MARCH 13, 2008 - MOTHERING MOTHER: TAKING CARE OF A MOTHER WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE: CAROL O’DELL

MARCH 13, 2008 - MOTHERING MOTHER: TAKING CARE OF A MOTHER WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE: CAROL O’DELL. Carol D. O’Dell is the author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir. Mothering Mother overflows with biting humor, poignant grace and much needed honesty. She speaks to caregivers, the medical community, and at Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and hospice-related conferences. Her gripping memoir Mothering Mother is for the “sandwich” generation and those who care for others personally or professionally. Read more

MARCH 6, 2008 - DEATH OF A DAUGHTER AND LIES ABOUT GRIEF: ANN HOOD

MARCH 6, 2008 - DEATH OF A DAUGHTER AND LIES ABOUT GRIEF:  ANN HOOD.  Two years after losing her daughter, Grace, to a potent strain of strep, years in which novelist Ann Hood found herself unable to read, to write, to focus on anything at all, she received a call for submissions from a literary magazine on the theme of lying.  That night she sat down and composed an essay on lies about grief.  That essay revived her ability to write and laid the foundation for The Knitting Circle, Hood’s autobiographical novel about a mother coping with the loss of her only child.

Ann Hood:  He was my only sibling.  I was 25 when he died and he was 30 and he died in a household accident.  It’s one of those freak accidents that when you hear about them you shudder and then of course it happens to you and you realize how many other people experience that sudden traumatic loss for which there is really no explanation and difficult to understand.

Ann Hood:  I really believed that it was knitting that not only healed me and helped me through grief but also ultimately got me writing again.  For six months at the gravesite I could not read or write.  I think the combination of the shock of her death and just the hard work of grieving which makes it very difficult as we know to concentrate on very basic things, kept me from not only writing but from reading and those have been the two things that I had always turned to for comfort.  The fact that I couldn’t read or write for six months after Grace died felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Ann Hood:  I think with sudden death like Grace’s, the first year you’re basically in shock and as you start recovering from that, the reality hits you so the second year is often much more difficult.

Ann Hood:  I have sat down with grieving moms and taught them to knit and although if you are not a knitter or someone who’s very good with crafts, which I actually am not, it feels so awkward and you’re actually tense and I could read their minds thinking she’s crazy.  This isn’t helping me.  And then I get letters or emails as time goes on thanking me because it actually becomes a refuge.  It’s one of those things that you are both concentrating and not concentrating at the same time.  They have likened it to things like gardening or swimming where there’s a repetitive action that almost puts you into a meditative state.  You have to get out of your head because it is so crowded by your grief.

Ann Hood:  What I wanted to be real was the emotional truth of loss and although this sounds silly, I really pictured loss like a disco ball.  Remember those silver balls that reflected and refracted light?  Because I think grief is like that.  It spins around and covers everything.  Sometimes it’s dazzling.  Sometimes just small pieces of it hit you.  Sometimes you feel like you’re totally in the darkness and there are many sides to grief and so by creating this knitting circle, I let each woman represent a different piece of it.

Ann Hood:  My mom, who’s in her late seventies and sort of shied away from a lot of the things that we know can help you with the loss of a child and the loss of a sibling like therapy, like knitting, like talking to friends, joining groups that help you to deal with these things.  She didn’t do any of it and so I’m afraid that her grief has been buried for a long time.  She said to me.  She was in the hospital when Grace died, and she came to me when she heard what had happened.  She ran through into the ICU and just held me and said if there was a pain I could keep from you, it would be this one because she knew.

Ann Hood:  Sam had just turned nine when Grace died and I promised myself that he would not lose us as well.  It was one of the hardest promises to keep but to me it was the most important, and there were days when you don’t even think you can put your pants on but you know that you have that child who’s still a child and needs to get his homework done and that really helped me.  And to listen to him.  Just to read him a story at night, as I said, it was some of the hardest things to do, but I think it was really important that he felt his parents were not also gone.

Ann Hood:  One of my midwives came to me in the weeks after Grace died and she told me that when she was three, her five-year-old sister died, and that what her mother did at that time - and she urged me to do this and I did it - was to sit down and describe the world that we were living in at that time.  What music were we listening to?  What were our routines?  What did I observe about Sam and Grace at that time?  And I wrote this letter that I will give Sam maybe as an adult, maybe when he gets married or graduates from college at an older point in his life that says here is how we were before.  I remember this and it needs to be remembered.

Ann Hood:  She said that her mother writing that letter and giving it to her about she and her sister not only validated some of her very vague memories, but also saw the life she had been living when it was ruptured and that it really helped her to go forward.

Ann Hood:  But we know siblings are a gift and we know how precious they are because we’ve lost our siblings, and I didn’t want to deny Sam the privilege of that gift.

Ann Hood:  Often studies show that men prefer to do something that physically exhausts them so at night when they hit that pillow, they’re out.  They’re so tired they can’t think.

Ann Hood:  Someone had told me that after their boyfriend had died, she started to knit and she said she knit I love you into every stitch and that idea really struck me and that’s what I try to do.  As I’m knitting, you’re sending out a message in a way.  You’re knitting with love, and it’s love toward your daughter who you can’t hold and can’t tell that to.

Ann Hood:  Daughter, I have a story to tell you.  I have wanted to tell it to you for a very long time, but unlike Babar or Eloise or any of the other stories that you loved to hear, this one is not funny.  This one is not clever.  It is simply true.  It is my story yet I do not have the words to tell it.  Instead, I pick up my needles and I knit.  Every stitch is a letter.  A row spells out I love you.  I knit I love you into everything I make.  Like a prayer or a wish, I send it out to you hoping you can hear me.  Hoping, daughter, that the story I am knitting reaches you somehow.  Hoping that my love reaches you somehow.

