http://thegriefblog.com/grief/blog/bereavement-support/i-come-to-this-site-often-to-remind-me-im-not-alone/ Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:32:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 http://thegriefblog.com/grief/blog/bereavement-support/i-come-to-this-site-often-to-remind-me-im-not-alone/comment-page-1/#comment-108218 desiree Mon, 25 Jan 2010 22:10:44 +0000 http://thegriefblog.com/?p=5891#comment-108218 I went home for xmas shortly after writing this. I was so anxious about going home to my family for the first time since my mum's funeral. How would I enter that house knowing she's gone? But I knew I needed to be strong for my brother's and sisters. My sister was getting married on the 26th of December, a day my Mum dreamed about, but my sister was so sad and kept saying she cant get married without my mum. And my eldest brother had end stage renal failure, I was the only life donar match so I needed to be strong to complete the final stage prior to the transplant which was to be scheduled on this trip, So, no time for tears, for this pain to overwhelm me. I had a job to do, my mum believed I could take care of my siblings, that I was stronger than I thought. on the 5th of December, the day of my flight home I got the call-my bro was on his way to Cape Town to have a transplant. I screamed, then collapsed on the floor, crying for the relatives who just lost a loved one, praying that God be with them and thanking the donar for the gift of life. For the last three years my brother's health was poor, a few times we got close to losing him and now someone gave him another chance. So the nex five weeks I spend looking after my brother, my sisters and my dad. drying their tears, staying strong cause thats what my mum would expect of me. My bro is on the mend, my sis got married and had a beautiful wedding day and I neve cried. But I neva could get myself to go to her grave, even though I promised myself Ill go, cause when Im in the UK I dont have a grave to go to. My heart is broken, I feel so hopeless but when I close my eyes I can hear my mum's voice reminding me to have faith, to read ps 121-my help comes from the lord. How I miss her unyielding faith, her believes that God can make everything better. And I pray that soon he'll heal my broken heart, help me to be the person my mum believed I was, for my kids sake as Im lost without my mum at the moment. All I want is to look into my kids eyes, my grand daughter's eyes and feel what I felt before May the 11th when my world changed, I changed, I need peace. So to all of you who walks this road, be strong and may god be with all of us. I went home for xmas shortly after writing this. I was so anxious about going home to my family for the first time since my mum’s funeral. How would I enter that house knowing she’s gone? But I knew I needed to be strong for my brother’s and sisters. My sister was getting married on the 26th of December, a day my Mum dreamed about, but my sister was so sad and kept saying she cant get married without my mum. And my eldest brother had end stage renal failure, I was the only life donar match so I needed to be strong to complete the final stage prior to the transplant which was to be scheduled on this trip, So, no time for tears, for this pain to overwhelm me. I had a job to do, my mum believed I could take care of my siblings, that I was stronger than I thought. on the 5th of December, the day of my flight home I got the call-my bro was on his way to Cape Town to have a transplant. I screamed, then collapsed on the floor, crying for the relatives who just lost a loved one, praying that God be with them and thanking the donar for the gift of life. For the last three years my brother’s health was poor, a few times we got close to losing him and now someone gave him another chance. So the nex five weeks I spend looking after my brother, my sisters and my dad. drying their tears, staying strong cause thats what my mum would expect of me. My bro is on the mend, my sis got married and had a beautiful wedding day and I neve cried. But I neva could get myself to go to her grave, even though I promised myself Ill go, cause when Im in the UK I dont have a grave to go to. My heart is broken, I feel so hopeless but when I close my eyes I can hear my mum’s voice reminding me to have faith, to read ps 121-my help comes from the lord. How I miss her unyielding faith, her believes that God can make everything better. And I pray that soon he’ll heal my broken heart, help me to be the person my mum believed I was, for my kids sake as Im lost without my mum at the moment. All I want is to look into my kids eyes, my grand daughter’s eyes and feel what I felt before May the 11th when my world changed, I changed, I need peace. So to all of you who walks this road, be strong and may god be with all of us.

]]>