Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

NOVEMBER 30, 2006 - FROM PARENT TO ADVOCATE: LONG DAYS’ JOURNEY:  DEBORAH DOKKEN.  After the loss of two infants and the premature birth of her son Jeremy, Deborah Dokken became involved in programs enhancing family participation in health care. She is co-investigator for The Initiative for Pediatric Palliative Care, a national education and quality improvement project.  She currently serves on the FDA’s Pediatric Advisory Committee, and is a longtime member of the Ethics Forum at Children’s National Medical Center.  She is the recipient of the Pediatric Nursing’s 2003 Humanitarian and 1998 Excellence in Writing Awards.  http://www.ippcweb.org/

Deborah Dokken:  I didn’t one day after Jeremy was home and was relatively healthy, I didn’t wake up and say I think I’ll become an advocate.  It has been more fits and starts and happenstance, some thinking about it, but I basically started with just realizing that it was a huge life-changing experience to have had two children who were born and did not survive and another child who was still medically fragile and this realization that I’m not the same person and it didn’t feel right just to go back to what I was doing before but I wasn’t sure what it was that I did want to do.

Deborah Dokken:  There’s a readiness that I don’t know how as parents we know it, but it felt at the time that the physician asked me to do this, it felt not at all like a burden.  It felt like a very helpful and hopeful thing for me because what I said to myself is maybe I will be able to do something that can help other parents who are going through a similar experience and somehow make sense out of what happened to us by being able to help other families.

Deborah Dokken:  I think what I would say to other bereaved parents is that each one of us knows ourselves when we’re ready to become involved in some way and to sort of take our experience outward and when you are ready, look for something that fits for you as a person.  Parents have made videos.  Parents have written books.  Parents organize groups or lead support groups, but it’s important that it’s something that fits for you as an individual and helps you make meaning out of your own experience. Read the rest of this entry »

Recipient of 2003 Pediatric Nursing’s Humanitarian Award to be interviews by “Healing the Grieving Heart” Hosts, Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley on November 30, 2006.

New York, New York and San Francisco, California (PRWEB) November 26, 2006 – Deborah Dokken, MPA, co-investigator with The Initiative for Pediatric Palliative Care (IPPC) will join Drs. Gloria & Heidi Horsley on their nationally syndicated talk radio program “Healing the Grieving Heart” November 30th, 9 AM PST/12 Noon EST.

“End of life care and anticipatory grief are so important to our audience. You can’t ever really prepare for losing a child, but you can educate yourself about the process, the resources available and hopefully ease the strain on everyone involved. We feel fortunate to have one of the country’s foremost experts joining us on this important topic,” said Dr. Heidi Horsley, co-host of Healing the Grieving Heart.
Since the losses of two infants and the premature birth of her son, Jeremy, Ms Dokken has been involved for several years in programs and projects to improve family support and family participation in health care. Ms. Dokken was the co-founder of a nonprofit community-based organization, Partners in Intensive Care, and was a founding member of the Parent Partners Group in the neonatal intensive care unit at The George Washington University Hospital in Washington, D.C. Read the rest of this entry »

In Wayne Dyer’s book “10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace”, the second success secret is “don’t
die with your music still in you.” It is amazing to consider how many of us have a longing in our heart to pursue a dream, a vocation, or an experience and then our very logical left-brain dissuades us from
taking the risk to do it.

I suggest that often what stops us is the sense that risking the unknown includes a possible risk of
failure or loss. Leaving our comfort zone and sense of security of the known can move us deeper into
the fear of confronting the unknown. We either make the choice to stay stuck in the fear or to walk
through it to discovery.

The most significant event was the day I decided to redo our bedroom about nine months after my
husband’s death. I was finally ready to let go of the fact that it was no longer our bedroom but it was
now mine. Read the rest of this entry »

Suicide is the one form of death that has quite a stigma attached to it. It brings with it a feeling of shame and betrayal. It is not the same as saying to someone “My father died in a car crash” nor is it the same as saying someone died from a heart attack. Having to explain that someone took their own life can be quite a difficult thing to do as we have no explanation as to why this dreadful occurance took place.

