A Double Loss of Mother and Son
December 29, 2007 by The Grief Blog
Filed under Blog, Dealing with Grief, Death and Dying, Death of a Child, Death of a Parent, Q&A
My mom was very sick but young and we didn’t except her to go so soon. i miss her so much she was my best friend i could talk to her about anything. and even if she didn’t always like the topic of conversation she always sat there patiently trying to give me advice no matter what. it didn’t really matter how bad of a mood i was in or how sad i was all i had to do was talk to her and everyhting seem to be ok. i guess i just assumed she would always be there. loosing her was one of the hardest things i had to deal with. I say one because a couple of weeks after she passed away i lost my son. i was 37 weeks preganat i went in for an ultra sound and the doctor said that his heart was no longer beating. i was devastated i couldn’t breathe and felt like nothing could ever bring the joy back in to my life. i have alot of anger that i can not deal with i dont know where its coming from or what to do with it. My relationship with my husband is suffering. sometimes i feel so depressed i dont want to get out of bed. Although i know that i have to i have a beautiful little boy who is 3 years old and is very open about his feelings about missing his baby brother and grandmother. how do i keep moving forward? i hate  hearing it will get easier it seeme like a lie. my mom use to be the only one who could get me thru these things so who do i turn to now. How do i keep myself together? Because i dont think i can be strong for very much longer. Please help Sincerly ,Cindy
A Response from Drs. Gloria and Heidi
Dear Cindy,
We are so very sorry for your double loss of your mother and then your unborn baby. We know that no words can begin to express the depth of your grief but we offer our profound condolences.
For your sake, the sake of your three year old son and the sake of your marriage, we recommend that you seek counseling and/or seek out a group such as The Compassionate Friends (http://www.compassionatefriends.org). This is a group of bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings who will understand your pain and be there for you with compassion and support. If there is no chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area you may want to contact your local Hospice for a grief group recommendation. However, we understand that groups are not for everyone. If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support. We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.Â
You might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/
This is a time to be gentle with yourself as well as with your husband and son. There are no two people who grieve in the same way and thre is no right or wrong way to go about it.
We will post your letter on the blog because we know it will be of help to others. You might check the blog for responses because our readers are a loving and compassionate group and often reach out to each other.
Sincerely,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
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Dear Cindy:
I’m so sorry for your the deaths of your mother and son. My wife Lisa and I lost our baby girl, Audriana on February 12, 2007 at 41 weeks. We went in for the induction and there was no heartbeat. We were devastated and are grieving the lossto this day. I cannot stress enough the importance of joining a support group for infant loss, if your community has one. We went to two, one was the Compassionate Friends and the other was a smaller group of parents, mothers who had lost an unborn child or had a stillbirth. We find that the time we can share our pain with others makes us feel that we are not alone and that there are those who can relate to our grief and loss when many outside who never had a loss like this are not able to. We get support from those who have had a longer time togrieve and help us through the point where we are at. You are not alone, Cindy and we hope you will be able to find some form of support for your tragic losses.