Fly Your Flag on September 11

On Thursday, September 11th, 2008, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an Am erican flag on this seventh anniversary of one our country’s worst tragedies. We do this honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-should er against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn’t take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds

Action Plan:

So, here’s what we need you to do ..

(1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Please don’t be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don’t, then at least make it a priority on this day.

Thank you for your participation. God Bless You and God Bless America!

August 14, 2008 Death of a Sister in Law

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Death of a Sister-in-law and After 9/11: Death of a Husband
Hosts:  Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley
With guests:  Nancy Manahan, Becky Bohan, and Susan Retik
August 14, 2008
Gloria:  Hello, I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley with my co-host
Heidi:  Dr. Heidi Horsley.
Gloria:  Each week Heidi and I welcome you to Healing the Grieving Heart, a show of hope and conversation with those who’ve suffered the loss of a loved one and for healthcare professionals who work in this most difficult field.  And always the message is others have been there before you and made it.  You can too.  You need not walk alone.  If you’re listening to our Thursday live Internet show, please join Heidi and me and our guests on the show by calling our toll-free number, 1-866-472-5792, with questions or comments regarding the losses in your life.  These shows are archived on our blog, www.thegriefblog.com, as well as www.thecompassionatefriends.org websites and they are brought to you by the Open to Hope Foundation.  All shows can now be downloaded on iTunes and the transcripts can be accessed on www.thegriefblog.com.  Well, good morning, Heidi. Read more

August 14, 2008 Death of a Sister in Law

AUGUST 14, 2008 - DEATH OF A SISTER- IN-LAW:  NANCY MANAHAN AND BECKY BOHAN.  Nancy Manahan and Becky Bohan, authors of Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer and Beyond, give us the inspiring account of the last five years in the life of their sister-in-law, Diane Manahan.  Nancy and Becky will discuss how dealing with Diane’s loss has impacted their lives. Read more

Kim Hodne Writes and Comfort Sheilds Responds about Mental Illness and Suicide

Dear Comfort,
I heard you this morning on Dr. Gloria’s radio show. It was the best show ever on the topic of mental illness and suicide.I’ve been a listener for 4years.
Your insights on bipolar illness were very much appreciated. My husband and I lost our only child 24 yr. old son, Trevor, on Feb.1, 2004. He suffered from Bipolar from age 17 on and was getting treatment from a psychiatrist. He graduated from college in 2001 was in his second year of Graduate school, living in Dallas Tx.(200 mi from us) when he took his life with a gun he recently purchased (unbeknownst to us). He also led us to believe that he was getting better and saw his Dr. 2 days prior.
I read your blog on your website and was struck by the similarities. Trevor suffered mostly from the depressive side but I see now that his agitation and rapid speech and argumentiveness was his manic side.He did the rapid recycling between the two. I found the relationship aspect so interesting. He seemed to make me the sounding board and I bore the brunt of his anxiety and talking with him until he was rational again. He was studying Psychology and wanted to become a therapist. He knew everything about the illness. He convinced his Dr. to wean him off his medication, since he also didn’t feel himself when on it. (several meds and all the side effects)
Your closing thoughts on the show about not being able to save your loved really hit home . It took me a long time to forgive myself for not being able to save him . I was his biggest supporter and never dreamed he would ever lose all his hope. As a mother , I was very touched that you cared enough as a partner to help Ben with his struggle. I am also so sorry for your loss. We  miss Trevor every day. Despite all the problems, he was a true bright light in our lives.
Thank you so much for what you are doing.  I just ordered your book after I read some of the excerpts. I have journaled and written poetry about our tragedy.
Best to you-
Kim Hodne

Comfort Responds

Dear Kim,

I am very touched by your email, and so glad that yesterday’s Healing the Grieving Heart “spoke” to you. I was thrilled to be Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi’s guest, as I feel that Healing the Grieving Heart is one of the most important and valuable radio shows on grief. Thank you for writing to me. I am deeply sorry about your loss of Trevor. It does seem as if there are many similarities between our stories.

I am glad you brought up the point of not feeling oneself when on medication. Sometimes I have trouble convincing people that medication is not always the end all and be all. As you experienced with Trevor, the side effects can be crippling. Ben talked about that too. He hardly recognized himself, and he felt as if his medication took away his dignity. It is my personal feeling that while medications save many lives, the need for much research and further development in the area of psychopharmacology remains. I have hope that one day, there will be significant improvement in that area so that the side effects of medications such as the ones that Trevor and Ben felt will be greatly lessened.