Suicide amongst young men is currently growing quite significantly around the world and I hope that by reading my poem and my newly published book “From Those Death Left Behind” that people can see the effects that suicide has on the family and friends that are left behind to deal with the loss and pain.

I have dedicated my poem “Suicide” below, to the memory of my father the late James Evans who sadly took his own life on the 29th October 1990. May his soul find eternal peace. Read the rest of this entry »

In my fifteen years of helping people change their lives working with emotional distress I have learnt many new things about human life and behaviour. Many of these lessons have come about with experience and not from books. One of such lessons is- how do we know when someone has completed the grief ‘process’. Read the rest of this entry »

My brother-in-law died suddenly last month when he fell from a ladder. We drove to Maryland where we celebrated Don’s life and visited with my husband’s family. Don was cremated so there was no physical body for anyone to ogle. Don was an avid fisherman and loved to be near the water. It only seemed appropriate that his celebration was held at the beach house of some dear friends who live on the eastern shore. Each person who wanted to speak was given a turn to share a story about Don. Afterward, Jimmy Buffet music played and margaritas flowed Read the rest of this entry »

Dealing with any kind of loss with a child or children is a task that most adults dread. Best friends can move away, a car can kill a favorite pet, a schoolmate can be killed in an auto accident, and Grandma may die suddenly are all situations that parents can face. In any case, a parent should handle the loss with dignity and quality so the child learns how to deal by comparison. Read the rest of this entry »

We know that the holidays can be an especially difficult time after a loved one has died. GriefWorks’ winter newsletter, which is attached, offers special support for this time of year. It also includes our schedule of upcoming programs and services.

Please note that we have cancelled the Night of Remembrance service originally schedule for Friday December 8. We invite you to instead join us at our Public Forum on Thursday November 30, from 7-8:30 p.m., which will be followed by a brief service of remembrance. There is no cost and no need to register. For more information, please see the attached newsletter, or call us at (253) 333-9420.

Feel free to forward this information to others who are seeking support or would welcome words of comfort and encouragement.

Wishing you special comfort now and always,

Gwen Waller
Bereavement Facilitator
Phone: 253-333-9420
E-mail: gwen@griefworks.org

Gloria—Here are the five domains of growth as we describe them on our website—www.ptgi.uncc.edu

What forms does posttraumatic growth take? Posttraumatic growth tends to occur in five general areas. Sometimes people who must face major life crises develop a sense that new opportunities have emerged from the struggle, opening up possibilities that were not present before. A second area is a change in relationships with others. Some people experience closer relationships with some specific people, and they can also experience an increased sense of connection to others who suffer.. A third area of possible change is an increased sense of one’s own strength – “if I lived through that, I can face anything”. A fourth aspect of posttraumatic growth experienced by some people is a greater appreciation for life in general. The fifth area involves the spiritual or religious domain. Some individuals experience a deepening of their spiritual lives, however, this deepening can also involve a significant change in one’s belief system.

Dr. Tedeschi was a guest on Healing the Grieving Heart Radio Show November 16th, 2006.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE ARCHIVED SHOW

Dear Friends,

As you may know, our son Keith Loehr died by suicide in 1999. Since then, Carol has created and maintained a website to help those who have suffered a loss by suicide and to help counselors and clergy better understand depression and suicide.

Carol has just recently published “My Uncle Keith Died” which is a children’s book to help families and children understand depression and understand the importance of talking about their feelings and getting help for people (especially children) who are depressed. Unfortunately, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in the USA among adolescents and young adults (source: “FamilyFirstAid”). Events precipitating depression can occur at an early age.

Our hope is that the book can be an educational tool and our greatest hope is that it helps prevents a tragedy from occurring in another family. The books message is that we need to get help for those who are suffering from depression.

Here is link to the article which appears in the “Life” section of the November 27th edition of Florida Today. I have also included a link to Carol’s website, “The Gift of Keith”

Dick Loehr

Life (link to article)

The Gift of Keith (link to website)