How Do I Cope After the Death of My Husband?
I just lost my husband of 25 years to liver cancer, October 2008, lived for 6 months after he was diagnosed. I cry day and night because I miss him so much. He was my world and I don’t think I can cope with his death!!! We were the best of friends and we never went any where without each other, we were inseparable. We have a 17 year old son, who I have to sleep with every night in order to be able to close my eyes at night, he is also so devastated. I’d give anything to be able to hold him, hear his amazing voice, and kiss him once more…it hurts soooo bad!!!!!!
Jackie
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Respond
Dear Jackie,
We are so sorry to hear of the death of your husband. Right now it feels like you can’t cope because you were so close for those 25 years and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself while the pain is so new and so great. Give yourself time to grieve and do what you need to do for comfort as you begin to heal. Know that others have made it before you and you can too.
Don’t try to go it alone. You have reached out to us and now we hope that you will help yourself and your son by finding additional support in your community. We would suggest to you that you reach out to friends, family, religious community, and possibly professional counseling for support. Try contacting your local hospital or hospice to find a support group. We would also suggest that you go to our blog for those who have lost a spouse, http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/ and consider blogging about your experiences with grief. Writing is a wonderful outlet that helps not only you but at the same times gives encouragement and hope to others.
Your son may also need help and counseling to deal with the loss of his dad. While it is not unusual for a family to sleep in the same room after the sudden death of a family member we feel that your grief and need may be putting undue stress on your young adult son. It is important to remember that teens need their space and they often feel like they have to remain strong for their grieving parent and take care of them. Teens can feel responsible for parents and feel like they need to be with them to fill the void left by the deceased parent. It’s important that we as parents gently encourage our teens to go through the normal developmental stage of separation and individuation – spending time with friends and sleeping by themselves. Reassuring teens that you (parent) will be o.k. even though you are grieving right now often is a relief to teens who are carrying the burden of thinking they have to comfort bereaved parents. You and your son may both find help in reading our book, Teen Grief Relief.
You may also find help and comfort in listening to some of our archived Healing the Grieving Heart radio shows. You can find them by going to The Grief Blog and clicking on the Radio Show Archives tab or going to http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/. We specifically recommend the following shows:
June 26, 2008
Meanings of Life, Death, Loss, and Grieving
Guests: Thomas Attig, PhD and Nancy Cincotta
April 17, 2008
Healing After the Death of a Husband
Guest: Tammy Stoner
December 20, 2007
Getting Through the Holidays Without Your Spouse
Linda Della Donna
December 7, 2007
How to Help Your Teens Grieve in a Healthy Way
Drs. Heidi and Gloria are guests on
The Parents Hour with Dr. Arline Kerman
We will post your letter and our response on The Grief Blog because we believe it will be a help to many of our readers. We encourage you to check back for comments which may be left by our loving and compassionate visitors.
We wish you well as you walk this very difficult path we call grief.
Sincerely,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
I cannot imagine it will ever get easy…just learning to keep it in when you are at work and letting it all out when you get home. I lost my husband in April of 2009 the day of our youngest daughters birthday. I made it thru christmas, even pulled the tree downstairs and put it up. Last night was pretty tough…and it didn’t occur to me until I finished bringing in the groceries and getting the kids to bed that it was our night to play host and hostess to all our neighbors. Every year we did the same thing-a dinner and than a walk out to his warm shop to laugh and exchange stories. His shop was cold…his coat hanging outside the kitchen door. I too pretend he is outside in his shop or out with a friend and will be back later to crawl into bed and put his cold feet on mine to warm up. Sometimes it’s just easier to give yourself that false security. I lost a lot of weight the first three months but you do eventually start to eat again. The tears will always be in the back even when you think you are having a good day. It only takes one thing and you will lose it. I have been going thru this for 9 months now and it feels like the first day. I could have crawled into the coffin with him that day. We still have a 6 and 9 year old and he was not suppose to die. They have been why I keep going everyday, they need a parent. We will be starting couceling next week-sometimes you just need to throw in the tall and admit you have lost the battle. It is just too hard to do by yourself and I am hoping that someone will give me what I need to survive this. My faith has been broken and I know that if he could he would try his hardest to give me some comfort somehow. I pray that I will have something happen to let me know he is somewhere and not just in the ground. He was my best friend-and I am no longer whole. I feel like a huge gaping hole is right where my heart used to be. Everyone has gone back to their lives affected but they have moved on. It’s hard to not be bitter when you know that everyone’s life didn’t stop with yours. But I guess you will still fight in their honor thru death. They will not simply just be forgotten-…does anybody else feel crazy at sometimes? I find myself literally talking out loud, saying I cannot wait til he get’s home so I can finally fall asleep.
