Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

We spent most of Joshua’s birthday evening at our church. One lady who lost her baby 10 years ago to sids said they let go balloons each year on her son’s birthday. They let go one balloon for each year that has passed. We thought that sounded like a good idea that the other children would enjoy. We bought the balloons and a birthday cake. We had the cake at our Wednesday night church dinner but it was too late to let go of the balloons that night so we thought we would wait until the next day.

Gasp…the balloons had lost there helium!

So our new tradition….We had the children say something they liked and remembered about Joshua and then they got to pop a balloon. Then the next one got to do the same until all the balloons were gone. They had a blast and got to think of good memories about our Joshua who would have been 11

We are starting a new category called Birthday Remembrances. The question keeps being asked, “How can I remember/celebrate my child’s birthday after they are gone?” Let us know what you do so those who are newly bereaved have some ideas and can choose or develop a birthday remembrance that is just right for their family.

The first entry is posted below.

Drs. Gloria and Heidi

Remembering Joshua’s 11th Birthday

We spent most of Joshua’s birthday evening at our church. One lady who lost her baby 10 years ago to sids said they let go balloons each year on her son’s birthday. They let go one balloon for each year that has passed. We thought that sounded like a good idea that the other children would enjoy. We bought the balloons and a birthday cake. We had the cake at our Wednesday night church dinner but it was too late to let go of the balloons that night so we thought we would wait until the next day.

Gasp…the balloons had lost there helium!

So our new tradition….We had the children say something they liked and remembered about Joshua and then they got to pop a balloon. Then the next one got to do the same until all the balloons were gone. They had a blast and got to think of good memories about our Joshua who would have been 11

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Pediatric Oncology
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guest:  Dr. Stephen Chanock
September 28, 2007
G:   Hello.  I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
H:   Dr. Heidi Horsley.
G:   Each week, Heidi and I welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for health care professionals who work in this most difficult field.  And always the message is others have been there before you and made it, you can, too.  You need not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please feel free to join Heidi, me, and our guest on the show by calling our toll free number, 1-866-472-5792, with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites.  All shows can be downloaded on Itunes and transcripts can be accessed on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com.  Well, good morning, Heidi. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m a 29 year mother from Bardstown,Ky. I recently lost my 3 year old daughter in a housefire on February 6th 2007. Her name is Dariyel Cyleigh Maddox. She was staying the night at her father’s house that night and the house caught on fire about 3:00am in the morning. There was 10 people who died in the house. No one got out. I got a phone call about 4:00am in the morning about the tragidy. At that moment I knew my daughter was gone forever! The fire was said to be the most disasterous in the history of Kentucky. We had to burey 10 bodies on February 10th 2007. It was the most hardest thing I’ll ever have to do in my life. I’ll never get over it. I’ll never be the same again. She was my best friend! She’s sadly missed! Just thought I would share my story with you.

Dear Carla,

We are so very sorry for your loss. It was, as you say, a tragic accident and a year is such a short time when it comes to grieving the loss of a child. We are glad you are sharing your story with us and we hope it gives you comfort to do so. Read the rest of this entry »

I believe with all my heart the words of Jeremiah 29:11, where the Lord says…I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. It all started 3 1/2 years when I married my wonderful husband. We met at church and it wasnt long after we met that we realized that we had mutual friends that had tried previously to get us together but it never happened and here we are going to the same church and did not even know it. We married in March 2004 and have been happy ever since. Anyhow fast foward 3 years later we start trying to conceive and since we had been studying on faith at church we took to heart what the Lord says in his word…”ask what you will in my name and it shall be done”. So we believed the Lord for twins. Well in March 2007 we found out we were pregnant not just one but 2. We got our twins! Well Lord since you did that we said we want a boy and a girl and in July 2007 we found out it was a boy and a girl, Collin and Cailyn are the names we gave them. Well, August 2007 at 24 weeks Collin and Cailyn came early. Collin leaves us 5 hours after he is born and Cailyn leaves 6 am the next day. We cried and hugged, asked why, cried and hugged some more. We had to make the decision of cremation or a burial. We had them cremated and have the ashes at home. I look at the urns every so often and it hurts so much sometimes. I sometimes feel guilty about moving on because Collin and Cailyn are not here with me. I know they are in heaven but I miss them so much. God has truly comforted me and given me his peace but it still hurts so much when I think of them and the pregnancy. Read the rest of this entry »

