Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

Hi Dr. Gloria,

I have been listening to your show for a while. I download to Ipod and listen in the car. Eight years ago my 3 year old son was killed when a truck backed over him while he was walking with his sister and childcare provider to the store. As you know the pain was intense. As the usual people surrounded me, and my husband stayed strong and went back to work a week later. I went through two years of intense counseling and my two surviving children did as well. My husband did
not. We were not able to collect from the drivers insurance company so our lawyer used a loop hole in the state and we ended up collecting a insurance settlement from my husbands companies underinsured motorist policy. I know that lawyers are there not to really support you but get for you what they can, and what I think we really wanted was for the driver to held accountable. However, this was very early on in the process and we basically were on autopilot and did what we were told. Read the rest of this entry »

by Kim Perlmutter 

As the cleaning, clearing away and releasing of objects phase of this
grief is continuing….

I just woke up at 4:30 am and could not go back to sleep.  I gave up
and went to brush my own teeth and it hit me to clean out the bathroom
cupboards below the counter on Joseph’s side and his shelf in the
medicine chest.  It is surreal that the Spiderman bath bubbles, the
Power Ranger, Batman and Spiderman toothbrushes are more reminders of
silly, child centered themes. Yes, even have their own story of the
routines in the daily habit of brushing teeth…with the alphabet ball
playing songs to encourage this longer brushing habit holding the
attention span just a little easier with a built in fun distraction… Read the rest of this entry »

I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world, that your beloved child died.. let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing - just silence, emptiness.. now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. you have never felt longing like this in your life! longing to hear her voice, to see her face again,…and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it. now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. every thing you loved now hurts like hell… Read the rest of this entry »

I was wondering if someone out there could help me to understand or help my daughter (Jacquie). My son-in-law Clinton passed away from melanoma cancer in June of 2006. They together had 3 children and were very much in love with each other. Clinton was 36 years old and a very wonderful husband, father and son-in-law. The concern that I am having is that my daughter is not going through the grieving process. When Clinton was diagnosed with the cancer metastisizing to the brain Jacquie fell apart for a little bit and then she just seemed to run, such as just not being at home by going to the store-etc. When Clinton passed about 6 months later Jacquie just seemed to take it in stride, she cried some but all in all she seemed to be dealing with it very well. I figured that she was dealing with it in her own way because she has been through an extreme amount of difficult things in her life and has learned how to cope, but I think that her coping is just to go into denial. Clinton’s best friend and cousins name was Alton whom he was very close to also. Read the rest of this entry »

The death of a child is always a dreadful thing. The effect of a child’s death is often felt very widely and can have an impact on many people including the extended family, school friends and their families and teachers. Working through your grief can be a poignant process, but it is essential to ensure your future emotional and physical well-being. Parental grieving for the loss of a baby involves acute emotional suffering and has implications for the quality of the relationship shared by the bereaved parents. A relationship may be exposed to risk during the mourning process. The distinct forms of mourning between the couple creates barriers to good communication and increases feelings of vulnerability. There are not only gender differences in dealing with such situations, but also differences between women depending on the type of loss experienced. Men tend to worry, use social support and neglect the situation, women are more likely to seek spiritual support, use tension reduction, desirous thinking and seek support from others who have experienced the same loss. Read the rest of this entry »

My son died last December 6 and on Dec 10 the coroner called me and told me that the autopsy had revealed he died of pneumonia, they knew he’d had no symptoms and there were no drugs or alcohol in his system. Almost as an afterthought he told me that there would be toxicology tests that would take some time to complete and I would get the report then. I was very confused by this diagnosis. What 22 year old ever died of pneumonia that no one knew he had? Read the rest of this entry »

Just last March my 48 year old daughter, mother of 5 young girls died of a cerebral hemhoridge.My older sister and 2 of my husbands brothers came over and stayed in our house for 3 weeks to help us in our grief. It did wonders. The day that they left I really broke down. I don’t feel like leaving the bedroom, I read a lot and watch tv, no cooking, neither my husband and I are hungry much. I let messages accumulate on the telephone. Read the rest of this entry »

I cant take it.
I have no one to support me in real life. No family at all except Nana and she is over in Australia. Bobby my husband says I make him depressed and That I need help. I told him he makes me feel worse. Brendan my youngest son keeps telling me to try harder. Its so much pressure I cant take it I want to run away from them all.

Read the rest of this entry »

The following is an excerpt from Stephen’s Moon A Mother’s Journey Through Grief written by
Marcia Carter.

“Every single flower that came through the door was a symbol of
someone’s love for Stephen.  I had never before had a clue just how
much flowers meant at the time of death.
….that night feeling that all the flowers around Stephen were like a
blanket of love, that he wasn’t really alone…..” Read the rest of this entry »

April 22, 2004, my life was forever changed. My 14 year old daughter, Olivia Corinne Hoff passed away. It will be four years April 22, 2008.

As I look back now, I don’t even know how I survived. I didn’t think it was possible to live another day, another week, another month and another year, but I have. My grief journey continues to this day, such hard work, every day. For those parents who have lost a child, you all know too well how difficult this journey is. Along the way, I felt as though I were stuck, unable to move forward and, of course, not wanting to. By moving forward, I felt that I would be leaving Olivia behind, accepting life without her. I have moved on but in a different way. I will always have a broken heart, my life is not filled with joy, nor do I look forward to the future. It’s too hard to look beyond today. Read the rest of this entry »