I too feel his doctor failed him-we are just numbers to them anyway. He was only 37 so when he felt his heart was having problems they put him thru stress tests. Determining it was only “Heartburn” they put him on a heartburn medicine. I guess his paleness and claminess wasn’t enough for the doctor to give him a “real” Heart test. So I know why you are so angry…and yes mistakes happen. But when will doctors start listening to their patients? We are not all hypocondriacs some of us have the real deal going on.
Oh Lucy, I am so sorry. Reading everyone’s columns is making me cry for another. My husband was killed while driving home from work. He was 37…and his doctor was very incompendant. His coworkers let him walk out looking pale and clammy. What has this world come to? To be human is to care…not many people do these days. It’s as if it would be inconvenient to take notice or care about anothers’ health. Even in the workplace we are told to go when we are sick. With the insurance companies putting such huge deductables and no copays out there most people do not or cannot afford to go see a doctor. Guys in general are bad for this kind of thing. I heard about Michael’s death 3 hours after he was gone. He had already been brought to the coroners’ office and my boss knew. He just couldn’t tell me so he waited for a deputy(they took their sweet time) I was joking about him earlier to a coworker because he was crabby the night before because I started heating up his lunch for the girls. I thought it was leftovers to be eaten. I loved that man as much as a woman could love. I did not get to hold his hand while he layed in a mangled mess. A complete stranger had to console him as I finished my morning work. I didn’t even get to see him for a week because he was so severly injured and the mortician needed time(he didn’t have to say it but I knew Michael would have to be laid out to drain fluids) it is so gory to think of them that way. His autopsy told me all the wounds and trauma. It’s so hard to get pictures of my head…imagining his accident. His car hitting the light pole and tearing in half. On his babies birthday. Faith-what is faith. I cannot help but question our existence. Why I was told my whole life there is a God and he will be here to help me thru. Why, why would he? Why would he be here now? He wasn’t there when I needed him to be and I still don’t feel him. Even though I talk to him all the time. I feel so abandoned.
My story is similar to the one that Lucy Jo had written about her husband, Ken passed away in July of 2008 he had worked all night the night before and he was going to go up and lay down, and to wake him for dinner around 6, well before he went upstairs he came back down stating that he had chest pains, and I asked him do you want to go to the hospital I will call an ambulance. He said no I will take a rolaids and its just heart burn so he went up stairs and came back down and laid on the couch for a minute, then he did this a couple of times then went back up to lay down, I remember he was coughing and I asked him do you want me to run to the store and get you some cough drops and he said go ahead, I brought him back his cough drops and then went back downstairs and fell asleep on the couch, till 530, I was talking to my son shortly before and he asked hows dad doing, he knew that Ken was not feeling the greatest, I told him he had a bit of chest pain but he said that he would be okay, after I got off the phone I went up to ask him what did he want for dinner, Thats when I found him eyes wide open, one leg off the side of the bed, I called 911 and they said to get him onto the floor and give him cpr well all I could hear was gurgling from his lungs I guess, but nothing happened when I tried. They arrived within 5 min, According to my sister in law that was there at the time she said I had told 5 different stories on what happened I remember now but I guess the shock of it all at the time. When the emts left, they left all their crap behind for me to clean up but instead my brother in law did it. . To this day it sticks in my head how I found him. trying to figure what happened did he fall back and hit his head off the headboard as a month later I was still picking his hair out of the headboard. We had no insurance or anything I didnt know how to go about dealing with a funeral or anything, luckily my brotherinlaw dealt with that with his mother so he knew right away what to do. To this day I wish he was alive and here with me, Ken was my world we were