Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
New Year’s Resolutions for the Healing Heart
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: Sharon Greenlee
December 29, 2005

G: Hello. I’m your host, Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart, the show that gives you the opportunity to hear stories and ideas from others who, like you, have dealt with unbearable loss. My amazing guests are here weekly with tips and advice on how we have moved through their grief with courage and hope. We know that this isn’t the life that you planned and that at the moment your loved one died, you started a journey through unmapped territory. We know that others have been there, but this is your journey, and how you travel it is unique to you. My guests and I can only be, as we hope, your trusted advisors who have trod the path. As we begin a new calendar year, it is an opportunity for you to take a moment to look at where you are now, not where you have been or where you would like to be, but where you are now and think about the detour you’ve taken from the main road. You may even want to look at the lessons of grief and make some simple resolutions that will help you to continue your journey down the path of peace and forgiveness. Our topic today is New Year’s Resolutions for the Healing Heart, and my guest is Sharon Greenlee, licensed professional counselor, educator, and consultant. Sharon is the bereaved mother of two children who died in separate accidents on the same day and she is a bereaved grandmother of two. Sharon has written a beautiful book for children of all ages called When Someone Dies. Sharon lives outside of Laramie, Wyoming, where she facilitates workshops and seminars for small businesses and does team building, communication, and stress reduction. She also facilitates workshops on women’s issues and writing therapy. Please join us today on our show by calling our toll free number, 1-866-369-3742 with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life. You can also email me through my website at www.healingthegrievingheart.org. These shows are archived on www.thecompassionatefriends.org website as well as www.voiceamerica.com website. Well, today our topic is New Year’s Resolutions for the Healing Heart and my guest is Sharon Greenlee. Sharon, welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart.
S: Thank you, Gloria, it’s really nice to be with you. I do need to tell you that when we were talking before we went on line, there was no static and now there is a tiny bit and I don’t know if you’re hearing it from me.
G: Oh, I don’t hear it from my side so hopefully our engineer will hear that and get on it.
S: Yeah, it’s your voice right now that cuts out in and out. I hope it isn’t my phone. If it is, I can go to another phone, but I’ll have to call you back.
G: Welcome back to Healing the Grieving Heart. I’m your host, Dr. Gloria Horsley, and our topic today is New Year’s Resolutions for the Healing Heart, and my guest is Sharon Greenlee, licensed professional counselor, educator, and consultant. Sharon is the bereaved mother of two children who died in separate accidents on the same day and she is a bereaved grandmother of two. Sharon has written a beautiful book for children of all ages called When Someone Dies. Sharon lives outside of Laramie, Wyoming, where she facilitates workshops and seminars for small businesses and office groups in team building, communication, and stress reduction. She also facilitates workshops on women’s issues and writing. Well, Sharon, welcome back to the show. We’ve had a little AV stuff that certainly goes on with the internet, but we’re happy to have you back on the show and welcome back.
S: Oh, thank you, and it’s nice to be here. Now you need to confess, Gloria, that part of this is because you’re skiing in Utah and your phone connection isn’t as good as if you were in the studio.
G: That is exactly right.
S: But you deserve that and thanks for having me on. I appreciate it.
G: Well, could you talk to our audience about your experiences and what happened to you? I guess it was what, 21 years ago?
S: Yes, it was, 1984. November 3rd. We had just moved to Wyoming and I was going back and forth to Nebraska really to still teach college classes and my husband had come with me that weekend to teach and when we came back our phone was ringing when we came in and it was from my husband’s daughter. This is our second marriage even though we’ve been married thirty-one years. And she had called to say that my stepson, my husband’s son, had been killed in an auto train accident in Texas. I can remember thinking to myself, how do I comfort Linda at this moment, swallow what I have just heard in my own grief, and prepare myself to tell my husband in about 20 seconds when he comes to the door. I remember that and saying to Linda, “I just need to hang up now and I’ll call you right back.” And so, of course, we were devastated and I had just called Iowa to tell our other children about, we call him Butch, about Butch’s tragedy, and within an hour and fifteen minutes, the same daughter I had talked to called me back to say, “Mom, you have to sit down.” And there was the news that my son, Dave, had been killed in an automobile accident in Iowa, and it was just like a big Mack truck had just hit you was the only way I know to describe it. Actually, I didn’t tell this story for five years. I never said out loud that this had happened to me in my life. People knew about it because we had just moved here. I never told the story to strangers. It was just too dramatic at the time and I think it probably took five years to heal enough to put the words out there because if someone said to you, Gloria, “I’ve lost my son or I’ve lost my daughter,” then would you ever respond, “Oh, we lost two.” It just never sounded right. Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Dealing with Loss
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: Rex and Nancy Gleim
December 22, 2005