I lost my 20 year old son October 12, 2006 and I am so lost without him we did everything together .He was my best friend and my only child. The loss and desperation that I feel cannot be explained. There seems not to be any consoling or relief of the hole that I have in my heart. Bill was so happy his laughter and love of life was contagious, his smile lit a room. He never said a bad word about anyone or anything.My son now rests in the hands of Jesus, and lights the stars and moon at night. God must of needed a hero because he took my son. If anyone wants to share or help with this pain I will gladly listen. thankyou and God Bless Debbie Lee
Dear Debbie,

We are so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is the hardest thing we ever have to deal with as parents and there is no quick fix for the grieving. The first anniversary of his death is always the hardest and we understand what you are going through right now. This is a time to be gentle with yourself. Read the rest of this entry »

My youngest son, Chad 17 died in and auto wreck on 1-1-04 at age 17, his older brother was all that held me together. Chuck turned 20 that year, we just hung on to each other. I made him leave me and go to college one week after the funeral. We take everyday. Then 2-12-2006 I got the next horrible phone call telling me Chuck was dead. Now I just don’t know what to do. I CAN’T get over it. I was getting a little better and then on July 6th my brother died and on july 7 my mom died. I want to quit. But you know NOTHERING EVERY WILL HURT ME LIKE THE DEATH OF MY BOYS.  What do I do now? They were my future and that’s all gone.
Donna

Dear Donna,

Our hearts go out to you. The loss you have sustained with the death of your two sons, your brother and your mother is vast and we understand how empty your life must feel right now. Read the rest of this entry »

Katrina- My heart goes out to you. On August 25th, 2007, I laid my motorcycle down and as the tragic events go…that ride cost me my 10year old daughter. She was riding on the bike w/me. Brooke was my everything. I was there, I lived it and I live w/the lingering guilt everyday, I did this to her. I go to bed each night hating myself and wake up everyday wondering why people are so kind to me. If it weren’t for my 12 year old son, I think my husband would outwardly hate me for the responsibility I bare in the accident. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am for your loss, but I respect your feelings.

A response from Drs. Gloria and Heidi
Thank you for writing to console Katrina out of the depths of your own grief. Helping others is generally the surest way to find healing for yourself and we hope that is true for you. Read the rest of this entry »

When we experience something that causes us to feel shock and sadness, we may feel the urge to withdraw from life. It may seem like remaining withdrawn will keep us protected from the world, but during these times it is important to reach out to those trusted and precious people who care about us the most. Even with our best information and reasoning, we never know when someone else’s experience or perspective can give us additional information that we need. The universe speaks to us through many channels, and when we open ourselves up to receive its messages, we also receive nurturing care from a loving partner in life’s journey. Read the rest of this entry »

Editor’s Note: We encourage you to respond with the traditions you have established to remember your child’s birthday. This would be helpful to so many. We will create a new category for Birthday traditions if we hear from you.

Today is my son Joshua’s # 11 birthday. Its his first birthday away from us. He died July 20, 2007. He jumped in a spillway when the water was too high and drowned. We think it may have been a dare but his friends that were there are tight lipped about it around adults. I still wish he would come back somehow even though I am a Christian and believe that Joshua is in eternity having a blast. My question is….What kinds of traditions have people started on birthdays to help the family remember and honor their loved one?

Sally

Dear Sally,

We are so very sorry for your loss. It has been such a short time since Joshua died and we commend you for reaching out to others to find help. We are sure that you will not only find what you need but will help many in return. We have posted your poem and your request for birthday traditions on the first page of The Grief Blog and we hope we can start a new category that will help all those who can find comfort in these traditions. It is such a lovely idea and one we think will be appreciated by many. Read the rest of this entry »