I think of the missed opportunities and have many regrets.
From Selina –
am not sure whether i am able to express what i am feeling inside. my loss is still so fresh and becomes more so by each passing day. i lost my mother 3 weeks ago and am emerging from the numbness of the loss to face reality without her. it was easier celebrating her life than mourning her. am afraid to open myself up to properly mourning her and letting the emotions just flow because i am afraid of getting to a point of no return where i will cease to know myself. she had a small frame but to everyone who knew her, she was the rock of gibraltar and she carried everyone’s weight on her small frame. i am angry and feel that she was not supposed to die. i find myself lamenting like job as to why good people have to suffer while the bad seem to thrive in their wickedness. there were people shose marriages she saved, people who literally ate what she ate coz they did not have anything in their homes, people she helped raise as partof her litter, people helped send to school. i do hope god will give us answers than the cosmic war between him and the devil. isn’t he all onmipotent, onmiscient and imnipresent? seeing all these elderly women who are far much older than my mother walking was painful. i have often joked that in my family we die before walking stick era and seems like the joke is turning out to be the truth. she was the maria theresa of her community and family. i think of the missed opportunities and have many regrets. sleep well mother. just a monologue
