I can’t see through the tears anymore
From Julia -
oh,dear “not the same person i was”, i feel your pain, and when i say that i mean it ….i lost my 23 year old son, my firstborn, on Jan 17th 2010. It was the worst day of my life. Josh was healthy, viital, and strong-willed and the absolute love of my life. In Oct 2009, he was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma, a very aggressive cancer of the stomach, usually diagnosed in people average age of 70 yrs, i still cant believe im writing this and i am shaking as im typing, and the tears don’t stop. I only got 3 months!!! I still dont know what happened, he was preparing for another intense round of chemo, our only option hopefully to proceed with surgery, he had seizures, ended up on life-support and cardiac arrest literally overnight. I left hospital Thurs night and by fri early morning everything had turned upside down. My mind is still spinning. I knew he was so strong, he would beat it. the doctor’s were even optomistic, what the heck hapened? i am barely breathing, heart barely beating, i feel like a shell i feel the loss so deeply that i don’t see the future without him in my world, i try to have faith and get through each day, i hav e other children. My view of this world has changed, i will never be the same the world will never be the same. It should have been me! its not supposed to happen this way, it’s impossible to understand. I am a nurse and thanked god every day for my healthy children and i feel so “cheated” . I can’t see through the tears anymore. I had to wittness my beautiful baby boy suffer and slip away from me. I, too have rambled, but just to let you all know, you are not alone.
