FEBRUARY 14, 2008 – Loss of a Daughter and the Gift of Organ Donation: Norma Garcia.

 Norma Garcia’s daughter, Jasmine, was killed in an automobile accident in 2001.  Norma is the single mother of Samuel, age 14, and is the owner of a realty firm in San Antonio, Texas.  Since Jasmine’s death, Norma has made educating the public about organ and tissue donation her passion in life.  She has served on the National Donor Memorial Advisory Committee for the United Network for Organ Sharing and assisted in the design of the memorial in Richmond, Virginia, which honors America’s donor families.  She recently completed a book, My Dear Jasmine: From Tragedy to Triumph.

Norma Garcia:  The kids were taken in one ambulance and we were taken in another back into Monterey, Mexico, so from there everything started that day.  It was August 11, 2001, and I think for me as a mother, that moment was one of determination — that really was going to determine I guess my life from there on.  And I had to make a choice, if I was going to either live bitter or if I was going to continue with joy and want to live, because it was a moment that I was sure nobody for no parent to have to live. 

Norma Garcia:  I think the strength was we were very active in our church at the time.  Their dad was a minister in the church and for over 10 years, I was in the women’s ministry in the altar ministry so of course all I knew was to get on my knees and pray, and that’s exactly what I think brought me through that time because that’s all I remember doing was crying and crying out to God and asking him ― one, I didn’t know why it had happened or what was happening, but all I knew is that I needed to be strong first for my children and then for my family.  All my family from San Antonio drove over there to Monterey to be with us and just seeing my mother and my brother and my sisters, I think that alone made me get courage and say we have to fight this. 

Norma Garcia:  They approached us and said we’re declaring her brain dead and then they had somebody from Texas Organ Sharing Alliance approach us also and say would you all become organ donors?  Which was new to us but I probably, I myself was more prompted to say yes and not hesitate because I said I don’t want any other family to go through what we’re going through.  The loss and just all the grieving and not knowing what.  What are you supposed to do?  I think I’ve said it in my book, too, that if they would have told me we can transplant a brain into your daughter, I would have said please, for my baby. It was a very difficult choice.  It’s the ultimate gift that you can give somebody.

Norma Garcia:  I think because even throughout all these years that I’ve talked to different mothers and families that I meet that lost a child, I don’t want to say it’s culture.  I think it’s just that people grieve differently regardless of if they’re Hispanic or not.  Maybe one thing I do see in our culture more is that they tend to celebrate el Dia de los Muertos which is November 2nd, the Day of the Dead.  There are certain things that they do maybe to honor the dead that maybe you don’t find in other cultures.

Norma Garcia:  I found that interesting because at first I know I felt guilt at times.  Am I supposed to be feeling like this?  Then all of a sudden I would find myself where I had really good days and I would want to laugh and smile like maybe within the family and then I would kind of like pull myself and say no, this is wrong.  So I kind of learned that it’s okay.  Everybody grieves differently and then it’s okay to begin to live again ― like to give yourself that permission.

Norma Garcia:  I prayed to have the courage to move on, but I think it took several years.  I want to say the first year I would still kind of close myself up to people.  I quit as far as my business.  I was still hiding myself and still trying to fight all those emotions and the guilt and the what ifs.  I would still go through the endless nights of no sleep and I want to say it was probably at least three years afterwards that I can really say okay, I would enjoy a trip without fearing if something was going to happen, because I didn’t want to travel.  I didn’t want Sammy to go outside and get on the bike.  Do you have your helmet?  I was overly protective with him.

Norma Garcia:  We had just moved into this new house 30 days and they were each going to have their own room.  Jasmine was 13.  He was 9, so up to that time they both were sharing a room together in bunk beds.  So all that time they were always together so when she was gone, I put there in the book, there was one day that he cries out to her.  He cries out to her for help almost like crying out to God for help because me and his dad were having an argument and we kind of forgot that he was there.  And he starts crying out and I’ll never forget that little voice crying out for Jasmine like, “come help me, Jasmine.” 

Norma Garcia:  There are several and I think one is probably trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Yeah, and the other one was Jasmine’s favorite, too ― I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, which is in Philippians.  There’s one in Romans that says all things work for good for those who love the Lord.  So I think regardless of what your belief is, I feel for me my belief was that in the Lord and that was my ground and that kept me grounded in the time of when I wanted to fall apart.

