The pain just keeps coming and changing by the hour
From Christine –
Jean,
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Soul Mate and best friend on Oct. 10th, 2009 of a sudden heart attack. He was 37 years old. I was leaving the following day to move to CA from AZ. We were so happy that after a two year long distance relationship we would be together. I am devastated and understand how the pain just keeps coming and changing by the hour. It’s been three weeks now and it seems like yesterday. At this point I feel like I am just waiting here, going through the motions until we can be together again. I see others moving forward and it’s all I can do to shower and focus on one task. I would like to hear how you are doing. Please respond.
Hi Christine
My heart goes out to you, and my shoulder is here.
Each day for me is a struggle to move and make it through the day. I cry every day and my emotions are on overload. I feel so detached from the world. My best friend is gone and yet I am still waiting for him to come home.
My heart aches and my soul cries. I have never felt so alone. Mornings are my very worst time.
Mornings were our quiet time. Just to be together before the new day began.
I keep wondering how I will keep going.
I have tried just going out to a store, to distract myself, but find that all I do is wander in a haze.
Friends try to help, and without them I would be lost.
“Talk” is the best advice I can give. When I lost my mom last year, friends would ask how they could help. It took me a long time to figure out that “Talking” to people about my mom and leaving a small memory with them seemed so important.
With the loss of my husband it is harder to talk without crying. My memories seem lost. I can hardly remember our 25yrs together. We had good times and bad. But we loved each other. Hopefully when the worst of the pain lessens I can start to remember our good times and hold those close to my heart.
I hope you respond back.
jean
i was reading about myself when i read your story,my husband and love of my life died of a sudden heart attack on sept 16 09.
he was never sick and got up from sleeping and a short while later i heard a noise and went in and had to start cpr as directed by the ambulance on the phone which i did for 20 mins before they got there.
he never recovered consciousness. we were only together 10 years and my world is shattered.
i too do not know how to go on and it is not getting any better.i am so sorry hear
of your sorrow and send you my love
laurel
Laurel
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine having to go through what you
did.
I should have been with my husband that day, but I had woke up with a migraine.
My husband went to get hay without me. I know that whether I was there it would not have changed the outcome, but I still carry the guilt. My husband did not have to handle any of the hay, our hay guy could load hay without handling any bales.
Our hay guy attempted CPR on my husband. My husband died of a massive aneurysm, he never knew what happened.
I cry everyday, and miss him terribly. Like you I have no idea how I will go on without my husband and best friend to brighten my day.
This pain never seems to get better or lessen with time. My heart aches and my throat tightens to keep back the tears.
Here’s a virtual hug and my thoughts and prayers for anyone having to live this nightmare. Keep your friends and family close. They want to help and let them.
I even had friends cleaning my home, helping me with Thank-you cards, going to movies, dinner, lunch or out for a drive. All these are short but needed distractions to help us struggle through this trying time in our lives.
Even while writing this I find myself unable to stop the tears.
I hope to hear how you are doing
for anyone going through this horrible journey i have been working through a book called griefs courageous journey and it as been very helpful the author is sandi caplan and it is a journaling type book with steps. it i hard but it helps get it out
Hello Laurel and Jean,
I haven’t been on this sight in months but decided to log back in. I thank you, Jean, for the message and I can say that I relate to much of what you said. I feel like I am here going through each day because I have too, because my heart is beating, because I am still alive. However, deep inside, I sometimes wonder what the point is and what I am to accomplish here alone. I have family and friends that love me but they have lives of their own and at the end of the day, I am alone. We have lost so much more than just a best friend and soul mate – for me, I lost the ability to feel emotion other than sadness, the ability to trust, the ability to love a man in an intimate way. Who I was before this is not who I am now. I question God’s love for me that he would give me such happiness and joy (for the first time in my life) after a life of struggle, only to take it from me after two years. I harbor so much anger that in my darkest moments I think it may have been better to never have experienced love that strong so I would never know pain this deep. I wouldn’t give up a moment I had with Jim, I just have times where the pain is overwhelming. I am in a place right now where I manufacture actions in public situations to resemble emotion because I feel nothing positive. Smiling and laughing are done on que. I would like to move past this – just afraid that under this is so much more sorrow that the anger and detachment are saving me from a lot of the pain. Thoughts?