Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

Dear Heidi and Gloria,
 I  have been very upset about The Larry King Show on August 28, 2007.
 
On this show Larry King was discussing Owen Wilson after his suicide attempt. I found the show did nothing to address the issue of the signs of depression Also the  two comments by Larry King were inaccurate and hurtful.  King questions Dr. Reef Karim, Director of Psychiatric Services. Wonderland Residential Treatment Facility.
 
King: Is it gutsy?
 
 Karim: You know, I think some people believe it’s gutsy when they’re doing it. But obviously it’s not. It’s you want to check out. You want to check out of life because you’re overwhelmed mentally by all the pain that you have. Read the rest of this entry »

I just came to this site because I am grasping at straws. I lost my beloved first born son on June 10th. It was a para-suicide attempt that was nightmarishly successful. There is so much to say. My pain is so raw, and all-encompassing. It seems that people think I should get over it and “get better”. I am in such a private dark place that I don’t even get that upset by well meaning though stupid remarks. My love will never die, and I think some people are saying something like that when they say I’ll get over it. I have two other sons. All my boys are complete and seperate irreplacable miracle. I cry for him, the loss of the experience of joy, love, holding his first baby. I feel so horribly guilty for so many reasons. I don’t know how I am functioning at my job. When I am off, I just seem to fall apart, stayed in bed yesterday all day and night. My love and concern go out to you. This was never in any script that I could forsee of my life. I read one thing ” You are now in a exclusive club that nobody wants to be in- those who have lost a child” I get frantic because I feel that he is caught in a place of fear and horror. I was informed that his last words were “Oh my God, I’m dying, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die!” and then he went into convulsions from an overdose of aspirin.I weep when I think that he wasn’t sure that I loved him. I am furious with my family for not reporting obviously suicidal signs in his behavior. I had no idea. I could ramble on, but thank you for describing your emotions, since I feel that I am completely unravelling. Marci

Dear Marci,
 We are so very sorry for your loss. We have posted your letter, together with this response on the home page of The Grief Blog and with the article I Lost My Daughter 9 Weeks Ago, It can help others who also experience such pain and loss by helping them know that they are not alone and it can help you as well. June 10th is such a short time ago and your pain is so very fresh. Most people mean well and simply don’t understand the pain of losing a child and they do not understand that you have to grieve in your own time and your own way. It is a time to be gentle with yourself.
You might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart  You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com  You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/  There are several shows about surviving the suicide of a loved one. For Instance  on March 29, 2007 Margaret Margo talked about “Double Loss: A Mentally Ill Son Kills His Father and Then Himself” and on March 15, 2007 Eric Hipple, former quarterback for the Detroit  Lions,  talked about the death of his teen age son from a self inflicted gun shot in his  story, “Real Men Do Cry.”
Help and support can also be found through a Compassionate Friends Group in Your Area. For more information go to http://www.compassionatefriends.org/  You can find a local group as well as many valuable resources to help you along the way. Each member has experienced the death of a child and each has survived and grieved in his or her own way.  They understand how well-meaning people say stupid things and they speak with the wisdom and compassion that comes from the experience of losing a child. With this group you do not have to walk this path alone. We suggest, too, that you might like to seek counseling from a professional grief counselor. When we are dealing with such pain, we need all the help we can get.
Blessings,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
 

Workplace Stress And Suicide

Thank you for “Dispatches from the war on stress” (Workplace, Aug. 6). In many states, suicide is the second leading cause of death among young adults. In 1998, our son, Keith Loehr, started a job in new-product development after receiving his MBA. The stress from this job, along with the lack of support from his company, were major factors in his decision to end his life seven months later. The impact of his death was enormous. Counting our family, Keith’s co-workers, his friends, our friends, and my employees, Keith’s suicide hurt hundreds of people. The collective negative impact on morale and productivity was enormous.

One thing you did not suggest is for companies to consider a confidential employee assistance program. If Keith had had access to a counselor, he might have been more willing to discuss his difficulties and how he was feeling.

Dick Loehr
Kittery, Me.

Carol Ann Loehr

http://www.thegiftofkeith.org

Thegiftofkeith.org
 
On March 29, 1999, our son Keith died by suicide. At the time of his death I had no knowledge of suicide, and I was inundated with inaccurate and outdated descriptions of suicide and its causes.
 
I have created a website of information to help comfort and educate survivors of suicide, as well as clergy, health care professionals and counselors.
 
People who have been dealing with depression or have suffered a loss from a suicide have found this website a safe and comforting source of information. I have worked hard to screen material for this website and I will not accept information that uses out of date terms that stigmatize people dealing with neurobiological disorders. This website is widely acknowledged as very good source of information and comfort for the survivors. I do not solicit donations to support my work. This is a labor of love in honor of the memory of our son, Keith
 
The website includes the following categories of information:
 
Resources
Cyber Friends
Articles by Survivors of Suicide
Grief: Faith
Siblings Grief
Stigma Associated with Suicide
Depression and Its Link to Suicide
Explaining Depression to Children
Understanding a Death by Suicide
Poetry and Spiritual Connections
Keith’s Memorial Site

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) would like to welcome you to the Survivor e-Network. 

Through the Survivor e-Network, AFSP reaches out to survivors (and interested others) with periodic updates about resources for healing, conferences, educational programs, research developments, and advocacy opportunities.

Too often, survivors feel alone and powerless as they struggle with their sorrow and questions. We hope the Survivor e-Network will provide both reassurance and information.

Heal in your own way. Learn what you need to know. Get involved when you’re ready. Let us help.