Norma Garcia:  No, I wasn’t, and I don’t know why.  I know that people go through a stage of anger.  I’m thankful that I wasn’t.  I know that I cried a lot, of course, everybody does, but to me it was mostly in the evening when nobody was around or Sammy wouldn’t see me, was in the middle of the night, was being in the rest room on my knees and I would be sobbing to the Lord in prayer and I think that was one of my prayers was don’t let me get bitter because I knew that very easily I could start blaming.  I could have started blaming my husband.  I could have started blaming God.  I could have started feeling as a victim like, why us?  And I didn’t want that.  I had always been a very, I want to say, optimistic person and I want to continue to be.  It wasn’t easy and it hasn’t been easy, but I think I had to make a choice.  I think everybody, you have to make a choice in life when you have a situation like this or any other one that okay, what am I going to learn from this?  Why was I left on this earth?  And live a life of gratitude.

Norma Garcia:  I believe I was left here to share my story to encourage others and to say that there is nothing that you can go through in this life that your spirit cannot overcome, that you cannot have the strength to live a joyful life again and to wake up and say thank you, Lord, for another day of life.

Norma Garcia:  I think Sammy has dealt with it much better than I think what we realize that he was going to because one, he had lost a sister and then he went through also of course losing a parent ― not losing but from home.  And at first it was very painful when I told Sammy we’re getting a divorce.  I think Sammy, since he’s been raised in the church, I think it’s helped him to be also a little boy that’s very positive, optimistic and has a lot of faith.  He even helps me on the days maybe that I’m not having a good day so I think he’s dealt with it quite well.  I think I’m grateful for that but he holds me to my every word.  “Mom, why aren’t you going to church?  Remember what you used to tell me?”  Oh, yes, he does.  I think because probably one, he saw what got us through this and he knew that we very much believed in prayer and where our strength comes from, and that’s how he’s been raised so of course he’s like any other teenager.  He likes to have fun and with his friends, but I think when it comes down to it and in his privacy at home, yeah, he will always let me know, Mom, remember what the Bible says, Mom.

Norma Garcia:  I started with Texas Organ Sharing Alliance.  The year after Jasmine passed away they had invited us to go to a quilt ceremony, a tree-planting ceremony.  There’s different things that they do here locally and they would ask if I would share my story and I began to share my story with other people.  One, because they have a face to relate to.  They’re talking to a donor mom and you get to see some of the recipients, too.  And it’s amazing to see the children and the grownups, the second chance of life they get.  So I do that one, by speaking locally.  Sometimes I have groups from different hospitals when the OPOs that they want us to speak to, especially the nurses that are in the intensive care because one, it also gives them the feeling of what a donor family’s going through.  And also to encourage them to keep doing what they’re doing because it’s a very difficult situation that they’re in that they have to approach the families.  So I’m involved doing that. 

Norma Garcia:  There was a lot of healing that writing this book brought to me because I had to search.  I had to remember things.  And I thought, what better way to honor Jasmine?  Right away I said I want her picture on the front and then I thought also of Samuel, that we’ve gone through this, son, but that’s okay.  We’re going to be fine and we’re still going to have a good life after this.  We can still look forward to dreaming and having a better life.  And then the thought was how many people can benefit from reading this book.  That no matter what you go through, if it’s a loss, if it’s a divorce, if it’s chaos that you think you’re facing and that you’re not going to make it, that there’s hope.  Look, I’ve gone through this and I’ve overcome.  These are maybe the baby steps I took or the healing process.  It might be different for you but you can overcome.

Norma Garcia:  To me the greatest thing is to see either a child or an adult and they tell me I’m a recipient, I received.  And okay, what did you receive?  A heart or a kidney and then to see them so vibrant and full of life.  That’s amazing.  Or when they show me their before and after pictures.  It’s just amazing to see that they were given that second chance of life.

Norma Garcia:  I want to say that it’s part of my healing.  As you well know, there’s days that of course I miss Jasmine.  I always do, I always wish.  She’s always in my heart and I think to me it brings me so much comfort to know that I’m able to see others benefit from organ and tissue donation and just to see others also that by sharing my story that they’re also benefiting from that.   I’m a believer in needing to fight things and saying this is not the way that the Lord wants me to live.  This wasn’t meant for me.  If I’m going to live, I want to live fully and I want to be healthy and I want to be joyful and I want to be able to give to others. 

Norma Garcia:  I think through an early loss I would say give yourself time to heal.  One, understand everybody heals differently.  Nobody can tell you you are supposed to cry, don’t cry, how long.  Nobody has the perfect time period and it’s okay if you have pictures of your loved one out, it’s okay if you don’t.  There are no rules I guess in grieving but do allow yourself to slowly start again smiling, taking care of yourself, that it’s okay to live again.