A Response to “Sudden Death of My Mother” that Speaks to Us All
March 12, 2008 by The Grief Blog
Filed under Blog, Death and Dying, Death of a Parent, Death of a Sibling, Q&A
I understand that empty whole that’s left. I have a similar experience… My Mom was about to turn 60, and as healthy and happy as anybody.
My mom, she was the center of this universe, really - even if YOU didn’t know it, the world did revolve around MY mom! She was my best friend. She was a really neat lady, full of spunk and love.
My dad found her dead on the living room floor in the morning. We don’t know what happened, didn’t even know she wasn’t feeling well. She had gotten up some time in the wee hours, walked downstairs and died of a sudden heart attack - she just died.
What do I miss?
I miss calling her every day. I ache to dial her phone number.
I miss asking her for advice.
I miss telling her the mundane things in my day.
I miss her telling me what to do.
I miss her perfume.
I miss her horrible cooking.
I miss having someone who knows me. Really knows me.
I miss having her call me when I need her to. She somehow knew when I needed to talk.
She was Me. I knew what I was going to be when I grew up - just like her.
I miss my Mom.
Two days after my mom died, we received a call from my Dad’s doctor - his colon cancer had returned and it was terminal. I helped my Dad with my Mom’s funeral arrangements (along with my siblings). Then he asked me to be his executor of the estate. I took care of his needs and hospice needs, during his very steep decline - he died 9-weeks after my Mom. He died in their home with us by his side. He died knowing she would be by his side - the sooner the better. He was 63 and at peace.
I lost my world.
6-months after my Dad’s death, I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. That’s a separate struggle/story/triumph.
Then almost one-year from my Dad’s death, my sister and her two daughters were in a car accident - she and her youngest daughter (9) were killed. Actually, my niece died in surgery, and I had to have my sister declared brain dead (at 38) after two-days. I had to…
Then six months later, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. That was last June. He just recovered from a colostomy take-down in January, and s back on the road to a perfect recovery. Returned back to work just last week.
Life Sucks, then there’s tomorrow.
Today was a good day. I’m ecstatic about it. I’m happy to have One good day, because you just never know….
I love my Mom, she was my world
My world is not what I wanted it to be. With each “joy†I cry because I want to share it with my Mom.
I’m an orphan. I miss My Mom, My Dad, My Sister and my little niece.
and here I am, reading/writing on a grief blog.
THANKS FOR LISTENING and hopefully understanding.
A Response from Drs. Gloria and Heidi
Dear Lisa,
Let us begin by telling you how very sorry we are for your many losses, especially that of your mother. We are posting your letter to the article, Sudden Death of My Mother, as well as to the main page of The Grief Blog because we believe it will help many others who have experienced such loss. While you don’t say how long it’s been since your mother’s death, we know that there is no time limit on grief and the hole that creates such an ache inside will always be there. And you also know that there is finally a good day, that even though “life sucks” there is tomorrow. Our readers who are fresh in their grief can hear you because you have been through so much and you can still say “Today was a good day. I’m ecstatic about it. I’m happy to have One good day, because you just never know…”
We all need something to look forward to and you have given that to our readers.
We invite you to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart. You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/. We often read letters on the show that come to us through the blog if we think they will help our listeners. This Thursday’s show is with Carol O’Dell who cared for her mother who had Alzheimer’s Disease, experiencing the death of her mother in a different way.
We encourage you to continue writing because you write very, very well and your words will bring comfort and encouragement to many who have the opportunity to read them.
Blessings,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
I have just read your story and i have been crying ever since. How terribly sorry i am to hear of such losses. I have just lost my grandmother at age 86 and that alone is killing me, then i read your story and my heart just aches even more. Please feel free to contact me if you wish as i can lend an ear to listen and i will be someone to talk to if you so wish. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Your post made me pick up the phone and call my mother and tell her I love her.
I’m sorry you lost your mother but thank you for making me realize how lucky I am to have mine. Sometimes I forget.
