Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

I was glad to see that Wayne Loder cited several studies done on behalf of Compassionate Friends showing that the divorce rate among bereaved parents is 12%-16%, far below the national average.  Further, I agree with my mom (Dr. Gloria) that grieving parents, do not need to be told that their marriage cannot survive a profound loss.  However, I also think it is important to present the other side of this discussion, and  to say to those of you that are divorced or are in the process of getting divorced, that in most cases this will not destroy or ruin your child’s life.  Many children today are growing up in families of divorce.  These children have gone on to lead happy, healthy, productive lives.  There are several things that you can do as parents to alleviate your children’s anxiety, and insure that they will fair well following a divorce. Read the rest of this entry »

From Dr. Gloria

The following stresss rearch study is very important for all of us who have lost family members.  Again the message to me is that the fact that Phil, my husband, and I had different responses to Scott’s death was NORMAL.    Phil shut down and lost  himself in work while I talked to friends, collogues and anyone who would listen.

If you have been to a grief conference or support group you will find that around 3/4 of participants are female.  Results of this study done at UCLA find that the reaching out may be hormonal.  We know that the hormone testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they’re under stess—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen adds.  Oxytocin also accounts for the fact that women tend to cry more easily than men. 
 
UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women
 
By Gale Berkowitz
10-29-06
 
A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we
really are. By the way, they may do even more. Read the rest of this entry »

For the past few days I’ve been walking around feeling like there’s a big weight hanging over me ready to fall at any moment. Getting things done has been a chore. Making plans beyond the next day has taken all of my willpower. It feels as though my life is on hold and that I’m just waiting. Read the rest of this entry »

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death and grief were popular subjects for poems, songs and stories. Grieving was considered a natural and acceptable part of the culture. People in mourning wore black clothing and/or black arm bands, women wore black veils, and it was common to see a black wreath on the door of the home of a bereaved family, announcing publicly that this was a home of sorrow. Bereavement was conspicuous and there were very specific societal customs designed to support people during the mourning process. Read the rest of this entry »

Chances are that you grew up in a two-parent family, a mom and a dad. Went to a local school, away to college, married, had children of your own. And then, tragedy struck and your mother passed away, leaving your father a widower. He has mourned his loss and, in time, while still embracing the memories of your mother, met someone new and fallen in love, ready once again to enjoy a full life, perhaps to even re-marry, and you find yourself exchanging parenting roles as you concerns are not unlike that of your parents when you dated, fell in love and Read the rest of this entry »

The unimaginable has happened; you are a widow or widower. Mourning your loss has been the focus of your life for the past year or two. Finally, as you begin to surface from your profound grief, with a deep breath and lot or a little trepidation you find yourself falling in love again. Is this new relationship fraught with landmines? You bet! Here are important stepping stones to help keep you afloat along the way, Do?s and Don?ts as it were for widows/widowers beginning a new, loving relationship. Read the rest of this entry »

Is it possible to mourn the loss of a beloved spouse and, while still grieving, to not only meet someone special, but fall in love and begin to build a new relationship

Is it possible to mourn the loss of a beloved spouse and, while still grieving, to not only meet someone special, but fall in love and begin to build a new relationship that includes a commitment to sharing your lives? Can we overlap our loving and our grieving? The answer is a Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Heidi,

You may use anything that I have sent you on your blog. I am honored that you would like to use it. If you can wait a day or two, Kina said she would resend her Victim Impact Statement to me. I can then send it to you. When she sent it to me the pictures were in color. I do not know why they are now in black and white. I would like you to see them in color also.

Did you open the attachment with my Victim Impact Statement on one of my previous emails?

I am also attaching my husband’s ( Don, Krystal’s stepdad), Victim Impact Statement in case you and your mom think it might be helpful for bereaved stepdads.

The trial was in August 2005, and the woman who killed Krystal received a sentence of 15 years in prison and then 5 years probation. She was “celebrating” her 39th birthday, going from house to house drinking the night she killed Krystal. I do not think about her often.

I had read months ago on Healing the Grieving Heart that your family was being blessed with a new daughter. How wonderful that Alexander has a sister and you have two precious children. I am truly happy for you.

