There was not a moment to say goodbye
From Mary Jo –
My beloved husband of 30 years, died August 11th 2009. Just over a year ago. This past august was the worst so far. My birthday is also in august, usually a stressful time anyway. This year it all seemed amped. Its surreal. He died a slow and horrible death of cancer, where a beautiful strong healthy domiant man, just withered away to become tiny weak and really ashamed, because I know he held strength and domanance in high esteem in his world. He was a loved man, and he didn’t want to face much as he grew sicker. Some say a year of illness is time to adjust and say goodbye. NOT…. There was not a moment to say goodbye. For either of us, never mind my 15 year old son. Every moment was spent working hard to assist my husband and his needs as well as my sons. There was no way to grasp comprehend or process. 30 years of marrage, busy active fulfilling, all that I did included my husband. All my past present and my future. When you take him you pretty much take everything. But thats not where it ends because Mother died January 2008, a few months prior to Patrick, then my sweet dog died a few months after Patrick and finally my really beautiful beloved horse died as well. I can actually feel how God/nature shields me from feeling…. and ever so slowly I can grasp things. Am really in shock. Am completly devoted to my son and hopes that he and I can build a life togather. Really feel removed from life, am only going thru the emotions. All around me seem so cold and distant and heartless. They have no idea when they think they do. Its so funny they think I am ok, over it, the things they say, so insignifagant. How can there be a plan to all this. And also, I know in my mind death is death, get over it, move on…. Hum, you may as well take away all my limbs and set me on a tiny island in the middel of no where…. Hum oh yea I live in Maui. It is a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Patrick loved this island. He came here a few times befor he brought me here when we were 20. Anyway he is the sweetest, loved by so many, peace maker of a husband/man. I will never get over our fantastic life togather.