I lost my father on January 29, 2008 due to cancer and had plan on spending some time with my mom. She had not gone anywhere for a whole year due to the fact of taking care of him. I was not aware of it at the time but my father’s sickness was destroying mom’s health as well. She feel ill two days after he died and had to have major surgery. The prognosis was looking good until the night she came home. She fell ill with a horrible pain and was sent back to the hospital and had to have another surgery. As of today she is in hospice and is due to died anyday. My mom was my best friend also and knew everything about me. She would call me every other day if not everyday. I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband and three beautiful children but right now I feel so much hurt and is numb to any kind of feeling I may have had toward them. My husband lost his father six years ago so he says it is understandable about the way I feel. I read your story and try to take it to heart that “yes” you are right there is always tomorrow. Everyday is a good day because I have my husband and children to share it with me. I am sorry for what has happen to you but thank you so much for sharing your story for I will take it to heart and remember to thank the Lord for what he has bless me with each day I wake-up.
I lost my mother on feb 27th 2008. A little more than a month ago. She was in Chile, south America. She was taking an outdoor aerobics class with our aunt…a small plane crashed where they were..they both passed. My mom that same day in the afternoon. Where was I? I live in NYC…left on a Chile bound plane at 6pm or so..I couldn’t say goodbye..I couldn’t tell her I would be sad forever, but that I would be ok..I couldn’t tel her I was proud of her…I couldn’t hold her or touch her….I arrived the next day, she was gone.
Yes, I feel orphaned..I don’t have a father. And the thought of not hearing her voice again breaks my heart….I now she is gone…buoh how empty it all feels. I miss her.
I feel everything you have metioned in your post..and I am sorry you are hurtimg like I am…I am sorry….time heals they say…not enough time yet…Be well, and thank you.
Ican understand your pain and my prayers are with you, I lost or rather my father went home to be with his Lord four years ago. At times it’s hard to look at his pictures, but I know in my heart he had made his peace and it was his time to leave as well as his choice. I took care of him for seven years, I am thankful for the time God allowed me to have him near me and look foward to the day we see one another again. He was 61 when he left, but I know on the other side he is happy. I will pray for you and only time will heal your pain, gives thanks for your time with your parents, it’s too precious not to.
Julia
SUDDDEN DEATH
THANK YOU FOR SHARING I TO LOST MY MOTHER SUDDENLY
SHE WAS WITH ME ON A VIST MOM DIED OCT 28TH 2005
THE DOCTOR AT THE CARE CENTER SAID SHE HAD THE FLU
SHE DIED FROM A HEART ATACK HOURS LATER I LIKE YOU MMISS SO MUCH ABOUT HER AND THAT DAILY PHONE CALL TO THIS VERY DAY STILL HURTS I HAVE BEEN IN A PROBATE IN FL FOR NOW OVER TWO AND A HALF YEARS
FIGHTING FOR MY MOTHERS WISHES AND I HAVE SPENT MORE THEN I HAVE. LOOSING THE ONES WE LOVE IS HARD ENOUGHT TO BE TAKEN ADVANAGE OF BY PROFISONALS IS JUST ADDED HEART ACE. THANK YOU FOR SHARING OUR MOTHERS ARE OUR HEARTS.
LINDALEE
I just read your blog. My heart goes out to you. I too lost my mom (age 69) in June of 2007. She was my mom, mentor, best friend, confidant, companion, and inspiration. Since I lost my dad in 1997 (age 63), I am now an orphan. Since Nov of 2006, I have experienced 9 losses including a beloved aunt, two first cousins, and several close friends. At times, I feel lost and all alone. My entire world has drastically changed. I am thankful that God gave me to my mom. (and visa versa) I am trying to pass her lessons and love to my sons.
Greetings Everyone, All of us have lost love ones and it hurts, we can only ask God to heal our hearts and know that he is the only one that can, God said he will not put no more on us than we can bare and I have asked him for peace and he gave it to me, I lost my father on my birthday 2007 of a sudden heart attack and it crushed our family and then in May of 2008 my 21 year old neice had a baby and we found out she had a heart defect, the doctors stated she should have died at birth but God said it is not so. and then they decided she needed surgery, and she said that she wanted the surgery, will after being in the hospital for 5 days, they let her came home and told us she was good as new,she came home friday may 23, 2008 and died sudden may 27, 2008 in my mother arms, she suddenly started breathing funny and my mother call 911 and held her in her arms and she stop breathing and died in my mother arms, my mother have lost 11 pounds in 2 wks and I know its because of my neice death, please everyone know that God is good and he will see us all through whatever we are going through, remember that God don’t make any mistake and everything happens because he allows it to.