G: Hello. I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart, the show that gives the opportunity for bereaved families and professionals to tell their stories of loss and renewal. We know you face the holidays and the New Year with mixed emotions. We know how holidays are filled with memories that bring you happiness as well as despair—that special ornament, a holiday picture, or just the smell of baking cookies can stir a memory in your heart. We miss our loved one during this festive season. It is surely not the celebration we had planned. However, we have no option but to soldier on with hope, courage, faith, and yes, even love. If I could give you one piece of advice during this season, it would be to take care of yourself. You are more important than Christmas cards, ten-foot trees, holiday dinners, or stacks of gifts. Give yourself the gift of time and give your friends and family the opportunity to serve you. Remember, take-out food is good as Christmas is only one day. Take a moment out to have a bubble bath, read a special story or a poem. This is the year to give Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Living Life More Fully
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: Maria Housden
December 15, 2005

G: Hello. I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart. Our topic today is on living life more fully. My guests and I know that after a profound loss, it may seem that life is over and that you will never be happy again. But we are here each week to tell you that you truly will find happiness and love again. True, like us, you will lead a different life than you had planned but it can and will be a life filled with insight, compassion, and joy. Hold on. Things will get better. You will be able to again find pleasure in the small things of life, the first snowfall, the chime of a bell, the flight of a bird. You will find peace, quiet, and understanding for yourself and others. My guest today struggled through one year of cancer with her darling daughter, Hannah, and is here today to share with you her story and how her Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
A Father’s Grief
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: Fred Troutman
December 8, 2005

G: Hello. I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart. Our topic today looks at gender differences. I am often asked, “Do men grieve differently than women?” and my answer is “Yes and no.” As human beings, male and female, we have far more commonalities than we do differences. In fact, we share all of the same hormones, estrogen and testosterone to name a couple of examples. It’s just the quantity that’s different. Take, for instance, crying. Last year at The Compassionate Friends national conference, I taught a workshop on crying. Many of the bereaved fathers in the class talked about their concern that their wives cried more than they did. Some of the men felt that there must be something wrong with them. Well, the fact is that females not only produce more of the hormone prolactin that promotes tear production, but they have slightly different tear ducts that accommodate more frequent crying. Then we come to the Read the rest of this entry »

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Am I Still A Sister? Grief through the Life Cycle
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: Allie Franklin
December 1, 2005

G: Hello. I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart. We’ve got a really interesting topic today, Grief Through the Life Cycle. I often hear comments and complaints from people who have been told at one time or another to get over it. But as any person who has had a profound early loss knows, grief is not something you get over. It is something you learn to live with, part of the fabric of your life. It’s not terminal and you don’t get what some call closure. Our losses are a part of who we are and how we move through the world. They’re a part of what makes us human, what makes us empathetic, what makes us passionate, fortunate, and forgiving. Grief may impact our interest or lack of interest in a subject or even a life choice. We may pick as a mate one who reminds us of our lost loved one. Or we may pick a friend who acts out our anger for us. Ignoring the circumstances surrounding our upbringing does not alter the fact that loss Read the rest of this entry »