A Letter to Mommy

By Lana Golembeski -

Dear ones….Alicia guided my fingers tonight…and wrote this poem. It is from her…and God to all of us still here. Wish I could read it to you but I can’t read it without crying. I know she is right here with me. Sending you all my love and being thankful for the time I had with my precious Alicia and thankful that all of you are my dear and closest friends…no matter what distance separates us. May God bless you and hold you close tonight on this Thanksgiving eve! This is dedicated to all of our angels…who we miss so much!
Love, Lana

Letter to mommy

Mommy dearest, just writing to let you know

That each and every day I miss you so.

Best friends we will ever be,

No matter the distance between you and me.

You kissed my hurts and loved me so.

You rocked me in your arms to and fro.

You calmed me throughout the night,

While hugging me so very tight.

Every day you always kept me near

And wiped away my every tear.

No matter what the season,

You always loved me for no reason.

Thankful will I ever be,

For letting me be oh so free!

With angel wings my heart takes flight,

Finding joy and spreading my light!

Each and every day I come to visit,

While upon your shoulders I often sit,

Sending all my love to your soul,

Trying so hard to help you once again feel whole.

Mommy, my sweetest dear,

Feel my presence so very near.

Mommy, please don’t feel so sad

For I am with the very best Dad!

His love is oh so great!

Your entrance his angels do await.

There are no words to describe the beauty of this land

Formed by our Father’s loving hand.

Love and light shine everywhere

Even in places we fear to dare.

So mommy, please dry your tears

For in this place there are no more fears.

Love and laughter fill the air

And light shines throughout the lands everywhere!

Joy itself knows no bounds

And fills the air all around.

So mommy dearest

Look into the stars to feel me nearest.

You and I will always be best of friends,

Always, until the very end.

All of the angels within and beyond your sight

Are always there; making spirits bright!

God and I from up above,

Send to you our special love!

Thankful for Son’s Years: An Article About Eric Hipple and Real Men Do Cry

gloria horsley (gloriahorsley@yahoo.com) thought you might be interested inreading the following story, which appeared on deseretnews.com on Thursday, November 27, 2008.  See the Link below.

THANKFUL FOR SON’S YEARS
The story begins and ends with a grave on a grassy hill in Logan. Jeffrey
Daniel Hipple is buried here under a polished, black granite headstone, with the
image of his face carved into the stone above a drawing he once made of winged
shoes.
FULL STORY: http://deseretnews.com/article/1%2C5143%2C705266299%2C00.html

December 4, 2008: Death to AIDS: Finding Healing and Hope

December 4, 2008: Death to AIDS:  Finding Healing and Hope
1st Guest:  Suzi Peel
Suzi Peel lost several friends to AIDS in the 80’s, and volunteered in end-of-life work. She organized the World AIDS Conference in Geneva in 1998, and the African AIDS Conference in Nairobi in 2003. She has worked for children orphaned by AIDS in Africa.
suzi@npasite.net

2nd Guest Carol Lynn Pearson
Carol Lynn Pearson is an author and poet whose former husband, Gerald, died of AIDS in 1984.  Through his struggles as a gay man, they remained close friends and were connected by their four children.  Carol Lynn chronicles this tragic and inspiring story in her book “Goodbye, I Love You”.

Grief … Reminders for Healing. A video for those who grieve

We  recently received a note from Gale Massey encourageing us to let you know about her pocket size book, Grief . . . Reminders for Healing and about the video that has been made from it. It is used by hospices to help bereaved families and friends. She asked, “Might you consider placing the video on you homepage for a period of time during the holidays? It is a free offering by two artists who are searching for ways to turn their personal grief into something useful for the world we live in.” The origina music was written by Andrea Henning specifically for the video. We encourage you to watch it at http://helpwithgrief.wordpress.com/2008/11/18/grief-remindersforhealingcom/ (If you click the box in the lower right corner below the green frame, you can see it on your full screen)

You also might be interested in reading her story which is below:

Hello Gloria,

I’m happy to share my personal story with you, although there isn’t much too remarkable about my adventures in grief.

My father died when I was seven, so I came into grief very young.  Back then (in the 60’s) we didn’t talk about things like cancer and grief.  When I went to college I was drawn to psychology so I learned some about grief and Kuble-Ross and Steven Levine.  I also attended an older friend who was dying of cancer.  I started reading what I could on the subject and was somewhat educated regarding what literature was available.