With thanks and gratitude,

Jo Ann

——–

Victim Impact Statement Dianesha Johnson v. State of Florida

Honorable Peter Dearing

I met Krysal Duss some eleven years ago when I began to date her then divorced mother. All did not start out well, but over the years Krystal accepted me into her family as her stepfather. When the twins were born, I was their grandpa and enjoyed every minute, you see, I am a twin myself. Over the years Krystal and I grew close as only a stepdaughter and stepfather could.

Krystal would call me and ask for recipes or to brag about her children, then one year old twins named, Danny and Andy. As a matter of fact I was the first to baby sit her infant twins, by myself, when they were just two weeks old. Krystal and I were not only stepdaughter and stepfather, but trusted friends as well.

The loss of Krystal has been devastating to the entire family; Mom, Dad, Sisters, Close Friends not to mention her Church Family.

Dianesha Johnson, while in the trauma room, scored a 15 on the consciousness scale which is the highest. Just as conscious as you read and I write this Victim Impact Statement. Dianesha Johnson told the EMT twice she was drinking and driving the night she slammed her vehicle into Krystal and Joe Duss minivan. That same night she also told the lead investigator she was drinking and driving the night she killed Krystal Duss in a horrific car crash. Dianesha Johnson was right next to Krystal in the trauma room. I know this, because I was there beside Krystal’s dead, lifeless body, as they wheeled Dianesha Johnson, her husband Larry Johnson and Krystal’s husband Joe in and out of the trauma room for x-rays and tests. Dianesha knew early on she killed someone in her drunken state at the wheel of her new Nissin Altama, which she only would drive herself. If she did not hear the doctor pronounce Krystal Duss dead at 1:13am, December 10, 2003, she most certainly heard Krystal’s mother cry, I want my baby back! Dianesha Johnson knew early on she killed someone that night in the crash in which she crossed several lanes and hit Krystal’s minivan head on, at a high rate of speed.

Dianesha Johnson had no defense. She knew it. If she had pleaded guilty and had taken the plea agreement offered her, which by the way all the close friends and family members signed off on, it would have saved the family and friends of Krystal Duss a lot of great pain and sorrow not to mention the time and expense the state spent preparing the case against her.

I now come before you, Your Honor, and ask you to go over the Florida sentencing guidelines of 15 years DUI Manslaughter and 5 years DUI Serous bodily Injury because:

1.) Dianesha Johnson knew she was driving her car that night.

2.) Dianesha Johnson tried to blame someone else.

3.) Accepting no culpability what-so-ever, even after guilty verdict.

4.) No remorse at all! Did not even look remorseful during the entire trial!!

5.) Not accepting the plea agreement, which all the family members and close friends of Krystal signed off on. Which was (0 - 10 years).

6.) Pain, depression, anxiety, great grief, that Dianesha caused Krystal’s family members and close friends when she did not admit she was the driver of the of the vehicle that killed Krystal Duss, stretching this into a 18 month ordeal.
7.) No matter how depressed a pschyiatrist says Dianesha Johnson is,it is in no way to be compared to the depth and devastating depression and deep constant grief suffered by the family and close friends of Krystal Duss.

In closing, Your Honor, if there is any way possible to give Dianesha Johnson more than 20 years in prison, then I plead with you to do so. I also ask that you revoke permanently, Dianesha Johnson’s driving privileges for the rest of her natural life in all 50 states of the United States of America.

Sincerely

______________________________
Donald Webb - Krystal’s Stepfather

My wife, Bobbie, and I, were not big fans of the cell phone in the beginning, but we did communicate at least twice a day or night. I was a swing shift worker. She was a day shifter. Earlier in our marriage, we used beepers or pagers. They could get irritating without a voice to deal with, but the price was much cheaper. Then there was the problem of finding a phone to answer the beep. But, all that’s said and done, any communication was helpful, and we were thankful for that. Read the rest of this entry »

Loss is a fact of life. Yet, following loss, their needs to be a healthy healing, a healing that allows life not only to simply continue, but with joy and determination. What are the elements that make up healing? Whether suffering from a divorce, loss of a child, loss of a parent or loss of a spouse, we go through certain stages and reactions. Not only is it different for each person, it is different with each loss. Based on the Read the rest of this entry »