Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

Anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs - is a hard journey. Holidays make it even harder. At a time when you’re supposed to feel happy and joyful, you feel sad and anxious. You’re on pins and needles and wonder what will happen next.

Remember, your grief stems from love, and you may find comfort in that. Holidays don’t erase your reasons for feeling sad and lonely, according to the National Mental Health Association, and “there is room for these feelings to be present.” So accept your feelings and, if you feel like crying, go ahead and do it. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you forgotten all about your physical needs since the death of your loved one? Perhaps you have lost all interest in life. Are you afraid to focus your attention on anything other than the deceased, because you believe to do so means you are being disrespectful?

Forgetting the self and thinking that any form of enjoyment when grieving is wrong, causes millions of mourners unnecessary suffering. The beliefs that fuel these behaviors exist and are reinforced based on a lack of information about the nature of the grief process. Read the rest of this entry »

When we got the call at 2 AM last Saturday, I hopped out of bed with the thought that anyone faced with a ring in the middle of the night would have: “Who in the world would be calling us at this hour?”

I looked at caller ID and, not recognizing the number—and seeing that it was not Nick, our son away at college some thirteen hours from home—I yawned and crawled back into bed, pulling the down covers way up over my head. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever considered why some people show little outward expression of emotion when a loved one dies and others seem not to be able to control the outpouring of feelings? Or have you ever made the mistake of judging that someone is not as sad as you expected the person would be? These are important questions because the answers you decide on will heavily influence the way you relate to and help the bereaved. Read the rest of this entry »

Grief is a natural response to the loss of something valued. Myths are falsehoods parading as gospel truths. Combined they lead to much excessive emotional and physical pain when mourning.

If you mourn according to myth it means you have adopted false beliefs about grief and how to cope with the loss of a loved one. The solution is clear: obtain information to form beliefs that are true for you and discard old beliefs that were handed down to you when you were young.

There are many myths about grief. Here are five of the most common and what you can do to reverse your thinking and reduce the unnecessary suffering they often inflict. Read the rest of this entry »

Do you have the courage to cry? In my experience, a vast majority of people I encounter seem to suppress their tears because our culture deems crying in public as unacceptable.  I wonder how it is that if you and I are to fully encourage success in life that we can also discourage our emotional response to that life.  It seems to me that inhibiting tears somehow means that you’re strong and capable; unaffected by and disconnected from the influence of others.  What I’m suggesting is that to detach from others is to be invulnerable to one’s self; to be invulnerable to your whole being, your whole life, and your whole good. Read the rest of this entry »

I remember the day as if it was yesterday.  We’d all poured out from church and were getting into cars, heading home for our Sunday lunches.

Just before I jumped in the car, I gave our friend Paul a hug, he was due to be getting married in a couple of weeks and he and his fiancée were so in love. Read the rest of this entry »

Most traumas, including the death of a spouse are potentially shattering experiences. These events can disrupt the survivor?s social, emotional, and cognitive worlds. Although there has been frequent mention in the literature that traumatic situations cause people to talk about their experiences most evidence has been anecdotal. When someone within a social network dies, members of the network are naturally drawn together. During the grieving period especially within the first few days or weeks the survivors socially share their emotions and memories with each other. Read the rest of this entry »

I feel like I am going into the pit again. As you know, the grief is with me everyday, but I was beginning to have moments of joy and even lightness of heart. But now the Pain is overtaking me again. I try to lean into the pain, relax, breath, go for walks on the beach every day, pray, sit in silence, read, but finally the pain overcomes me and I have to retreat to the guest room, close the door and let the pain engulf me.
I actually feel such physical pain that my chest feels like it has been ripped open and my heart is lying in my chest, bleeding, and in indescribable pain. Tear flow and flow and flow. Hu ge tears that feel thick and oily, not salty like “regular” tears. I pray for the strength to be with the pain and lean into it. I cry so much that I actually wear myself out, and usually fall asleep. I then get up, it usually has been about 2-3 hours since I went into the guest room, and go downstairs to spend time with Don. It has been 3 years since Krystal died, and I still feel so broken. Monday, March 5, is Krystal’s birthday, and I will be at Compassionate Friends on her birthday. I have thought of bringing a birthday Read the rest of this entry »

Not infrequently, death occurs and surviving family members and friends do not have the opportunity to say goodbye to the loved one who died. Fatal automobile accidents and heart attacks, hurricanes, murders, and many other unexpected events are the catalysts for much anxiety and deeply felt grief. Read the rest of this entry »