Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

 When David Browning was thirteen years old, his mother Harriet died after an extended struggle with lung cancer. Like many children who lose parents, the trajectory of his life was then shaped by the impact of that loss. A practicing therapist and educator for twenty-five years, David has sought to understand what it means to be a professional caregiver when one’s own identity has been fashioned by loss. He has published several essays and articles articulating the need for healthcare professionals to better understand the rich intersection between personal experience and professional knowledge. Currently, David is Director of the Initiative for Pediatric Palliative Care (at Education Development Center, Inc.), a national project aimed at transforming the culture of healthcare for children with life-threatening conditions and their families.

David Browning:  I was close to my mom, and as is true in a lot of families, children get particularly often closer to mothers especially in that generation than with fathers so the loss was kind of like other grieving people talk about these kinds of losses.  You’re really not quite sure who you are after a death like that and you’re not quite sure about your own survival after a death like that. Read the rest of this entry »

I was glad to see that Wayne Loder cited several studies done on behalf of Compassionate Friends showing that the divorce rate among bereaved parents is 12%-16%, far below the national average.  Further, I agree with my mom (Dr. Gloria) that grieving parents, do not need to be told that their marriage cannot survive a profound loss.  However, I also think it is important to present the other side of this discussion, and  to say to those of you that are divorced or are in the process of getting divorced, that in most cases this will not destroy or ruin your child’s life.  Many children today are growing up in families of divorce.  These children have gone on to lead happy, healthy, productive lives.  There are several things that you can do as parents to alleviate your children’s anxiety, and insure that they will fair well following a divorce. Read the rest of this entry »

From Dr. Gloria

The following stresss rearch study is very important for all of us who have lost family members.  Again the message to me is that the fact that Phil, my husband, and I had different responses to Scott’s death was NORMAL.    Phil shut down and lost  himself in work while I talked to friends, collogues and anyone who would listen.

If you have been to a grief conference or support group you will find that around 3/4 of participants are female.  Results of this study done at UCLA find that the reaching out may be hormonal.  We know that the hormone testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they’re under stess—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen adds.  Oxytocin also accounts for the fact that women tend to cry more easily than men. 
 
UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women
 
By Gale Berkowitz
10-29-06
 
A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we
really are. By the way, they may do even more. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Heidi and Dr. Gloria,

I wanted to send you these pictures. Krystal’s Bench is located in St. augustine, FL at the Mission of Nombre De Dios and La Leche Shrine. (About 7 miles from our house.) I am not Catholic, but chose this place because of its beauty and sacred atmosphere.

Jo Ann Webb, Krystal’s Mom

I feel like I am going into the pit again. As you know, the grief is with me everyday, but I was beginning to have moments of joy and even lightness of heart. But now the Pain is overtaking me again. I try to lean into the pain, relax, breath, go for walks on the beach every day, pray, sit in silence, read, but finally the pain overcomes me and I have to retreat to the guest room, close the door and let the pain engulf me.
I actually feel such physical pain that my chest feels like it has been ripped open and my heart is lying in my chest, bleeding, and in indescribable pain. Tear flow and flow and flow. Hu ge tears that feel thick and oily, not salty like “regular” tears. I pray for the strength to be with the pain and lean into it. I cry so much that I actually wear myself out, and usually fall asleep. I then get up, it usually has been about 2-3 hours since I went into the guest room, and go downstairs to spend time with Don. It has been 3 years since Krystal died, and I still feel so broken. Monday, March 5, is Krystal’s birthday, and I will be at Compassionate Friends on her birthday. I have thought of bringing a birthday Read the rest of this entry »

Happy New Year! Yeah, I know. You’re thinking what’s with this writer? Life sucks without Him by your side. How dare she use the H word and wish me a Happy New Year.

Well, I feel your pain. Really, I do, because I am a widow, too. But, I’m here to tell you, everything will be alright. No, it won’t be like it was before He left. But yes, you can and you will get through 2007–With a smile. Read the rest of this entry »

At the end of a good day you bust out crying for no particular reason.

At the end of a bad day you burst out laughing for no particular reason.

At the end of everyday, you crawl into bed and sleep on His side.

You refuse to throw away His toothbrush, His razor, His bar of soap. Because you think He’ll need them. Read the rest of this entry »

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death and grief were popular subjects for poems, songs and stories. Grieving was considered a natural and acceptable part of the culture. People in mourning wore black clothing and/or black arm bands, women wore black veils, and it was common to see a black wreath on the door of the home of a bereaved family, announcing publicly that this was a home of sorrow. Bereavement was conspicuous and there were very specific societal customs designed to support people during the mourning process. Read the rest of this entry »

Chances are that you grew up in a two-parent family, a mom and a dad. Went to a local school, away to college, married, had children of your own. And then, tragedy struck and your mother passed away, leaving your father a widower. He has mourned his loss and, in time, while still embracing the memories of your mother, met someone new and fallen in love, ready once again to enjoy a full life, perhaps to even re-marry, and you find yourself exchanging parenting roles as you concerns are not unlike that of your parents when you dated, fell in love and Read the rest of this entry »

This is from Holly Mutlu:
 
Wanted to email you and let you know that we will be hosting The Second Annual Mother’s Day Bereavement Ceremony Saturday, May 12th, 2007 at 11am.  This will include an uplifting service, a balloon launch and a free luncheon.  The whole service is free but we do ask that you register!
 
It is Saturday, May 12, at 11am at the Vandalia Christian Tabernacle in Vandalia, Ohio (located just off I-75)
The service is to honor both our children and the Mother’s on this special day.  There is a video tribute during the service, a balloon launch and then immediately following a free luncheon.  For more information or for free registration visit  www.vctchurch.com and click on the Mother’s Day Bereavement Ceremony link. (When the website comes up, click anywhere on the screen and it will take you to the church’s page.  Scroll down until you see “2nd Annual Mother’s Day Bereavement Ceremony.”)
 
Holly Mutlu
Director Women’s Ministries, VCT
and proud mom to Mia
 
 
I will put all of this information on the website.
 
Love from a fellow traveler,
Dinah
http://www.ucumberlands.edu/lamentations/