December 27, 2007 Finding Meaning After the Loss of Both Parents - Lisa Peacocki

DECEMBER 27, 2007 – FINDING MEANING AFTER THE LOSS OF BOTH PARENTS:  LISA PEACOCK.  Lisa Peacock was touched by trauma at a young age.  In 1987 at age 9 Lisa suffered from the effects of a plane crash that took her father’s life.  Then at 19, Lisa suffered the traumatic loss of her mother in a car accident.  She dealt with depression, anxiety, guilt, and anger.  While coping with her situation, she felt a calling to help others that were suffering from trauma.  In 2002, The Peacock Foundation was founded.

Lisa Peacock:  The things that really helped for me personally was taking an old tradition that I remember my parents doing or being involved with and somehow making it a tribute to them.  So my mom always loved making cookies for neighbors and friends and so what I did was I would make cookies but I’d take them to the homeless.  And so kind of as a tribute to what she did for me to be able to remember her and enjoy that tradition but change it just a little so that it became something new for me.

Lisa Peacock:  I usually like to take a night and I go and look at lights with my dog.  And I just go with me and the dog and I usually find a really beautiful place to go and sit and just remember them and think about them and let myself have that night that I feel like I spend with them and enjoy the beauty of it and try and still incorporate them into my life, but not force it.

Lisa Peacock:  I realized later that I had created fantasies and all sorts of things in my head over the next year visualizing him coming home, that it couldn’t be like that and so I would make up stories that no one else ever knew about.  And that’s how I coped with it.  I didn’t want to tell my mom because she was so distraught and upset over the loss of her husband and so I just kind of kept it to myself.

Lisa Peacock:  It really took a lot out of me.  I didn’t really understand what was going on and from a belief perspective, I decided that this had to be a punishment or what else could be happening?

Lisa Peacock:  I had a lot of rage and I didn’t show it to a lot of people because I was afraid of how they would react to me.  And so my rage I would let out on my own.  I remember driving and I would just be screaming at the top of my lungs while I was driving, just sobbing and screaming which probably wasn’t the safest choice for anyone who’s listening.  But I remember just screaming and yelling.  Why is this happening to me? and what’s going on? and I don’t deserve this, and how could you leave me?  And what did I do?  Just all of those.

Lisa Peacock:  The nice thing was I did have a very good friend in high school who a year before my mother died, her mother died and so I did have one friend that had been through a loss that I could talk to and reach out to, because there weren’t a lot of people my age or in my life that had been through any sort of loss. You definitely need someone who you can at least contemplate has some idea of what you’re going through.  No one’s experience is going to be the same, but to know someone who’s gone through at least a loss experience and be able to talk to them about what you’re going through, they’re going to be able to relate a little better at least.

Lisa Peacock:  I went from rage to just being broken, to just feeling like I didn’t ever want to be that vulnerable again, and that I was so exposed, and I just wanted to find a way to sew up the damage and make sure it never happened again.  And I think when you go through that much pain—you two must know—that you just want it to go away.

Lisa Peacock:  And so when my mom died, she had actually set it up for us girls to spend the night at the zoo.  After she died, me and my sisters decided we’d still go and that’s when I got in touch with how therapeutic animals can be.  Just being in this place where I felt like my mom had wanted us to go and how beautiful it was and quiet and having all of the animals present that just didn’t expect anything of you and if you were sad, that was okay and if you were mad, that was okay.  And so I applied for a job that night.

Lisa Peacock:  I did education so I got to work with children and animals.  And that’s where I got to see just how trusting children are to someone who is showing them an animal, because I would be sitting there showing a snake or an opossum or a hedgehog and to a group of six or seven young kids and all of a sudden one of them would talk about my brother loved animals and I really miss him and wish he was here with us tonight.  And you just look at them and go wow, is he okay?  And that’s when they would tell you these stories.  I had just met this child and they’re telling me about these traumatic experiences they’ve had in their life.  And just stroking the animal and watching it as they talk to you.  You can feel there’s no anxiety and there’s no stress or pressure.  They’re just letting something out.

Lisa Peacock:  Just holding and being around those animals in a very safe environment and being able to love on them and receive some love back just gave me a new hope.  I want to say that they were able to bring something back to me that I felt was lost through the deaths of my parents, that there were things to look forward to, and that even though my parents weren’t there that they were still there with me in certain ways. 

Lisa Peacock:  If you’re able to help someone else cope with their trauma, then that shows that you have hope within you that things are going to be okay.  That you have enough to give to somebody else shows that you’re at least hopeful that helping this person is worth it.

Lisa Peacock:  I would just say hang in there.  These are the hardest times and just remember each day is going to get a little bit easier and there are people out there waiting to help you.  So keep your eyes open.