together always the only time we were apart is when were working, I would get up early in the morning to head out to work and Ken would just be getting home he would sit there and talk to me till I had to go and then he would wait till I got home from work then He would go up and lay down before his shift started. The stupid thing is I even miss the moods he would get into. That man was my soul mate. Some of his family have been great as well as the kids. The other 1/2 of his family not so great, of course at the house the night he passed away a argument broke out between brother and sister and to this day I have not heard from the sister. But he would want me to go on but I will never find another man like him, 25 years together we went through alot. To me the pain is still there the hardest time I find is when I am alone, I am no longer in the place that we lived together had to downsize to a 1 bedroom apartment that I hate. He would want me to go on and thats what I am trying to do The tears have let up a bit, I miss him terribly, I have gained a bit of weight that now I realize that I am going to have to lose, It does get a bit easier but the memories of that day is still fresh in my mind
My husband passed away just one month ago, on Dec. 1, 2009. He was diagnosed with cancer on October 29, and in less than five weeks lost 40 pounds and got to the point where he could not eat, talk or walk. He had esophageal, liver and pacreatic cancer, and yet just two months before he was doing his daily run in the morning, almost 4 miles, with an uphill climb. He was never sick, had just had a physical that proclaimed him healthy over the summer. It is so hard to believe. This Monday would be our 34th anniversary, we were high school sweethearts. We shared the same birthday, so we felt we were soul mates destined for each other. I am thankful for our four beautiful children who have been my strength. I’m determined to not be bitter, because I have seen that destroy others I know who have been widowed too soon. When I see his clothes in the closet, that is when I lose it the most. I want to smell them to try to still smell him, I just changed my bed sheets today for the first time in five weeks because they were the last ones he slept on. I know it is still so soon, but I know I will feel sad every day. Today I went to watch the friend of a daughter get married at a church ceremony, and when the father walked her down the aisle, my tears started, as my daughters won’t get to experience that joy. I have managed to have laughter in my days too, I am vowing to not let the sadness overcome me to the point where I don’t enjoy life anymore. I know it is hard, believe me I feel the sadness at the drop of a pin, but my husband was such a fun loving, life-loving person, and I know truly that we must enjoy each day because we see how precious each day is, and how quickly life can change…. I hope all of you find some contentment in your days, and even with the sadness and tears try to find happiness and joy in the world, your friends and family.
I LOST MY HUSBAND ON FATHERS DAY OF 2009. HE WAS ONLY 24YRS OLD. HE WAS MY BEST FREIND, LOVING HUSBAND AND THE BEST DAD. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 9YRS AND WERE MARRIED ON VALENTINES DAY THAT SAME YEAR. WE WERE VERY MUCH IN LOVE AND WE HAVE 3 YOUNG KIDS. THAT DAY WAS THE BEST AND WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. WE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY AT THE LAKE WITH OUR KIDS, WE HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THEM. WHEN WE GOT BACK, ME AND THE BABY STAYED HOME WHILE HE DROVE DOWN THE STREET TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS DAD AND BROTHER FOR THE REST OF FATHERS DAY. OUR 2 OLDER KIDS STAYED THE NIGHT THERE, WHEN HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME HE STOPPED TO GET CIGARETTES AT A CIRCLE K. THERE HE GOT INTO SOME SORT OF ARGUMENT WITH A DRUNK MAN. WHEN MY HUSBAND LEFT, THAT MAN AND 2 OTHERS FOLLOWED HIM. ABOUT A MILE AWAY THEY BOTH STOPPED THEIR CARS, MY HUSBAND CALLED HIS BROTHER FOR HELP SAYING SOMEONE WAS FOLLOWING HIM….HIS BROTHER GOT THERE ABOUT 2 MINUTES LATER BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN STABBED IN THE NECK. HE DIED A COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER IN HIS BROTHERS ARMS. THIS HAS BEEN VERY VERY HARD ON ALL OF US. ITS BEEN 7MONTHS AND I STILL CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY. I CANT DO THE FUN THINGS I USED TO DO WITH MY KIDS, IM SO LOST.