In 1991 I was in graduate school, studying counseling.  My cat was killed by some dogs one afternoon and my pain was so great at the loss that I thought I might die.  I decided to write a small booklet that reflected what I knew about grief psychology but put it in gentle words.  I called it Grief… reminders for healing.  I began selling it to funeral homes and then hospices.  Now there are .5M copies in print.

Last month I decided to turn it into a slide show and one thing led to another.  A friend saw it, tweaked it and added a piano composition to it, something she had written to help her process her own grief.  So we ended up with the Help With Loss video.  We decided it would be nice to put it on the web in time for the holidays, so others might draw some strength from viewing it.

That’s the short version.  I believe that healing comes in community, and that grief can, at times, be a source of creativity that helps us connect to others.

I hope you find the video useful and thanks for listening.

All the best,
Gale

Why Can’t I Cry?

I’m not sure what to say, but feel compelled to write something. My 38 yr old daughter Colleen died May 20, 2008. I spoke to her that morning, she was feeling better than she had for 2 weeks. I was in another state with my younger daughter she & her husband were to adopt a child and I was helping with the their 2 small boys. Less than 3 hrs later my husband called and said Colleen is gone. She died of an asthma attack. She had asthma all of her life and felt she could handle any situation. Her 2 small children were just coming home from school. The paramedics did not reach her in time. We had a service and lots of loving people said kind and wonderful words to us, I smiled thanked them, never shed a tear, and in my mind & heart did NOT believe and still don’t believe she’s gone. We are blessed to have gardianship of our 2 Grandchildren 7 & 9 they make us happy. Why can’t I cry?  I start to and then I won’t let my self. 4 Mos before Colleen died my Mother died, I didn’t cry; but I am so hollow inside.

We went thru Hurricane Katrina, lost our home and business. Used all of our savings to rebuild our home, I didn’t cry. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I am numb. Its like I can’t focus on any one thing, my mind just jumps around. The only thing that keeps me going is the children. I am falling apart inside, but outside I look fine. MY DAUGHTER CAN’T BE GONE, IT CAN’T BE. I see her standing in the hall looking in at the children in their bedrooms. Am I carzy?  Please someone give me something to help. I can’t not have my daughter in my life

Sherry

Dr. Gloria Responds

Dear Sherry,

I would say that you have been through more than most people go through in a life time! Just the loss of a home and a business is enough to put most people over the top.  Loss of a mother and then loss of a daughter is more than the mind can wrap its self around.  That hollow empty feeling is something that we who have lost our children are very familiar with as are those feelings that we are going crazy.  Taking on the care of your grandchildren is a wonderful gift but also intails the physical burdens of cleaning and cooking and being there for projects and homework.  As a grandmother I can not even imagine the hurt of losing my child and also knowing that the little ones will grow up without their loving mother.  Wow! So hard and so much.

My son was only 17 when he died so I was able to spend more time than you are taking care of myself.  I had time to cry and spend time dealing with my loss.  Sherry, I would suggest that you find some time of your own to contemplate your losses.  You need to write about them as you have today.  You also need to talk about them in order to get them into some kind of perspective.  I know you want to be strong for the children but you must also find places for you to be a bereaved child and parent.

I would suggest that you find a group that meets on a weekly basis.  Contact your local Hospice or hospital to find a bereavement group in your area.  I would also suggest that you find a Compassionate Friends Group in your area to attend on a monthly basis.  You can also consider a professional therapist or someone in your religious community who is willing and available to listen to your story on a weekly basis.

I know you are probably thinking I don’t have time to think of myself.  I would say you must take the time.  Christ said it best, “love your neighbor as you love yourself”.  Show love to yourself so that you can better take care of others.

Please keep us posted on your journey and listen to some of our radio shows.You can find  them at The Grief Blog, Radio Show Archives. We specifically recommend:

September 25, 2008
Healing the Soul
Guest: Judy Wolf
and

Living With the Death of a Child
Suzanne Redfern and Susan Gilbert
August 21, 2008
Change and Transition after Loss
Guests: Audrey Stringer and Ariane de Bonvoisin

July 10, 2008
Coping Through a Lifetime: Children, Trauma and Death
Guest: Dr. Robin Goodman

We have been there and know that you can make it.  Fondly, Dr. Gloria

Our Thanksgiving Message for You

Dear friends of the blog,
Heidi and I want to wish you a thoughtful Thanksgiving. For some of you it will be a more happy event than for others.  We encourage you to take care of yourself. Don’t overdue. Arrive a little later and give yourself permission to leave a little early. Take a nap or a walk. See a funny movie. Listen to some special music.  Take a bubble bath. Of course light a candle or put out a rose for your lost loved one. Listen to Healing The Grieving Heart’s archived show.  Write an e-mail to an understanding friend or send a note and picture of your loved one to our blog. We admire all of you and know it takes courage and faith. Gloria & Heidi

How Can it Be?