Take good care,

Joanne Harpel, AFSP Director of Survivor Initiatives, and
Ed Dunne, Chair, AFSP National Survivor Council

P.S. Please feel free to forward this message to anyone you think might be interested. And if you received this from a friend, you can  join the e-Network yourself.

To prevent mailbox filters from deleting mailings from AFSP’s Survivor E-network, add enetwork@afsp.org to your address book.

Learn more about AFSP.

For those who didn’t get a chance to listen to the archives of the Eric Hipple.  Heidi and I wanted to give you some of the special things he said on the show.  Please listen to the March 15th archives and let us know what you thought.  Gloria (see quotes below.  For the entire transcript choos “Past Show Transcripts from the sidbar on the left)
 

…our topic today is Real Men Do Cry and our guest is Eric Hipple.  Eric Hipple was quarterback for the Detroit Lions from 1980-1989 and he lost his 15-year-old son, Jeff, to a self-inflicted gunshot wound in 2000.  On this show, Eric shares with us how his professional life and his training as a supreme athlete have both helped him and hindered him in dealing with the death of his son.  Eric has gone on to help others recognize the risk for suicide and to deal with the aftermath of the event.  Eric serves on the National Advisory Board of the University of Michigan’s Depression Center and has become a presenter on depression and suicide prevention at middle schools, high schools, and colleges throughout Michigan.  Eric has always been an inspiration to others both on and off the playing field.  Welcome to the show, Eric.

E: Well, thank you for having me.  I really appreciate the opportunity.  Thank you, Heidi.  Thank you, Gloria.
G: Thanks.  It’s great to have you on.  Before we get started, could you tell us a little about Jeff and about your journey.
E: Yeah.  You know, as I look back, of course, now most of the thoughts I have are all good thoughts and very positive thoughts.  In fact, I was going through for another project some 4-1/2 hours worth of tape of old home movies over the weekend.  Yeah, and just watching the kids grow up and stuff and seeing there’s still a little tug of the heart strings and going back and watching the fun of him and enjoying him when he was younger and then, of course, the flash to when he was older and started having the difficulty, and then that’s where it’s kind of still a little bit painful and I think it always will be but the good certainly outweighs that tinge of the heart a little bit when you think that his life will no longer go forward. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi:

Check in: theafterward.blogspot.com

My name is Deni Taveras and I am doing a not-for-profit national community project called The Afterw@rd .  It’s a book compilation of letters to suicide victims about current events, written by those left behind.  The purpose of this project is to help people heal from suicide loss and to help save those who may be prematurely considering reaching the end of their rainbows. 

Time is of the essence with this project because we need to meet an April 25, 2007 deadline to achieve a particular milestone.  Therefore, the success of this project hinges on whether we can spread the word through individuals like you who have phenomenal outreach capabilities. It is critical that organizations like yours to help spread the word to your listening audience.  I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you about this project as well.

It would be ideal if we can have compelling individuals like Mr. Eric Hipple to could contribute a letter, as well as the average person affected by this loss.  It is our goal to obtain a representative and attractive array of letters from each state throughout the U.S.

I look forward to hearing your feedback and your suggestions on how we can work together to make something amazing happen around the subject of suicide loss and suicide intervention.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.  Please, help spread the Word, The Afterw@rd.  I can best be reached by email at theafterward@gmail.com.

Kind Regards,

Deni Taveras
The Afterw@rd
Read. Write. Submit. Heal. Forgive. Save. Help another do the same.

Dear Friends and Family,

I want to thank each and every one of you that helped support the campaign against GMC.
Our actions have helped raise awareness about depression, the number one cause of suicide!
 
I have had e-mails from NAMI, (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill )
*GM’s decision is a victory for all of the mental health and suicide prevention community,” said NAMI executive director Michael J. Fitzpatrick. “We’ve made the point that mental illness and suicide are to be taken seriously and that we will not be marginalized.”
and AFSP ( American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)
*Thank you to everyone who joined with us in expressing concerns about the ad.  Our collective actions have raised awareness, and will help make our country more sensitive to the issues of mental illness and suicide. Bob Gebbia Executive Director American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

We made our voices heard loud and clear and for that I owe you thanks.
 
Thank you for speaking out. We Did it!!!
 
Carol Loehr
Thegiftofkeith.org
My Uncle Keith Died

Earlier this week the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention asked General Motors to pull an advertisement and cease any further promotion and marketing of an ad, which featured a GM factory robot who gets laid off, becomes depressed and then makes a suicide attempt.

This morning our Foundation had several constructive conversations with GM Executives, and I am pleased to announce that GM has decided to pull the ad, including plans to air it on upcoming television programs and on the company’s website.

GM has indicated that they will be revising the ad, removing the scene with the suicide attempt and any implication of suicide before re-releasing the ad in the future.

AFSP and GM have issued a joint statement about the company’s decision and our support of it.

AFSP applauds General Motors for taking these actions.  It is difficult to find organizations that listen. GM did by responding to the concerns of those touched by mental illness and suicide.

Thank you to everyone who joined with us in expressing concerns about the ad. 

Our collective actions have raised awareness, and will help make our country more sensitive to the issues of mental illness and suicide.

Bob Gebbia
Executive Director
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Dear Carol:

While I did not see this commercial, it sounds completely inappropriate.  Thank you for bringing it to my attention, as you pointed out depression and suicide are very serious problems in this country and not something to make fun of.  I just e-mailed GMC.

Thank-you for making a difference, Keith is touching lives even though he is no longer here.

Sincerely,

Heidi Horsley, PsyD, MSW, MS
Columbia University - Adjunct Professor
Radio Show CO-Host - http://thegriefblog.com/
FDNY-CSU/Columbia University Family Guidance Program - http://fdnycolumbia.org/new/