Its been 7 months since my honey passed away. I thought how am I going to go on without him? He was so many things to me and our family. I miss him so dearly and love him more than I can ever say with words. I remember thinking awhile back, oh no the taxes I have to find someone to do my taxes now, The family dinner is coming up, he was the main cook. He was so many things to me. No one has ever loved me like he did. I doubt I will ever find love that way again. I recently ran into an old friend from school I hadn’t seen him in over 28 years. We reconnected and we talk all the time. He is a good person but I try not to compare him to my honey, no one can compare. But if this does evolve into a relationship I will welcome it with open arms. That’s what my honey wants for me, to be happy. So I’ll try. with a companion or without. That’s what he wants for me.
I lost my husband on September 14, 2005. We all thought he was going to get better. He had heart problems, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and had also been diagnosed with kidney failure. It was so hard to lose him. I miss him so much. He said he would always be with me and my daughter. He said he would never leave us. I just hate coming home to an empty house. I try to keep busy so that I am hardly ever home. It does not get easier as time goes by.
my husband died two weeks ago Good Friday. He had muscular dystrophy plus an abscessed cavity in the colon which blew. because of his muscular dystrophy he had severe dysphagia. he was in hospital february 3rd til he came home monday before last. he had had double pneumonia 4 times between feb. 3rd and his passing on mar 19th. i am devastated. he was 15 yrs older than me. was 77 and we had been married 30 yrs. i feel lost. such a void in my life as i did for him plus everday things for so long. he was and still is my forever love. he literally waited for me to grow up. People tell me time and more time but from what i am reading the wound never heals. not sleeping, not hungry but do keep busy. if not then i have too much time to think. i have no children so am truly alone as family lives so far away. my forever love is gone.
My husband Mark, (23yrs) passed away June, 25 2009 after a month in the hospital. He had suffered a widow maker heart attack in July of 08, but never really bounced back. In and out of the hospital with CHF complications and renal failuar. In May on 09 he was again hospitalized this time they put in a heart pump to sustaine him till he could have a transplant, but he kept bleeding internally and they had to keep going back in and trying to stop it, they found a very large ulcer in the colon and he ended up with a Colostomy, wich devestated him but I told him it didn’t matter I would take care of him and his mom would help me. He started to resond to meds and on fathers day he was off the vent and sitting in a chair talking, our kids came bringing the grandbabies, with in a week he was non responsive. Test told us he had had a massive stroke and there was no hope for recovery, so I took him off life support and he passed naway June 25,2009 at 12:55 am with me and our daughter holding his hand. I know he is in heaven, but I am so lost, I went into a very deep depression requireing a hospital stay, but now I think about him every second of every day and I know he would want me to “Rally on” as he put it, but I honestlly do not know how
I am so, so , sorry for your loss No one can tell you how it feels. i lost the most wonderful man after 40 years, we have 3 children, 8 grandchildren, and now one great grandchild. I am only 60, which probably seems old to you. He was a wonderful “poppy”, he worked on cars with some of the grandsons., and fished with the ones that liked to fish and took the girls shopping (although I must say that wasn’t his most favoriate thing to do. Now that I am done with that… you must get on with your life.. no one in this world will replace your husband, but you have to move on for your children, let them learn to love …… and you need to love again. I wish you the best. I have learned that… and God has given me another wonderful man.
My husband died August 24, 2006. He had a heart attack. It has been almost 4 years and I am still grieving. I miss him so much. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my traveling companion, my everything. I really don’t believe I will ever find another who could treat me as well as he did. Still after almost 4 years without him, I find myself crying as I drive in to work and sometimes while driving home from work. I talk about him all the time. My co-workers remember him and our relationship because we worked at the same place for years. They know how devastating it was for me when he died. I’m still hurt and my heart has a hole in it. Some days it seems better and some days it seems it’s not. My friends tell me I am lonely and need to date. I tried dating but I was always comparing the person to my husband so I stopped. I try to go on with my life but it gets hard sometimes. I guess in a little more time. I keep asking God for strength to endure. Will I forever be in love with my deceased husband? It certainly feels like it at the rate I’m going now.
