Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

I am a 38 year old single woman, with 2 beautiful boys ages 18 and 9. I lost a lot time with my mother due to my past addictions many years ago and never even had the chance to say goodbye or attend her funeral. On Feb. 6 of 2008 my dearest father went in for what was supposed to be a “routine” prostate surgery and a cystectomy from the bladder. My father was 74 and had a history of Cardiac issues including 3 heartattacks and a quadruple bypass surgery. However, his heart was still 50% functional prior to this surgery. My father also had kidney atrophy and he lost complete function of the left kidney following this “routine” surgery. Then, he was quickly “pushed” into transitional care; short of breath and I warned them that they were pushing him to hard due to his heart condition. Read the rest of this entry »

I understand that empty whole that’s left. I have a similar experience… My Mom was about to turn 60, and as healthy and happy as anybody.

My mom, she was the center of this universe, really - even if YOU didn’t know it, the world did revolve around MY mom! She was my best friend. She was a really neat lady, full of spunk and love.

My dad found her dead on the living room floor in the morning. We don’t know what happened, didn’t even know she wasn’t feeling well. She had gotten up some time in the wee hours, walked downstairs and died of a sudden heart attack - she just died. Read the rest of this entry »

My mother had a 3 story house that is broken into one studio apartment with a bathroom in the basement, a 2-bedroom duplex on the first and second floor. I lived in the studio apartment, my mother and sister shared the first floor and my brother had the second floor duplex. We all lived there like one happy family. It’s hard to believe that 4 adults could live together and get alone but we did.

On June 23rd my sister and I were awaken by a knock on the door. My sister is a chaplain at one of the local hospital in our city. So when she say a police officer and a chaplain at our door she knew someone was dead. She called me from downstairs. The officer told me that my brother had fallen from a second story balcony and broke his neck which led to his death. He has just turned 53 years old 11 days before that. Read the rest of this entry »

My mom was very sick but young and we didn’t except her to go so soon. i miss her so much she was my best friend i could talk to her about anything. and even if she didn’t always like the topic of conversation she always sat there patiently trying to give me advice no matter what. it didn’t really matter how bad of a mood i was in or how sad i was all i had to do was talk to her and everyhting seem to be ok. i guess i just assumed she would always be there. loosing her was one of the hardest things i had to deal with. I say one because a couple of weeks after she passed away i lost my son. i was 37 weeks preganat i went in for an ultra sound and the doctor said that his heart was no longer beating. i was devastated i couldn’t breathe and felt like nothing could ever bring the joy back in to my life. i have alot of anger that i can not deal with i dont know where its coming from or what to do with it. My relationship with my husband is suffering. sometimes i feel so depressed i dont want to get out of bed. Although i know that i have to i have a beautiful little boy who is 3 years old and is very open about his feelings about missing his baby brother and grandmother. how do i keep moving forward? i hate   Read the rest of this entry »

My youngest son, Chad 17 died in and auto wreck on 1-1-04 at age 17, his older brother was all that held me together. Chuck turned 20 that year, we just hung on to each other. I made him leave me and go to college one week after the funeral. We take everyday. Then 2-12-2006 I got the next horrible phone call telling me Chuck was dead. Now I just don’t know what to do. I CAN’T get over it. I was getting a little better and then on July 6th my brother died and on july 7 my mom died. I want to quit. But you know NOTHERING EVERY WILL HURT ME LIKE THE DEATH OF MY BOYS.  What do I do now? They were my future and that’s all gone.
Donna

Dear Donna,

Our hearts go out to you. The loss you have sustained with the death of your two sons, your brother and your mother is vast and we understand how empty your life must feel right now. Read the rest of this entry »

My Mom was so young and so strong. She had no fear even though she had faced many trials. She died in her bed on Labor Day weekend, 2007 suddenly and without any warning. By all accounts from the outside she was healthy. She was happy. She had a daughter and son her loved her dearly. Now she is gone and I am left with the aching pain of her absence. It’s been two years but my life has been marked forever. I feel deep sadness and sometimes hopeless about finding happiness again. I try to cherish the sweet moments I have when I do feel Joy in my heart again. I’ll be married in less than two weeks and the pain of not having her there is almost unbearable. I spent most of my free time with her and we always did things together, even grocery shopping. I wish I could pull up to her house again, laundry basket in tow, Read the rest of this entry »

I lost my precious Mother in April, 2007. She was 94 and had lived with me for over 20 years. She had slight dementia, but was healthy and active. I had gone to run some errands, she was sitting on her bed and had either a stroke or heart attack and I didn’t get back before she died. I miss her so much, we were always so close. I don’t think I will ever get over the pain.

Luann

I wanted to share my story of not being able to say goodbye to my mom. I was out of state trying to deal with the physical consequences of drug abuse. I almost passed away, due to my prescription and street drug abuse. I was not able to walk on my own and had to use a walker. I had always promised my mom that I would clean up my life and for the first time, I was doing it. I would talk to my mom on the phone, on a daily basis and we would recall all old good times as well as some bad. She had apologized for not being a better mom and I apologized for actions while I was using drugs. Read the rest of this entry »

I am the mother of a 28 year old son who died from a fall down his basement stairs (TBI) almost 2 years ago now (June 19, 2005). Of course it has been devastating for all the members in his family. We have found out how very hard it is to grieve the loss of someone we love so dearly. Our son left behind a (at the time of his death) 4 month old baby girl. She is now 2 years old. My question is how we can help her know her dad, how much he loved (and still loves) her, and all the issues around her not having him in her life. Myself (her grandmother), her grandfather, aunt, uncle, mom want to do what the exp erts suggest is best for this beautiful little girl. Any suggestions, comments, etc. I have looked for resources on this issue but really can’t find much for a child this age. Do you know of any? Thanks for any help you can give me on this issue. Debby

Note: below you will find a “real-life” email exchange that be helpful to many, many of you.  The correspondence is exactly as it was sent and received.   

Hi dr’s gloria and heidi,

i’m george from new jersey and i listen to your radio show archives, i find them very interesting and helpful. i lost both parent’s almost 4 years ago, mom lost her fight to breast cancer in september 2003, and my dad died 25 days later in october 2003. it was obviously very devestating, and i was the one (out of 5 kids) who lived closest to my parents and was able to devote myself to them. i’m concerned that i never grieved. i didn’t cry when they died, i spoke strongly at their funerals, i haven’t had that all out, blow out type of breakdown, i have strong spiritual faith, and i felt worse as my mother was losing her fight with cancer than when she actually died. my dad had major depression an anger and abusiveness in his life, so when he died shortly after mom, i was relieved that his pain, though never understood by any of us, had ended as well. i handled their estates, their bills, sold their house and moved on with my own life. i miss them alot, i’m not Read the rest of this entry »