Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

JANUARY 17, 2008 – HEALING WITH HOPE:  RABBI EARL GROLLMAN.  Rabbi Grollman is a noted writer, lecturer and teacher.  He is the author of twenty-seven books on crisis management.  He was Rabbi of the Beth El Temple Center, Belmont, Massachusetts, for thirty-six years before taking early retirement to write and address countless groups around the world.  He was one of the founders of Samaritans, a national organization for suicide prevention and intervention.  Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Sibling Bereavement in Childhood
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  Betty Davies
July 5, 2007
G: Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H: Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G: Each week Heidi and I welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this most difficult field.  And as always the message is others have been there before you and made it.  You can too.  You do not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll free number, 1-866-472-5792, with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.  All shows can be downloaded on Itunes and the transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Good morning, Heidi. Read the rest of this entry »

MAY 10, 2007 – GETTING THROUGH MOTHER’S DAY:  DEBRA REAGAN.  For Debra Reagan, a Research Specialist at the University of Tennessee, being a “good mother” was always foremost in her life.  Why then had her youngest son, Clint, had so many problems?  Her question was answered when Clint received the dual diagnosis of bipolar disorder and a drug addiction.  With this diagnosis, Debra felt a hope for cure but then her life was changed forever when on August 6, 2005, Clint died, at the age of 20 from an accidental overdose and bronchial pneumonia.  Getting through that First Mother’s Day was pure agony.  Debra has written about that day in her essay, “Mother’s Day Trail Message.”  The essay can be found on www.thegriefblog.com.  Debra, her husband of 25 years, and her 2 sons live in Eastern Tennessee.
Debra Reagan:  He livened up a room just by walking into it and if he gave you a hug, you knew you had been hugged by him, but I think the trail message gave me –was the beginning of giving me permission to forgive myself.  Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Getting Through Mother’s Day
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  Debra Reagan
May 10, 2007
G: Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley and
H: Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G: Each week Heidi and I welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who have suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this difficult field.  As always the message is others have been there before you and made it, you do not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll free number 1-866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org website.  All the shows can be downloaded on Itunes and transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Well, good morning, Heidi.
H: Good morning, mom.
G: We’ve got some new music going on there, huh?
H: Yeah, I heard that.
G: Wow, and a new announcer.
H: Yes, and a new announcer.  We had gotten some comments earlier about how the music was really really sad and you know music does bring you into such an emotional place so some of our listeners were saying can you make it a little more upbeat.
G: And so we’re playing the same music, the Pachelbel’s, but we’ve gone a little further into the song so we hope that you’ll like our new music.  Well, today, we’ve got a special show and a special guest because we’re coming up on Mother’s Day and this can be a really difficult time for people, right, Heidi? Read the rest of this entry »

Mother’s Day 2006

The first Mother’s Day without our son, Clint, was approaching. He had passed away the summer before, but the weight of grief was still heavy. So far we had made it through each day by taking one slow, encumbered step at a time. Each morning for several weeks prior to the upcoming holiday, I began to notice a little sports-type car parked near my car in the parking garage at work. Apparently, it was parked there on a long- term basis because it started to gather dust. After a while, the thick dust became a target for graffiti- some of which was amusing and some was distasteful. One was even a negative message to a mother. Despite the fact I did not appreciate some of the comments written on the car, it reminded me of Clint and the activities of young people. The car remained there unmoved and untouched day after day. Considering the anxiety of the impending holiday, I did not give the car too much thought.

When the dreaded Mother’s Day arrived, my husband, Alan and I decided a hike to the top of one of our favorite peaks in the nearby national park. We had been avid hikers, but now even the simplest activity seemed to take more effort and energy than we had. We have had some adventures on our hikes, but this time our only goal was to get past another painful holiday without our youngest son and perhaps to be tired enough to finally get a few hours of peaceful sleep that night. Read the rest of this entry »