Hello all, I just stumbled upon this site…and am glad I did. Your stories have really hit me hard. I lost my husband Lou in August ‘05. He was healthy, happy no med probs…suffered a massive heart attack alone in the kitchen in wee hours. I found him on floor at 9:15 on Sunday morn; I called 911, did CPR, nothing could bring him back to me. You’re so right about things being just a blur. I still cannot bring myself to open up the box of cards, etc. from the funeral home. We were married 35 years, and I was the fire, but he was my spark. We had no kids, our choice and both came from small families. I visit the mausoleum every few weeks; I keep one red silk rose in the vase. His pet name was ‘Puppy’, mine was ‘Cubs’. I cannot put into words how much I miss him…his smile, his laugh, the way he would hold a pencil (he was lefty)…so many things race thru my mind and I sit and cry while the cats watch me with their inquiring eyes. Yes, its almost 5 years and the empty void is ever present. I’m glad we had the best marriage possible, as I have only good memories. Someday we will be together, for eternity. God bless us all.
I lost my husband in September of 2005. We had only been married 18 years. We had a beautiful daughter together. I miss him so much. I waited so long to get married, and then he was taken away from me so suddenly. He was a diabetic, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart problems, but what makes matters worse is that he picked up an infection at the VA hospital in San Antonio, Texas. They were the people that were supposed to be taking care of him and they made him sick and he died because of that. He had the will to live, and I know he went fighting, because he was not a quitter. I did not have the chance to say goodbye, and that is what makes it harder. I miss him so much. No one will ever replace him.
I LOST MY BEST FRIEND, LOVER, COMPANION, CO-WORKER, EVERYTHING ROLLED INTO ONE ON JAN 1 2007. OUR OLDEST SONS 27TH BIRTHDAY. WE WERE MARRIED FOR ALMOST 29 YEARS. I AM DEEPLY GREIVING HIM. FOR THE FIRST COUPLE MONTHS I WAS TOTALLY NUMB, THEN I EXISTED BY PRETENDING HE WAS STILL HERE, JUST NOT AT THIS PLACE AT THIS TIME. LATELY, DUE TO WHAT , I AM NOT REALLY SURE THE REALITY OF HIS DEATH HAS FINALLY HIT ME. SO MANY DAYS I FEEL THAT I AM REALLY GOING TO LOSE IT. THAN NO ONE CAN SUFFER SO MUCH PAIN AND STILL BE ALIVE. YET HERE I AM. I HAVE HAD SO MANY PIECES OF ADVICE FROM PEOPLE THAT HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH THAT I WANT TO JUST TELL THEM ALL TO GO TO HELL. I FEEL THAT I COULD JUST LAY ON THE FLOOR AND CURL INTO A BALL AND DISAPPEAR. THE LONELINESS IS UNBEARABLE AT TIMES. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE MINUTE YOU ARE HERE AND THE NEXT THERE IS NOTHING. I WENT TO A THERAPIST, I AM SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST, BUT THEY HAVE NO CONCEPT OF THE PAIN AND HOW I JUST WANT IT TO NOT BE TRUE, TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT WITH HIS DEATH, MY LIFE GOT RIPPED TO SHREDS WITH NO HOPE OF EVER PUTTING IT BACK TOGETHER THE WAY IT WAS AGAIN
I lost my dear husband on May 12, 2010. He had a liver transplant and I thought that he was recovering. Then his kidneys got worse and his heart gave out. I am waiting for the autopsy report in the hopes that it will give me some closure. Sometimes it even hurts to breathe. I feel joyless at his loss. I hope and pray that my pain will lesson in time. I miss everything about him. We loved each other with all our hearts.
