight. May it bring peace to those of us who have lost a child and a new understanding to those who walk by our side.

Mother’s Day is a terrible day for those of us who have lost children. This is my story:
 
This is the weekend Alicia (my daughter) would be graduating from Grad School at U of Co at Boulder. I wrote this poem tonight in honor or her and all of the other moms who have lost children. I feel like it speaks to all of us who have lost a child and I would be so honored if you would share it with the world. I have been quiet long enough..time to speak out. Mother’s Day is a horrible day for those of us who have lost children..I feel so forgotten and overlooked. I want other moms to know that they are not forgotten or overlooked..that we have children..even though they are angels. They are still our children and we are still moms. I hope you like it..and I expect you will. I think it says it all! 

Badge of Courage for Grieving Moms

Such a loss
That no heart should ever know
The loss of a child
It is our soul’s eternal foe. Read the rest of this entry »

I lost my husband right before Christmas and buried him on his birthday–Christmas Day. I still hurt so bad, that sometimes I really don’t want to live any more. I do believe that he visits me (things have happened that only he could’ve done) and my daughter is hurting badly, too. This Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not going to be good.

I have to believe that he’d want me to be OK, but I’m just not there yet.

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Respond  Read the rest of this entry »

By Sheryl Letzgus McGinnis

Mother’s Day!  The words conjure a picture of a loving mother surrounded by her children and loving family, receiving flowers, gifts, and mushy cards from her progeny, celebrating the sacrifice and love of motherhood.

This Mother’s Day the above scenario will take place again, all over the country.  It will be a wonderful day for so many, a chance to say Thank You Mom for always being there for me, for loving me even during times when I wasn’t so lovable. Read the rest of this entry »

Mothers Day and Fathers Day can be difficult days for both fathers and mothers.  We can feel so lonesome and so confused at what it means to be a bereaved parent.  It can also be a day that sneaks up on you especially when you may have felt that it was not an especially important day.  My husband, Phil, likes to call them Hallmark days.  A day invented to sell cards.  Prior to Scott’s death I never liked Mothers Day much because I would go to church and always feel a bit of a guilt trip like I didn’t feel that I was a model mother.  After Scott’s death I felt even less adequate.  The what-ifs came up for me: Why didn’t I stop him from going out?  Why didn’t I let him drive my car?  Why wasn’t I better able to deal with his death? Why wasn’t I a better parent to my living children? 

Read the rest of this entry »

Are you wondering if the pain will ever cease, if the emptiness will ever leave? Will life ever have meaning again? You may not think so now, but the answer to all three questions is an unqualified yes. And there are millions of people who can vouch for that fact.

But that does not mean you will be your old self once again. Nor does it imply that you will be somehow totally free from the anxiety of your loss experience. There are a constellation of variables that determine the intensity and the length of grief. They range from the type of death, number of secondary losses, and degree of emotional investment in the deceased to your coping behaviors, health, social support system, and expectations, to name just a few. Read the rest of this entry »

By Dr. Gloria

As I started decorating the tree this year my six year old grandson, Ryan, comes over to give me a hand.  He is excited to open the box of ornaments and help grandma put them on the tree.  We take them out of the box one by one and we discuss the merits and history of each shape and color.  Ryan is excited when I tell him that the strange looking clown with the peaked hat has his mother’s name, Rebecca, painted on the its red coat. Again there is excitement when he sees that the hand made cookie cutter ornaments have the pictures of his aunt Heather and Uncle Shawn pasted on them.  I am taken back when we take the bright shinny green ball with the name Scott glued on it with silver sprinkles.  Whose name is that grandma?  I hesitate, and look at the dear little face.  I say, “well that is your mother’s brother, Scott’s ornament”.  Oh, he says, “he died” and we decide to save it to hang later.  I notice a few days later that the ornament is still sitting in a bowl by the tree, waiting for the boy who will never return. Read the rest of this entry »

One of our guests on Healing the Grieving Heart has graciously shared with us pictures of her son, Michael, who was killed in a dorm fire at his university. Gail has since worked successfully to have the laws changed to require all state schools to comply with fire and safety standards. Thank you Gail, for the work you’ve done and especially for sharing with us from the depths of your heart.  (You can listen to her story by going to the Radio Show Archives. It aired on November 29, 200 7 and is titled Arson and the Death of a Twin Son.) Gloria

Gloria,

Here are some pictures to share. One is of Michael and Melissa in a nativity scene, another is of Michael when he was in the American Boy Choir as well as a couple of others.

This is one of the hardest times of years no matter how long its been since you’ve lost a child. One thing we do each year is buy a gift for Michael, put it under the tree, then donate it to a child in need. This gives our family alot of comfort in helping a child that is needy. As compassionate friends have taught us, we stopped an old tradition, our stocking tradition. Being that Michael loved that tradition, it was less painful to stop that tradition and an start news ones to help ease the pain. On Christmas Day, we light a candle that says “I’m here with you.” We also hang a star outside for our child from heaven to see home. Helping others this time of year and remembring your child in your own special way is about the best any of us can do.

You’re welcome to share these thought with your listeners and thank you for the opportunity to share Michael’s Story. 

                                  Warm Regards,
                                  Gail Minger

Welcome to the grief blog.  I wrote the following article with grief and in-laws in mind; however, there is some important information for all bereavement.  We know that the Holidays are a difficult time for all of you.  Take care of yourself.  Write for the blog.  Comment on others articles.  Eat healthy foods, avoid alcohol.  Ask others for help.  Let friends decorate your tree. Exercise even if it is only walking around the block.  Listen to “Healing the Grieving Heart” and take strength from our wonderful guests.  The greatest gift you can give yourself and those who love you, including the ones who will not be with you, is the gift of taking care of your health.  Grief is work and takes a huge amount of energy.  Next week the article will be on “Holiday Ideas for Bereaved Parents.  Dr. Gloria

Holiday’s and Grief:  When an In-law Won’t be Home for Christmas

In all of our lives there will be holidays where we have lost a special person.  This can be especially confusing if the person your family has lost is an in-law.  You may find yourself without the patience to deal with the surviving in-laws response to loss.  Such was the case with Mary and Robert. Read the rest of this entry »

Dr. Gloria
 
I am certain you get tons of these emails daily.  I have been reading a few things of yours online (radio transcripts etc). and felt I’d take my chance in emailing you.  On July 22, 2006 a dear friend of mine lost his son.  He was only 8 years old and he died on a fair ride in Michigan.  My friend use to be a paramedic.  He was with him when he passed and tried his best to save him.  You can imagine the burden he has been bearing.  He has had a hard time understanding why he was able to keep others alive, bring them back etc. but not his own.  He has gone through all the questioning including feeling like it was his fault for taking him to the the fair.  It has been 1 and a half years now and he still struggles ALOT.  I know that grieving varies from person to person and that the holidays are usually harder but he still has mostly bad days.  Read the rest of this entry »