The only way to survive is to reach outside of yourself
From Sandi –
I don’t know you, Marcelle, but I think you are worthy of living and that you can find some peace one day. I feel so much for your emptiness and the deafening silence. I am trying to let go of what I want to have (my 3 children) and just be open to experiencing all that is good in my life right now (my 2 surviving children & spouse). I can say that all of these suggestions have been helping me. Thanksgiving was terrible for me, and I didn’t feel I could survive December. But I find I am living in the moment and feeling my son’s presence within me, experiencing for him those things that he would want to do and see, and reaching out to serve others. Oblivion would be so welcome, but it’s not possible without wiping out all of the love you have for those who have been in your life. The only way to survive is to reach outside of yourself and find–create, channel your grief into–new experiences. Maybe dinners or going to gatherings is not your comfort. But you are never a 3rd wheel if you are volunteering. Is there a cause your son would have wanted to support? Can you take up that cause for him? Waiting for oblivion won’t happen. I know. Waiting for peace doesn’t happen either. You have to make it happen even if you don’t want to. No one can give it to you. You have to actively create a purpose, esp if you live alone.