my wife recently died 5 days before my 28th birthday…she died of leukemia…my heart bleeds each day knowing that i will no longer be with her…a simple touch is no longer possible…i always look at our kids for some comfort…but whenever im all alone…that’s were i couldnt stop the tears from falling…i dont want my family to see me crying…most of the time i stare aimless, clueless with what i need to do…i already lost my love…i can say that loosing her was my greatest defeat…my life is never the same without her…if only i could go back in time…id do anything…just to be with her again…
My husband passed from this life on June 1, 2010 after a nine day hospital stay with 5 of those day being incubated on a breathing machine. My husband and I were only married 3 years but we were together 6 total. He was old enough to be my father, a 27 year age gap, he was 55 when we married and I was 27. Our age variance never was a factor, but the music we loved, the values we shared, and the trails that we blazed was all the confirmation we needed to allow love to be. We attended the same high school, live in the same neighborhood during our adolesence, worked for the same city department and met at the same college many years later during our adult lives. He was a Disabled Veteran continuing his education and I was entering college for the first time. He took and interest in me and I trusted his innocence. Despite him being twice my age, having toured the world twice over, and having grown children, we uniquely shared so many first together. We taught each other what love was…what family was…what committment was…Together, we discovered the true fullness of life and living. We traveled often and did the most unimaginable things together, from rebuilding our home after a housefire (that occurred a week after our honeymoon), to caring for our farm animals, going to auctions, playing host to our friends family. We turned what used to be a dust watermelon field into a landscaped yard in front of what we call home.
When he was diagnosed with prostate cancer just a little over a year into our marriage, when they found it has spread to his bone. At one point he was completely helpless and could not walk or perform any activities of daily living. For such a great man of stature, it was an honor for me to take care of him. He trusted me and looked to my input when it came to his plan of care.
Despite being diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic disease 3 years ago, he never ceased to be a husband and father for our family. He covered us, he saw to our needs, and would often give me nuggets that I could survive by, because he would always tell me he had to leave me one day.
I am left with a farm, three horses, a cow, a goat and a pen full of chickens, a 13, 10, and 9 year old sons, and a heart and head full of memories like I’d never imagine I’d have at 30 years old.
I miss my husband terribly, but I try to encourage myself in that he entrusted his legacy, everything that he’d worked for, to me. And I challenge myself to not let him down. He was a loner for over 20 years. He took care of this entire place, went to school and worked in a supervisory position, not know what he was doing it all for. When he found me, he said he found his answer. I cannot fold, because if I fail, he will indeed die a second death. I am his vision, and his morale. I will tell his story and he will live through me and all that he left behind. He never met a stranger and everyone that he came in contact with left his presence a better person.
I am grateful to God to have been chosen as his wife. I tell myself that I will not be so selfish as to wish him back here for my benefit and ask him to endure his pain. I will live so I can see him again in heaven. I have an angel watching over me in this forest. Thank you Lord for my husband.
I lost my father on February 27, 2010, and he was only the second person in my whole life whom I was close to that died. He was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer on January 1, 2010, and was given a lifespan of two weeks to live at that point. He fought a tough fight and was finally broken down by an experimental drug in the last four months of his life. This drug took away his ability to eat, and despite a check-up in January which essentially said his lungs were cancer-free, he started to fail in February very quickly, and the cancer spread to his liver. He died five days later….
He was an immense personality, someone who touched all those around him and saved many lives. I was closest to him….I began my grieving when the day he was diagnosed, though I think I knew even before that. Grief is wrecking my marriage and I am just beginning to go through my stages, I don’t even know which stage I am currently at…on top of all this, we lost a 15 year old student to a drowning on the last day of school this year (I am a teacher) and I was currently told that my husband and I only have a 5% chance of conceiving a child naturally…..I guess you could say I am currently somewhere between anger and depression, and I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life and should be making some sort of decision about what to do about my marriage, and life, and dealing with this death, and also the death of our student. I just feel hopelessly lost and horribly stuck….is this a normal part of grieving??? I have little true-life experience and just don’t know what else to do???
