Grief | Grieving | Death of a Child

Note: Often we encourage you to “be gentle” with yourselves when you are grieving. In the whirlwind of emotions we are experiencing on the grief path, we sometimes just can’t fathom what that means to us. Ellen Besso has given us some clear guidlines on how we can take care of ourselves during this harsh journey. Drs. Gloria and Heidi

Many of us are dealing with health issues and/or aging issues nowadays - our own, our family members’ and our friends. It’s tough to take care of ourselves when we have to take care of others, when we feel scared and anxious. The first things to go are our routines.

I’ve prepared a list of basics I hope will be helpful: Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Fellow Travelers,

           If you haven’t registered for J.I.M.’s Conference, you have 9 days.  Since it is our last formal time to Join In Memory, I hope you are going to be able to come.  If you have written a book, a pamphlet, made a Video, CD or DVD please contact Rosemary at childrenofdome@cs.com because she is setting up our book store.  It will be a chance to but books and have them signed by the authors.  There are several new authors this year.  I continue to be amazed by the parents I meet.  Our children will not be forgotten.  You may register for the conference at:

http://www.ucumberlands.edu/lamentations/register.html Read the rest of this entry »

To Val, our German Shepard /Dobie mix dog, there was no question that my husband Alex was the alpha male in the house.  She respected him.  She obeyed him. She bounced with enthusiasm at his approval and cowered in shame when he scolded her.  There was only one thing that excited her more than his attention and affection, and that was getting her nighttime treat.

She tolerated me as a new member of the pack when Alex and I got married.  But I wanted more than acceptance; I wanted her to love me, and I wasn’t above bribery. Read the rest of this entry »

 Note: Today we will begin running each of the poems entered into the poetry contest. They will run in no particular order and we believe you will see, as the judges did, that each is beautiful and special.  Thanks and kudos to each of you who entered. We are already looking forward to our next contest.

10 Years
     by Pamela Gabbay

It has been 10 years
Since you died
Why, I ask
Do I still cry?

10 years without you
Without your smile
Without your touch
Without your hugs
Telling me that everything will be all right Read the rest of this entry »

On this Memorial Day our love and support goes to all those who have lost loved ones in the service of their country.  It is also a day that we will reflect on all those we have loved and lost.  Take care of yourself on this Memorial Day and if needed look for the support of those around you.  Take a moment to think of a happy memory of your loved one and share it with us on the blog.  Also please join our family in a moment of reflection and silience at 3pm around the world.  If you visit your loved ones grave on this day we wish you well.  If like us you are not able to visit your loved ones grave, or do not desire to visit this place, you may want to consider lighting a candle, or putting a flower in front of that special photo.  Our thoughts and hearts are with you.  Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi

I would like to share a fond Memorial Day memory of my deceased mother, Phyllis Jensen.  Mother was a member of the Civic Improvement Club in our small town.  One of her duties was to wire red cellophane poppies on to the white crosses which marked the graves of veterans in our local cemetery.  Faithfully every Memorial Day at 4am in the morning mother and I would dress quickly so as not to wake other family members climb into the Ford pick-up truck and drive to the cemetery where we would meet two or three other women.  Mother would divide up a list of veteran’s names and give each person a map of the plots and by the time the sun rose each cross shown with a bright red poppy.   Mother and I had in our own small way honored those who had so faithfully served their country. Even at the tender age of seven my mother taught me that these boys and girls, men and women had stood for something that was greater than themselves.   God Bless our Veterans.  Dr. Gloria

I Think of You
          By Catherine Punton Wilson

I think of you and start to cry,
It breaks my heart that you had to die.
Your final days were filled with even greater pain,
Each day was a struggle, each night a torment
But never did you complain.
Only did you say ” Mom, I want my Normal Life Back”
As the traumas continued to stack. Read the rest of this entry »

I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world, that your beloved child died.. let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing - just silence, emptiness.. now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. you have never felt longing like this in your life! longing to hear her voice, to see her face again,…and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it. now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. every thing you loved now hurts like hell… Read the rest of this entry »

I was wondering if someone out there could help me to understand or help my daughter (Jacquie). My son-in-law Clinton passed away from melanoma cancer in June of 2006. They together had 3 children and were very much in love with each other. Clinton was 36 years old and a very wonderful husband, father and son-in-law. The concern that I am having is that my daughter is not going through the grieving process. When Clinton was diagnosed with the cancer metastisizing to the brain Jacquie fell apart for a little bit and then she just seemed to run, such as just not being at home by going to the store-etc. When Clinton passed about 6 months later Jacquie just seemed to take it in stride, she cried some but all in all she seemed to be dealing with it very well. I figured that she was dealing with it in her own way because she has been through an extreme amount of difficult things in her life and has learned how to cope, but I think that her coping is just to go into denial. Clinton’s best friend and cousins name was Alton whom he was very close to also. Read the rest of this entry »

My Third Child Is Grief
            By Sandra Priebe

It’s been three years since my husband suddenly left this earth in the middle of the night.
Jack and I had two children, they are growing and maturing beyond our hopes and dreams.
I’m kept busy guiding and participating in their lives but something else was going on interfering, interrupting and leaving it’s imprint on the days and nights.
 It was my unexpected third child, named Grief.

Three years ago Grief was a newborn. I was dazed, stunned, blue
and reeling from the constant demands. I did most of the nurturing and care-taking by instinct
just like I had done with my other babies, but unlike the support I received with my first children,
my mother and friends were not experienced in this process.
They helped with the other children but I was left alone to take care of the third. Read the rest of this entry »