Coming To Terms With The Death Of A Loved One

Grieving isn’t cut and dried; everyone will respond a little differently. For those of us who have lost a loved one either because of age or unexpectedly through accident or disease, grieving manifests itself in different ways and can take months to years to finally come to terms with their death.   

While you may think that you can insulate yourself from feelings surrounding the death of a loved one or that of a very close friend, sooner or later the impact of this death will affect you. And, it isn’t enough to console oneself with the fact that the person may have suffered through a devastating illness where death could be viewed as a blessing in disguise. In this vein, I speak about my own father who languished for several years with Alzheimer’s.

My father was a man of many talents. He not only was an accomplished musician, playing the Hawaiian and Spanish guitar, the accordion and fiddle, he also wrote music, and he taught music lessons for over forty years always enthusiastic about helping young and old enjoy and develop their talent. Some of his students went on to international acclaim giving him a real sense of contributing to a special talent shared worldwide. He was also a man who was able to make a vegetable garden come alive, who had an ability to make any run down house he owned turn into a charming and comfortable home. In fact, I learned the majority of my ‘handyman skills’ from him over the years.

Yes, there will always be a special place for Dad in my heart, and I will always have those wonderful memories of countless trips into the countryside, those special days of exploring old forts, or abandoned run down farm houses or old one room schools. Even with all these memories, there was always a nagging feeling that I needed to have something more tangible to keep his presence with me alive. So, what could I do?

While my Dad did not have a lot of money, he did leave a small inheritance to me and my brothers and sisters. Now, I had several options to explore of purchasing something that would symbolize my father, or taking something he loved and framing it to add to my home. But, what I decided instead was to erect a flag of our province in tribute to him at the entrance to our country property. Now, every time I come home, walk outside on a winter or summer day, Dad is there waving at me standing proud. It doesn’t matter whether it rains or shines, is sunny or snowing, Dad is always there looking out over the countryside that he so much loved to explore.

Memories of a dear loved one need not be closeted in the recesses of your mind.  Memories can live with you in many different ways. You see, it’s not that you can’t or shouldn’t move forward with life. You should. But, there are unique or special tributes that can pay homage to a loved one, special ways that they can always be there with you as you also continue on with life just as your loved one would want.

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