Forever is such a long time
From Sue –
I was told the grief continues for a year for every five years you are married. I was married forty years , My husband has been gone 27 months now. But now I know I will never stop grieving for him! He was half of me. How can my life ever be whole again when my heart was burried with him? We had been together since I was 15 and he was 17. We practically raised each other. Married at 17 yrs and 19 yrs, It is the most cruel thing on this earth for A couple to be together for over 40 yrs then in a split second life as you knew it is over. I called and called for my husbans to get up from a nap to eat supper ,calling out to a dead man, I went in to the bedroom and he had died in his sleep. Ladies he was sick and I mean very sick for 16 years. I should have been prepared. But I was in no way prepared for the heart ache and lonliness and grief that never ends, I cried every day and night till I have actually hurt my throat and lungs somehow. I believe in grieving yourself to death. I am so jealous of other couples who are still together. I feel like a fifth wheel everytime I go out with friends and their husbands. I have fought with GOD and have been so angry with Him! Why did he have to take all I had?There is such a void and an empty hole in my heart that I simply don’t know what to do. No other man could make me happy so that is out of the question. I am resolved to the fact that I will live out what years I have left in this miserable existance and die alone. We have three kids and six grandchildren who try so hard to fill the void but they can’t. If you’ve never been in this position you havn’t got a clue about lonliness. It truly feels as if life is over. I died that day too. I miss him so much. I despise the holidays that I used to love . It’s no fun to play by yourself. My husband was a Christian man and I know he’s better off now and out of the suffering…but I’m still here and I’m still suffering. What now? How do I go on at the age of 59? Too old to be young and too young to be old. People say I must get a life and move forward. Well I had a good life and lost it …what good would it do to get another one? And furthermore where do I move forward to? My life is in the past . I havn’t much use for this world anymore. My children and grandchildren are the best and it would hurt them so much if I was gone. Other than that I could easily lie with my love beneath the cool earth.Of course I don’t say these things to anyone or they might think I was insane. When asked “how are you?” I reply “just fine”. Me and God made up but I will never ever understand the plan! Thanks for listening and pray for me please that this horrible pain will come to an end. He’s gone from me forever and forever is such a long time.Rest in peace my love. See ya