My Husband died 6 weeks ago, and maybe it will help this hurt if I comment…..We were married 56 years, and I am trusting God to get me through this. At times, am wondering if I ever will……….He was the kindest person that I had ever met, and we loved each other more than words can express……..
I believe that God will help me, but I cry alot, and am so miserable without him. I know this journey will be so very difficult, but I think with God holding my hand all of the way, that He will give me peace……………
I lost the love of my life 7 years ago from cancer. We were married 27 wonderful years. We did everything together even worked most of our married years with the same companies. We found out he has cancer in 2004 went into remission for 5 years when the cancer came back and took his life 30 days later. It tore my heart out to watch him go through 15 hours of surgery. I watched my children as they each said good bye in their own ways. He laid their lifeless I can’t tell you the pain I felt as we slowly watched him slip away. He always told me this day would come and I must be strong and move on without him. Life will never be the same as today would of been his 60th birthday. The day he died a large piece of my heart was ripped out. I will never be the same nor will my life be the same. I have to remain strong for myself and my kids. I so look forward to the day we will be together again
I lost my husband Ruben on March 4, 2009. I feel everyones pain, sorrow and sadness. My heart breaks everytime I hear that a spouse has died. I’m considered to be the stong one mentally or so my husband use to tell me this. Sometimes I’m not sure if I am???? Many tell me that I am but I feel that I’m not. It’s been more then a year since his passings, 1 yr and 5 months to be exact. I felt that I had gotten over the hump, but I hadn’t, I have been having some rough days. I am at the anger stage and so angry with him for leaving me with all this to deal with. I know I shouldn’t be angry with him, as Tanya stated “I’m grateful that I was the chosen one and not be so selfish as to wish him back here for my benefit and ask him to endure his pain.”
My husband did endure alot of pain and suffering. He suffered for about 5 years prior to his passing. He had a lot of restless nights, worrying, stressing and just not being able to live life. He was only 43 years old, too young, left behind 3 beautiful daughters and 3 grandchildren, two of which he didn’t get a chance to see be born.
I know that I’m still grieving but like many of you sites like this help me in dealing with my loss. I have began a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man who I have known for 35 years (he was my first boyfriend when I was 13 years old). He has been wonderful thru all this and a very patient and loving man. I’m very blessed to have a second chance at happiness and to be able to live again. I know that many of us say that we won’t be able to go on with out our late spouses, but know that you must live life, that’s what our spouses would have wanted for us, to be happy. Live life to the fullest and enjoy every minute that you can.
Cherish the memories that you had with your loved ones and also what helps is to put together a scrap book of your loved one. I did and everytime my daughter wants to see “Daddy” and feel close to him she pulls out the book. It brings her comfort. My job is to make sure that his memory stays alive for our daughters and grandchildren.
Rest in peace Ruben and always remember “You are gone from our home, but not from our hearts”
My husband signed out on terminal leave for retirement on July 12th 2010 and on Friday July 16th he came home drunk (so I was told) I laid him down and check on him an hour later, he said he was okay. I went to bed woke up Saturday morning and made him breakfast, when I went to wake him up he had passed away in the night even though my mind knew he was gone I still attempted to give him CPR logic told me he was gone but my heart would not let go. I called 911 and he had been pronounced dead between 4am and 5 am. it took me 5 days to decide where to bury him and it took me 21 days to do paper work from the Army they finally made me come in to do it. I can’t move any of his belonging and his clothes still hang in the closet, his uniform pants still lay where he took them off. To add to the pain his kids are all interested in how much money they can get. Not one has asked about him or what he stood for. I have however heard from them to ask about borrowing money. I am so shattered and I do not know where to go next. His parent hate me cause I did not call them right away. I decided it was best to let the army tell them. I just want him back and I want our life back and until I get closure I do not think I will ever sleep through the night. I am so blessed that I have great parents who have supported me every in every way. I am now all alone and feel like I am in a maze and can not get out!
“I love you my hero, husband, best friend, my biggest supporter. RIP my love!