As a mother of two myself, I cannot begin to imagine the grief that you have undergone. I salute you for your courage to talk and write about Trevor’s suicide. That is a wonderful achievement, which I imagine has come from much work on your part, and it is a gift for others.

I wish you peace and happiness in your life.

Kind regards,

Comfort

Thank You from Comfort Shields

Dear Gloria,

Thank you for inviting me to be a guest on your radio program. I have done more than twenty radio interviews, and your show, without a doubt was my favorite. You and Heidi ask meaningful and thought-provoking questions and are delightful to talk to. In preparation for my interview, I went back and listened to most of your archived interviews. What a treasury of interviews you have built up; the radio show archives are an invaluable resource for people. I feel fortunate to have been a part of that. Read more

A Plea For Help

I would like to ask your help and your connections if anyone has ever had to deal with any of this. As you know, my son was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes in his 20’s. He is now 32. He has been in the hospital 3 times again, in the last three months, and is currently still there. I know his problems. I can not help him as much as I want to. He hates himself, he hates the fact that his best friend and brother died the night he could not go because of plumbing problems. He is on a very self destructive path. Between his guilt, between his neuropathy, his diabetes, his financial problems, his lack of caring for himself, his 4 year old daughter watching him self-destruct, being in the hospital because he won’t take care of himself. Between all the drugs all of these different doctors prescribe, get him, hooked and cut him off, and he looks elsewhere. He needs a major intervention. He needs major help with dealing with his grief and I believe that is the biggest part of this, since all of this started after his brother died. I do not know where to turn or what to do. All I can do is give my support and watch him kill himself. If you know of anyone that has to deal with sibling grief and a really hard time with it, could you please let me know? I am desperate.

Thanks so much,

Jeanne

About the Radio Show on 8/28/08

Drs. Gloria and Heidi-
I thought the segment you aired today 8/28/08 on suicide survival was one of the best you have done. Comfort Sheilds was so poignant as she spoke of her boy friends mental illness and suicide. As you know, I too lost my son Trevor at age 24 in almost the exact situation.
All your closing words about thinking you’d be able to save your loved one are very powerful. I struggled so much in the first couple of years, just with the fact that I felt I could always protect him and save him no matter what. It’s only in the last year or so (year 4) that I have been able to release those thoughts and forgive myself. I plan on getting her book and visiting her site.
Thank you so much for your insights.
Kim Hodne

An Ordinary Day

By Kim Hodne

He had a broad smile and bright eyes

As he bagged my groceries

On an ordinary day

We laughed about the checker

Who didn’t know her fruits

She laughed along with us

I glanced at his name tag

And saw it read Trevor

My heart took a leap

I said my son’s name is Trevor

Surprised I used the present tense

He’s 29 now-

But I left out the rest….

It’s not a very common name

Are there many in your grade?

At first, just me

Then a few others came along

Does anyone call you Trev?

No, he blushed

Some call me Trevi

I smiled and said that’s nice

We always called him Trev

He loaded my basket

Smiling the whole time

He asked if I needed help out

And I wanted to say

Oh no, you just gave me a gift

Just to say his name aloud

A Letter to Comfort Shields from Kim Hodne

This response was sent to Comfort Shields from Kim Hodne after the August 28 show of  Healing The Grieving Heart.  It is truly wonderful to see how our guests and bloggers reach out to one another.  Heidi and I send our love and appreciation to all of those who listen and write.  We truly do not walk alone.  Dr. Gloria & Dr. Heidi

Gloria C. Horsley Ph.D.

Dear Comfort,
I heard you this morning on Dr. Gloria’s radio show. It was the best show ever on the topic of mental illness and suicide.I’ve been a listener for 4 years.

Your insights on bipolar illness were very much appreciated. My husband and I lost our only child 24 yr. old son, Trevor, on Feb.1, 2004. He suffered from Bipolar from age 17 on and was getting treatment from a psychiatrist. He graduated from college in 2001 was in his second year of Graduate school, living in Dallas Tx.(200 mi from us) when he took his life with a gun he recently purchased (unbeknownst to us). He also led us to believe that he was getting better and saw his Dr. 2 days prior. Read more

Chris Mulligan:AfterLife Agreements and Allan Cole: Getting Through Your Grief

Chris Mulligan lost her son, Zack, in 2000. Zack’s death was a life changing event that drew her to believe that she had chosen to design her own life plan. This philosophy has helped Chris to accept as a gift her trials and tribulations. Chris is the author of, “Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond”.

Dr. Allan Cole is a Professor of Pastoral Care at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary and author of “Good Mourning: Getting through your Grief”. Dr. Cole’s has helped hundreds of people go through the mourning process. He believes in staying active, and engaged when dealing with loss.

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