Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

For the past few days I’ve been walking around feeling like there’s a big weight hanging over me ready to fall at any moment. Getting things done has been a chore. Making plans beyond the next day has taken all of my willpower. It feels as though my life is on hold and that I’m just waiting. Read the rest of this entry »

In this article, I will outline key points my fellow hospice team members and I have observed in our day to day work.. I have worked over 12 years as a Spiritual Counselor in Hospice Care. Each person teaches me something, though it is I who is supposed to minister to them in the final moments. For my colleagues and I, working in hospice is an ongoing challenge and learning experience, that presents us with learning of the deepest kind - on a soul level. In this article, I share with you the perspectives of my colleagues and myself, at a Hospice Center in Read the rest of this entry »

Valerie Sobel is founder and president of the Andre Sobel River of Life Foundation that bears the name of her beloved teenage son who died of an inoperable brain tumor. She believes that the life she now has was born with the death of her son.

Her prior careers are eclipsed by the passion and the power of the current work of the Foundation. The mission of ASRLF is to help those single caregivers that are experiencing the devastation of the life-threatening disease of their child and are without the emotional and financial privileges that she had during Andre’s illness. Through compassion for those whose plight is so crushing, she created a way to help this underserved population that is virtually invisible to the community.

Social workers from the five major Southern California pediatric institutions affiliated with ASRL identify the families in need, and when all other resources have been exhausted or unavailable, they receive assistance within 24 hours. Since its inception 4 years ago, over a million dollars in direct assistance has been provided to buy groceries, assist with transportation, pay rent, and keep utilities turned on, and often to allow parents to bury their child with dignity.

The Foundation is currently implementing a national partnership initiative to bring its program to several East Coast Hospitals, and is exploring the public policy arena for greater funding. At present Valerie is collaborating on a book with Harvard pediatrician Elizabeth Rider M.D., titled Caring for the Caregiver: a Formula for Survival.

Valerie is member of the Academy of Motion picture Arts and Sciences, The American Society of Interior Designers (keepsakes from prior careers). She is a trained Court Appointed Special Advocate (guardian ad litem), a Charter member of Women of Washington/Los Angeles, Women’s leadership Council L.A., the Music Center’s Blue Ribbon, founding member of the Donor Circle at the Women’s Foundation of California, and Council of Women World Leaders.

Valerie’s daughter, Simone, is studying at Lynn University. When Valerie is not traveling, she shares her time between Los Angeles and Idyllwild.

Andre Sobel River of Life Foundation

 

Thank you for the opportunity to share my experience with the IPPC (Initiative for Pediatric Palliative Care) retreat led by Deborah Dokken, your guest on Thursday.

I am the parent of Dakota, an adorable “old soul” who was diagnosed with cancer at two and died one week before he turned five. That was ten years ago. In those ten years, our family has turned our pain into a passion to help others who also find themselves suffering the loss of a loved one.

When Dakota died, my husband wanted to buy our two year old son, Dylan, a gift to remember his older brother. Not sure what he was looking for, Alan came upon a wind chime with a gargoyle. Dakota loved anything ugly. Alan brought it home and explained to Dylan that when the chimes rang it was Dakota talking to us. Dylan could talk to Dakota by ringing the chimes. From that day on, the winds began to blow and the chimes were ringing. We had such strong winds during his memorial service, some folks left thinking we were having a twister. The minister shared an ancient saying, “When a sould dies, the winds will blow. The greater the soul, the greater the winds.” We knew Dakota was a magnificent soul and the winds were just proof of his undying spirit. Since his death, the wind has brought us peace as the chimes remind us that Dakota’s spirit is always present.

Because of the peace and comfort we have found in the chimes, Alan designed our own wind chime in Dakota’s memory. The sunflower design symbolizes the continuation of life as we plant seeds of hope for brighter tomorrows. I designed a Kota Bear from the original bears I made for each family member from Dakota’s clothes. Each bear comes with a pattern, an apron or overalls, so it can be personalized. Each gift comes with a heart engraved with a loved one’s name to remind us that love lives on even after death.

Folks have shared their own stories of the wind since they have received the chimes. If you would like to hear more, please feel free to check out our website or email me for our free newsletter. Or contact me so we can talk, parent to parent, about our children - those on earth and in heaven.

With hope, health, and happiness,

Beth Page
Dakota Winds
www.dakotawinds.org
beth@dakotawinds.org

Ask most people what they know about Palliative Care and they will inevitably reply that it is intended for those who are dying. Undeniably, Palliative Care is available to support families at this sad time, however their services are equally intended to provide physical, emotional and spiritual support to the patient and their families as they journey through terminal illness. Read the rest of this entry »

My father died from lung cancer on January third, 2005. After entering a nursing facility for rehab, we soon discovered that he had stage four small-cell lung cancer. He lived for three and one-half weeks after his diagnosis.

While January third never had any signficance before, it now holds signficance for me that I would never have imagined.

The words to the poem describe how one often feels about the anniversary of a person’s death. Read the rest of this entry »

1) Don’t try to make the grieving person feel better. YOU CANNOT. For many grievers it only serves to make them feel guilty or worse. Grievers MUST experience the pain of grief for healing to ultimately occur.

2) Don’t tell the griever to give it time. Time has stopped for the griever. Life proceeds in slow motion. Life is too surreal to be identified with time. Read the rest of this entry »

I can’t imagine a more difficult or trying period: coping with the death of a loved one. This is especially true when they are relatively young or not showing a sign of a previous illness or disease. Auto accident victims immediately come to mind because of their proliferation. But there are other ways and means to cut short a life. Yet, does it really matter in the end? The result is that friends, relatives, and other associates remain here on earth to deal with the tragedy. I feel somewhat qualified to write about this because it happened to me twice. Read the rest of this entry »

I would like to share with you a beautiful song that is comforting to the soul and powerful enough to heal the grief-stricken.

My wife, Bobbie, brought this song to my attention one day in 1998. It was a year before Bobbie was diagnosed with what would later be terminal cancer. Sixteen months later, she passed away. I was torn to pieces.

Since then, this song has meant more to me than any other song I’ve heard. It is very special to my heart and soul, because Bobbie introduced it to me. It reflects all my emotion, when I think of her and the rest of my family and friends who have passed on. Read the rest of this entry »

In November of 2005, my uncle passed away from non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He was my very favorite uncle and he is greatly missed. He was a resident of Seasons of Life Hospice, here in Parma. The hospice team provided him, my family, and me with such wonderful care and support and we are deeply grateful. We shall never forget their kindness and thoughtfulness. Read the rest of this entry »