Ann Hood:  The best gift we can give each other, those of us grieving, is everybody has to work through it in their own way.  We can’t say to them you should redo your backyard.  You should knit.  We can offer ideas.  We can offer suggestions that have helped us or those we know, but we shouldn’t expect them to do what we do, and I think one of the wonderful things that my husband and I were able to do is to allow each other the space to grieve and heal in our own way.

February 28, 2008 - The Healing Power of Grief - Dr. Marilyn Stolzman and Gloria Lintermans

FEBRUARY 28, 2008 - THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF:  DR. MARILYN STOLZMAN AND GLORIA LINTERMANS:  Los Angeles-based Dr. Marilyn Stolzman brings her wisdom and hands-on experience to her books, The Healing Power of Grief and The Healing Power of Love.  She works as a bereavement counselor in private practice and is director of the non-profit Los Angeles-based organization H.O.P.E Unit Foundation for Bereavement, Loss and Transition.  Gloria Lintermans is a former syndicated newspaper columnist, currently a freelance writer, author, and widow.  She has hosted her own cable television show and radio program and is the author of The Newly Divorced Book of Protocol.  Read more

FEBRUARY 21, 2008 – FINDING MEANING AFTER A BROTHER DIES OF A DRUG OVERDOSE: DR. NANCY ROSENBLEDT

FEBRUARY 21, 2008 – FINDING MEANING AFTER A BROTHER DIES OF A DRUG OVERDOSE: DR. NANCY ROSENBLEDT. Dr. Nancy Rosenbledt is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Northern California’s, Artemis Center for Girls. She is a Part-Time Professor at University of San Francisco’s School Counseling Program and has been an educator for over 30 years. Nancy continues to serve as a school-based consultant specializing in services for “high risk” youth. Nancy’s world was turned upside down when her older brother died of a drug overdose. As a bereaved sibling, Nancy faced little support after her loss and found purpose and meaning again through devoting her life to helping others who have faced adversity. In being of service to others, Nancy has found resiliency, healing, and peace. Read more

FEBRUARY 14, 2008 – Loss of a Daughter and the Gift of Organ Donation: Norma Garcia.

 Norma Garcia’s daughter, Jasmine, was killed in an automobile accident in 2001.  Norma is the single mother of Samuel, age 14, and is the owner of a realty firm in San Antonio, Texas.  Since Jasmine’s death, Norma has made educating the public about organ and tissue donation her passion in life.  She has served on the National Donor Memorial Advisory Committee for the United Network for Organ Sharing and assisted in the design of the memorial in Richmond, Virginia, which honors America’s donor families.  She recently completed a book, My Dear Jasmine: From Tragedy to Triumph. Read more

JANUARY 24, 2008 – PREGNANCY LOSS: OUR BABIES ARE JUST A CLOUD AWAY: DIANA GARDNER-WILLIAMS.

  Diana Gardner-Williams is the mother of a three-year-old son, two early pregnancy losses, and one stillbirth.  Nearly three years after losing her stillborn son Tanner, Diana set out to provide a creative outlet for parents to acknowledge and preserve the legacy of their “angel babies.”  Diana is owner and founder of Just a Cloud Away Inc., which provides specialty scrapbook remembrance kits to families grieving the loss of their baby.  Diana is also a professional landscape designer who has a passion for developing Memory Gardens to help those grieving the loss of a loved one. Read more

January 10, 2008: Healing through Service - John Pete

January 10, 2008 - HEALING THROUGH SERVICE:  JOHN PETE.  John Pete is a Certified Grief Counselor and founder of www.MyGriefSpace.net <http://www.mygriefspace.net/> .  Like many others, John came to the field through losses in his personal life that include drowning, suicides, diabetes, heart disease, asthma, homicide, leukemia, AIDS and pets.  Whenever possible, John uses his personal experiences to ease the suffering of others who have lost a loved one.  He encourages anyone grieving a loss to actively seek out healing resources as a way to regain some much-needed control in their lives.  John states that he finds tremendous personal healing by helping others. Read more

December 27, 2007 Finding Meaning After the Loss of Both Parents - Lisa Peacocki

DECEMBER 27, 2007 – FINDING MEANING AFTER THE LOSS OF BOTH PARENTS:  LISA PEACOCK.  Lisa Peacock was touched by trauma at a young age.  In 1987 at age 9 Lisa suffered from the effects of a plane crash that took her father’s life.  Then at 19, Lisa suffered the traumatic loss of her mother in a car accident.  She dealt with depression, anxiety, guilt, and anger.  While coping with her situation, she felt a calling to help others that were suffering from trauma.  In 2002, The Peacock Foundation was founded. Read more

December 20, 2007: Getting Through the Holidays Without Your Spouse - Linda Della Donna

DECEMBER 20, 2007 - GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS WITHOUT YOUR SPOUSE:  LINDA DELLA DONNA.  Linda Della Donna is a freelance writer who supports new widows through the grief process.  A graduate of the Institute of Children’s Literature and School of Hard Knocks, she writes about death, dying, and cancer and shares ways to turn an upside-down smile right side up again.  She writes from the heart.  Her blog http://Griefcase.blogspot.com/ <http://griefcase.blogspot.com/>  is written especially for widows. Read more

December 13, 2007 - Men and Loss: Neil Chethik

DECEMBER 13, 2007 – MEN AND LOSS: NEIL CHETHIK.  Neil is an author, speaker and expert on the psychology of men.  He is author of the acclaimed book, FatherLoss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms With the Deaths of Their Dads (Hyperion 2001) based on his original research involving 350 men.  He also wrote VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment (Simon & Schuster 2006).  He is currently Writer-in-Residence at the Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning in Lexington, Kentucky, where he lives with his wife, Kelly Flood, and son, Evan.  Read more

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