Mourning and Living the Moment
I thought about time a lot after four loved ones died in nine months. Many days I was either stuck in the past or obsessed with the future. It was hard to appreciate the present, an awareness that is called living the moment. This awareness is also known as present living, mindfulness, wide awake living, living now, and the spirit of the moment.
When you live the moment you are aware of the present and your stream of consciousness. I think living the moment is an acquired skill and fine-tune it constantly.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” How do you live the moment? The Psychology Today website offers some suggestions in an article, “The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living the Moment.” The article points out that life unfolds in the present. “But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized.”
I did not want unseized moments to get away from me. Ordinarily, I am a self-aware person, but the grief of multiple losses made me less aware of the moment. Renee M. Grinnell, on the PsycCentral website, writes about “Six Steps to Living in the Moment.” Though I was familiar with most of her tips, one caught my attention.
“If something is bothering you, move toward it rather than away from it,” writes Grinnell. When I confronted my denial and took steps to counter it I was following this tip. Other steps — slowing down, quiet time, giving, and intense observation — also help me live the moment.
Slowing down is hard for me because I am raising my 16-year old twin grandchildren. In fact, it takes conscioius and constant effort. Though my day is filled with disparate tasks, I try to walk and speak slowly. If I am to have the energy I need for grandparenting I need a good night’s rest. Getting at least seven hour of sleep a night is also a way to slow down.
Quiet time helps me live the moment. I set aside at least 15 minutes of quiet time a day. Most days, however, it is an hour or two. Daily quiet time helps me cope with the pain of multiple losses and move beyond this pain. I would not have been able to set new goals and create a new life without quiet time.
Giving also helps me live the moment. I give away free writing, publishing advice, treasured recipes, volunteer hours, books and articles, groceries to the food bank, and money to community groups, such as the Salvation Army. During my grief journey I have found it really is more blessed to give than receive.
Intense observation helps me live the moment. I have trained my eyes to see shapes, colors, textures, body language, facial expressions, feelings, voice inflections, and nature’s countless wonders. Watching Afridcan violet buds peek out from green leaves, uncurl, and open their curly petals to reveal yellow strands inside gives me pleasure. When I look intensely at the world around me I am astonished at the miracle of life.
Though losing four loved ones created terrible, raw pain, it has reminded me of the importance of living the moment. So it is with care and awe that I live the moment. I treasure each and every one.
Copyright 2008 by Harriet Hodgson http://www.harriethodgson.com
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for 30 years. She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists and the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, “Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief,” written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com
Centering Corporation in Omaha, Nebraska — North America’s oldest and largest grief resource center, has published er 26th book, “Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life.” The company has also published two companion products, the “Writing to Recover Journal” and the “Writing to Recover Affirmations Calendar.”
Please visit Harriet’s website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.
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