APRIL 26, 2007 – THE IMPACT OF LOSING A CHILD:  DR. ESTHER WENDER.  Dr. Esther Wender’s 31-year-old son, Daniel, was killed in a skydiving accident in 1996.  Nothing, including her career as a pediatrician, had prepared her for the devastation of that experience.  In 200l, Dr. Wender founded the Westchester, New York County Chapter of TCF.  Since retiring and moving to Washington State, she has found an added calling – that of teaching doctors and other health care providers about the impact of losing a child and the power of support groups.  Dr. Wender has one surviving daughter, Sara, who has taught her a great deal about what it means for one’s sibling to die.  Dr. Wender is a nationally-recognized specialist in the field of developmental and behavioral pediatrics and is an active member of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Healing Through Music
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  David McCaig
March 8, 2007
G: Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H: Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G: Each week we welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who suffer the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this most difficult field and as always the message is others have been there before you and made it, you can too.  You need not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me on the show by calling our toll-free number 1-866-472-5792 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, as well as the www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.  All shows can be downloaded through Itunes and transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Well, Heidi, good morning.
H: Good morning, mom.
G: We have a really interesting guest today from Canada, Dave McCaig who plays music and is a great guy and we’ll enjoy hearing from him.  But first of all, I want to talk about what’s new on the blog.  We have had Joanne send her daughter Crystal’s wonderful pictures of a bench, right, Heidi? Read the rest of this entry »

NOVEMBER 2, 2006 – RIDING FOR WILL:  BILL HANCOCK.  After the death of his son, Will, in the 2001 airplane crash that took the lives of ten members of the Oklahoma State basketball team, survival became a familiar word in Bill Hancock’s vocabulary. Even being director of the NCAA The Final Four men’s basketball tournament could not shake his despair. And so he decided to return to his roots as an outdoorsman and marathon runner by riding his bicycle across the country on the 2,747-mile journey from the west coast to the east coast became more than a distraction from grief. It became a pilgrimage. Bill’s book, Riding with the Blue Moth, chronicles his ride. Read the rest of this entry »

Valerie Sobel is founder and president of the Andre Sobel River of Life Foundation that bears the name of her beloved teenage son who died of an inoperable brain tumor. She believes that the life she now has was born with the death of her son.

Her prior careers are eclipsed by the passion and the power of the current work of the Foundation. The mission of ASRLF is to help those single caregivers that are experiencing the devastation of the life-threatening disease of their child and are without the emotional and financial privileges that she had during Andre’s illness. Through compassion for those whose plight is so crushing, she created a way to help this underserved population that is virtually invisible to the community.

Social workers from the five major Southern California pediatric institutions affiliated with ASRL identify the families in need, and when all other resources have been exhausted or unavailable, they receive assistance within 24 hours. Since its inception 4 years ago, over a million dollars in direct assistance has been provided to buy groceries, assist with transportation, pay rent, and keep utilities turned on, and often to allow parents to bury their child with dignity.

The Foundation is currently implementing a national partnership initiative to bring its program to several East Coast Hospitals, and is exploring the public policy arena for greater funding. At present Valerie is collaborating on a book with Harvard pediatrician Elizabeth Rider M.D., titled Caring for the Caregiver: a Formula for Survival.

Valerie is member of the Academy of Motion picture Arts and Sciences, The American Society of Interior Designers (keepsakes from prior careers). She is a trained Court Appointed Special Advocate (guardian ad litem), a Charter member of Women of Washington/Los Angeles, Women’s leadership Council L.A., the Music Center’s Blue Ribbon, founding member of the Donor Circle at the Women’s Foundation of California, and Council of Women World Leaders.

Valerie’s daughter, Simone, is studying at Lynn University. When Valerie is not traveling, she shares her time between Los Angeles and Idyllwild.

Andre Sobel River of Life Foundation

FEBRUARY 22, 2007 - A FATHER’S GRIEF:  FRED MOUNTJOY, bereaved father of Barlyn, Maralin, and Marian.  Both Barlyn and Maralin died shortly after birth in 1961, while Marian who suffered her whole life from a heart-lung abnormality, died at the age of 33 in 1996.  Fred and his wife Marilyn are parents with no surviving children and have been active in their local chapter of The Compassionate Friends since 1996.  Fred is a licensed psychotherapist in the State of New Jersey, concentrating on grief therapy.  Fred discusses behaviors that interfere with grief as well as grieving for a special needs child.

Fred Mountjoy:  It was discussed that we had anticipatory grief and so forth but from my point of view, all death is sudden and, and even though we knew Marian was severely handicapped in what she could do, the anticipation of her death, we knew at any time it could come.  That’s where denial is a wonderful thing.  It gets you through something like that.  And denial leads to hope, I think, at that point, and it was very sudden.  She was - my wife was just ready to transport her to Read the rest of this entry »