Your words are my words
Your words are my words. My youngest son Brett, age 27, died March 7, 2009 and my life is a mostly unbearable nightmare I want to escape from 24/7. I don’t exist anymore, just a robot faking a life. Eight months now and it actually feels worse. I am in one on one counseling, grief group and have friends and family but nothing can jumpstart my shattered heart. I am also having a faith crisis that is new to me. I used to belive 100%, no doubt, that we would reunite with our loved ones again, I used to belive our next journey is a better place. Now I agonize with thoughts that my son is not OK, and that I can’t help him. I need cement proof and I know there isn’t any. I also am trying to regain at least that small comfort of faith in a new life after we die. I wish it were me gone everyday, I am not here anymore anyway.
Please dear Benevolent One bring comfort to us all.
I too have been questioning my faith of late. I lost my son and best friend on July 31st of this year. Prior to James’ passing, we had discussions of Life After Death. Having been raised a Catholic early in my life, I turned to spiritualism in my mid – late 20s. I have carried some of the beliefs of the Catholic church along with those of spiritualism.
I told my son, that I did believe in something, but was not sure what it might be. I do not know if the spirit lives on after death and transitions to another plane from which the spirits occasionally “visit” us. Or, being that the human body is composed of water, elements and electricity, does the human form cease to exist yet the electricity or energy, continues. Energy never dies, so it must go somewhere. Does it become a storm? Does it enter another wordly form? Does it just shoot off into space and travel the universe?
I decided to start researching in order to help redefine my faith and my beliefts. A “reinvention” of myself I suppose.
There is just so very much information out there, I know it will take quite some time before I come to a conclusion, IF I come to a conclusion.
I remember a movie from several years ago, titled “Powder”. It is about a young boy who has extra sensory powers derived from electricity. It is an extremely interesting and moving film, I would recommend viewing if you have not had the opportunity. Another that might help, is “The Secret”, which discusses spirituality and the power of attraction. An extremely interesting DVD I highly recommend.
In the mean time, might I recommend that you do your own research and see what you might find? Maybe you will find nothing that will help you, but then again, you might discover a new belief that will help to ease your pain.
I think one of the first step in finding the comfort, is reaching out to explore and try to discover what might reinstate your previous belief system or find something new.
We all need to believe in something my dear friend. I believe in you and I believe you have the choice to take those actions that can change your life.
Wishing you love, peace, comfort and all of the very best as you continue your journey.
Scott
There is no answer to our grief. It will never go away and it will always be painful. I lost my oldest son June 14th, 2009. I’m not handling it very well. I miss him so much. The pain is unbearable but I bear it. I have no desire to go on but I go on. You see for me, I can not quit to end my grief even though that is the only way it will end. My son left me with two beautiful granddaughters. He is counting on me to be there for them and I can not let him down nor can I let them down. I consider myself lucky. Many parents are not blessed with the gift that my son gave to me. I am not a religious man and neither was my son. But we knew love and we believed that something bigger than ourselves holds everything together. It is that lifeforce that I will call to, seeking solace for all of us who grieve and all of our loved ones who have passed over to the other side of consciousness.
I feel the same way. I am not the same person I was before 8-18-09. I am in a different world. All the feelings and thoughts you have said are the same as what I am feeling. Tony who was also 27 is in my mind all day and night. I keep hoping he will come to me. I have so many things I wanted and didn’t get a chance to tell him. I wish I could take his place. I wish I could help you in some way. I wish I could help all of us. I am so lost. You aren’t alone.
Karen