In an unanticipated moment – she was gone

From Chris –

Hi -

well it’s been almost a year since i walked in the door of our home – to find my dear sweet wife Valerie dead. She had had a seizure taking an afternoon nap and never woke up. She had turned 37 years old just three days earlier. In an unanticipated moment my whole world ended. We had been an almost story book couple. two peple who just seemed to belong together. we spoke in a language that only the other one seemed to totally understand. we were like two kids that found a romance on the playground. even when i asked her to marry me, i just said “do you want to consider us engaged”, she just looked off for a second and then, without hesitation said “okay”.

we had almost ten years togther. laughter, tears, joy, friendship, and occasional fight (we never let the minute hand pass the 12 with us still being angry). there was never a day that we didn’t say “i love you” at least once. in an unanticipated moment – all of that was gone.

she saw me through going back to school for four years to get a new degree, saw me through getting a wonderful job. together we saved up for a real downpayment on a home, and spent every weekend for almost two solid years to find just the right one. finally we found it – bought it and moved in. she always wanted her own home, and finally got to have one – for a whole year.

and – in an unanticipated moment – she was gone, and the reason that i ever bought the place.

we wanted children, we saved to buy that house so we would have it first, i worked hard so that we could do it on one salary. she had been sick a lot (she had to have a kidney transplant a few months after we got engaged). and in the ten years that we were married, we had no less than 73 trips to the emergency room. but even then we found joy in just being together. finallly, it seemed as if all of the “problems” were behind us. just a few days before the end, she told me “the worst is behind us”. a month earlier the doctors gave her the “go ahead” on trying to have a baby. the weekend before was her birthday, and we did it up special. even the morning of the day she died, we were talking about the children we were going to have. and then, in an unanticipated moment -all of that was gone.

well it’s been a year. (nov 18) my family barely calls (they live back in ny, i’m in colorado). at church everyone is “too busy” for me. but, i’m going to write the story from here on . ..

i’m taking trips, going on singles retreats, and have decided that i am going to look to get married again (and i can give some real choice words to those who try to tell me “it isn’t God’s will – how do they know?) it’s not like so many of them are giving me any comfort now is it? I still want that family that valerie and i dreamed about so much and you know how i’m looking at it? I’m looking at that home that she prodded me on to get as a real gift – from her to my future life and yes, even my future wife and to the family i’m still anticipating.

i will probably write more later – but that’s it for now !

Chris