By Kim Hodne -

How can it be?
The fifth Thanksgiving without you
Why do I still yearn for you to appear?
And request the apple raisin stuffing

This time of year
I feel the cloak of sadness upon me
It feels heavy and scratchy
Weighing me down

I visit your resting place
And lean up against you
But cry that you are not really there
I tie a wreath on and pray

The holidays were
your favoriteTime of the year
You love the lights and decorations
The holiday cheer

When they first told me you were gone
I thought where will I be five years from now?
Here I am, still longing for you
To have a seat at the table

I wish I had your Christmas list to fill
Not an empty feeling
As I see all the bustlingAll around town

Peace to you my son
You are never forgotten
I yearn for the day
I see you again.

Take Part in Research Study on Social Relationships and Loss

Has someone close to you died? As you may have heard on “Healing the Grieving Heart”, a new study on social relationships and loss is being conducted by a doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. You are invited to participate in this important new study investigating interpersonal relationships and how they might have affected your feelings about your loss.

In order to participate I would ask you to fill out a confidential 15 minute survey.  All participants will have the option of being entered in a raffle to win a $100 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Your participation will contribute to a better understanding of relationships and loss.

If you are over eighteen years of age and would like to participate, please go to the following link:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=yXh28AbGKsj9ycoMzVE7ew_3d_3d

If you have any questions or would like the questionnaires to be sent to you, please contact Naomi Edelson by phone at (415) 290-0164 or by email at lossresearch@gmail.com.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

A POEM FOR LITTLE HAYLEE MAZZELLA 9-13-08

By Shelli -
I wrote you a new poem, little Haylee. It’s called “Always, Always, Always.”

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS

For Haylee, Mommy, & MeMaw

Love, Shelli

Always happy, heartfelt smiles
Graced her dear sweet face
Always sweetness filled the air
When she was in the place

Always always she would laugh
And grin those precious grins
Always when I looked at her
Sweetness colored the lens

Always she would say to us
I love you much and more
Always my sweet baby girl
You’re what my heart beats for

Always and forever
And always with no end
Her sweetness fills my memories
She was my favorite friend

Always I have loved you
Since before I knew your name
Now always is your absence
And nothing is the same

Always always always
Each second of each day
I wish with all my heart and soul
God would have let you stay

Every day and always
A hole lives in my heart
An aching deep within my soul
Because we had to part

I’m lonely now and always
Sad forevermore
Since death it stole my precious child
When she was only four

Always always always
I beg to push rewind
Roll back this tape of history
And travel back in time

I’d run and grab my little one
Before the danger loomed
I’d hold her then and always
Free her from this tomb

But always always always
My plea falls on deaf ears
The only answer given me
Is life so full of tears

Today, tomorrow, and always
My soul is torn in two
It never can be whole again
Not while I’m missing you

Always and forever
And always will not end
My joys melt with my sorrows
A bitter and sweet blend

Always and forever
And then I’ll add a day
You’ll be the purest dream my sweet
When down to bed I lay

Always always always
Way past the end of time
You’ll still be the dearest gift
I ever could call mine

Memories

By Lana Golembeski -

All that remains are the memories

Of your laugh, your smile, and you.

Faded photographs remind me of happier times

I look at your pictures

I touch your face

Your hair

But it isn’t you.

Those are just pictures that bring back the

Memories

I can see your love of life

Your love of friends

Your love of living

In each picture of your life.

But those pictures end

Too soon for someone like you.

I long to touch your beautiful hair

To hear your wonderful laugh

To give you a big hug

To hear your stories of your life.

I want to take you shopping once again

And to lavish you with silly

and wonderful things.

I have no one to spoil anymore;

No one to call me “mom”;

No one to tell me that they love me.

And I long to hold you once again and

To whisper in your ears how much I love you…until the end of time.

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