We are who we are because of who we love
From Shena – 
I’m so sorry Marienne. It is good that you can leave your true thoughts here. It is strange to go day after day being silent about the pain. I am sure that it has been said to you before but I will write to help you remember. You need to live as Spencer would want you to. He would not want his mom to live in pain for the rest of her life, just as if it were the other way around, you would not have wanted him to live in pain his whole life. It is not your duty as a mother to live in terrible terrible grief for always
.
Your daughter needs you more than ever now. Remember that you are changed forever because of the life you shared with your son. We are who we are because of who we love. This never goes away. He is in every inch of your soul and mind and just as he was born to you, well, he affected you just as much as you nurtured him. This love we get from our children, this never goes away. You can live with the joy of him in your heart. I know it doesn’t work like that on a daily basis. I know that the pain of losing someone is beyond what we know what to do with. How I deal with my loss is to try and be a person that she would be proud of. I try and live in a way that she would say, your doing well, I’m proud of you, this is how I want things to be for you.
Nothing will take away your pain. But it is possible to let some joy in, especially because you have him in your heart. Our children make our hearts bigger.
There is nothing like the loss of a child. No one will be able to truly help you. Only your duty to Spencer to not let yourself crumble away, can help you.
Good luck Marienne. I cried through your post and all through my reply. I hope that maybe it helped a tiny little bit.
Shena
