Dialog re: Dr. Francesca McCartney on Healing the Grieving Heart
May 7, 2007 by The Grief Blog
Filed under Blog, Healing the Grieving Heart Radio, Q&A, Selected Guest Quotations
(Note: the following is in sequence from first to last)
Hi Dr. Gloria-
I found your show with guest Dr. Francesca to be extremely interesting. I wish I had her book the first year of grief since I also felt all my grief on a cellular level. I thought the call in student said it well when she spoke of feeling the loss of the connection with your loved one. Where does all that energy go? I think that is the most profound feeling when it is a loss of a child.
It’s amazing how the grief starts to shift over the first couple of years and there is a release of that bodily pain and you can start to remember happy times and the life not just the death of your loved one. You find you still can have a relationship with your child in a different way.
I do want to add that my son died by suicide and we are practicing Catholics. Our priest was one of the first to arrive at our home and he was extremely helpful. He was the only one who could calm me down by assuring me that our son was in heaven. We have been very open about depression and mental illness and what led to his taking his life.
The Pastor of our church said a beautiful funeral mass for him , a wonderful homily and Christian Rite of Burial. So things have greatly changed in the Catholic church. That view was from Middle Ages.
Once again , thank for the wonderful show.
Kim Hodne
Dear Kim,
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Thank you for your response, and the update on the change in the Catholic Church about suicide.
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The loss of my mother indeed did have a deep cellular effect on my body. I feel that it relates to the physical connection between mother and child - the severance of an intuitive umbilical cord. This perhaps contributes to the intense feeling of loss and grief on a body level.
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Recent research in molecular biology and epigentics reports that emotional memories are imprinted in our molecules. This supports the theory that when the living connection to those memories is severed with the death of a loved one (especially a mother-child) - biological grief is felt at a cellular level. Numerous holistic modalities have shown good results in releasing the grief feeling from the body. My grief was healed through deep tissue bodywork, homeopathy, meditation and positive affirmations. It is a gift to be able to create a renewed connection with the spirit of a loved one based on joyful memories.
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Blessings to you.
With Good Thoughts,
Francesca McCartney, PhD
Founder, President
Academy of Intuition Medicine®
Energy Medicine University
PO Box 1921 Mill Valley, CA 94942 USA
Phone: 415.381.1010 Fax: 415.381.1080
www.IntuitionMedicine.org
Dear Kim,
Contact me after reading my book if you have any comments or questions.
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With Good Thoughts,
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Francesca
The reason why I am here,is because we have just lost our son.I came across this blog and found it very interesting.In the back of my mind,I keep saying to myself, calm down,it will be ok.Forget about that ache in your stomach.Tums are your friend.I only eat when my husband comes home at night.I have times in the day when I could throw up any minute.This is my story.
In 1994 I lost my maternal Grandfather,he was such a beautiful servant of God.He was the Rock to all of his children.My Grandmother was lost without him,i spent alot of time with her,i was from out of state,terrible,the house caught on fire and burned to the ground,to much for Grandma,she died 1 1/2yrs after Grandpa.My mother ,who lived on the property in a different house had many strokes.She could not walk and at times could not talk.My parents had been divorced for several yrs.Dad lived in the same state i did,he was diagnosed w/infazema.I told Dad I would always be there.My husband was transfered out of state,we took Dad w/us.We had hospiceand I lost my lovely Daddy.Mom was in a nursing home so i went between states,me and my dog.When i lost my Dad I could feel something hard starting to protrude in my stomach.I was always thin so i felt it right away.We had moved and I did not have a doctor.I was bleeding alot,I thought it was menopause,i was 45.It was 1 1/2yrs later,my brother called and said San,you need to come now,it’s bad.I laid by my Mamas’ side for 3 days,I could not believe..she got worse…she died and my insides just! I cried for 5 yrs straight from 1995 untill 2000.one day I was like wow i have not cried.Then I got really sick,we went back to the state where we lived because it did not work out,I was so distrought w/ having to leave my Dad in the state i brought him to.I ended up in the ER hemorrhageing/could barely think.They did a catscan I had a very large tumor and when the doctor examined me she noticed moles on my midriff.They turned out to be malignant melanoma stage 3 and my tumor weighed 10 lbs and they did deep lymph surgery to make sure it did not spread.I was a mess. I had always been the picture of health, I had my appendics out in high school. Molecular biology..I’m not sure what it is but i do believe my body went through something.We have just lost our 39yr old son,our 1st child,the autopsy was inconclusive,we are waiting.i am trying really hard not to fall back into the molecule thing. I remember telling my friend back when,I can’t explain it,it feels like something is just sucking your blood out and you cannot control it. I feel really,really sick.I have no control of my tears.I want to stay healthy for my husband and our other son. I do not believe in drugs.I know what happened to me previously and I am trying very hard for this not to happen again.Can you help me? Can you point me in the right direction to people who can?I know i am grieving,this happened 7/09/08.I just do not want to fall into the physical melt down that i had. I do believe it defintely was something that biologicaly took over my body. Yes,I know people try to be kind and tell you ,time will heal.I believe that,yet when your body does what it is going to do,what can i do?