How Do We Celebrate Our Son’s 21st Birthday?
October 16, 2007 by Death of a Child
Filed under Birthday Remembrances, Blog, Dealing with Grief, Death and Dying, Death of a Child, Q&A
Hi, On Oct 20th 2007, my son Kevin would be 21 yrs old. I am still in the early stages of grieving for him. Kevin was killed by a roadside bomb on Easter Sunday, April 8th, 2007 while serving with the Canadian Forces in Afghanistan. My life has been turned upside down. Some days I can barely function. We plan on celebrating his birthday. But I don’t know what to do . . . I have never had to celebrate a birthday in this way before.
Kay
A Response From Drs. Gloria and Heidi
Dear Kay,
We are so very sorry for your loss of your son and we understand how painful these early stages of grieving for him can be. While he died a hero serving in Afghanistan, that gives little comfort to a mother’s heart and we join with you in mourning his loss.
Birthdays can be a very difficult time and we will put your letter on the blog asking if anyone has ideas.
We invite you to listen on Thursday morning to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart because we will ask our listening audience for ideas about how you can celebrate your son’s birthday. Our guest will be Khris Ford who also lost a son and you may find comfort in her words. You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/
We encourage you to get involved with a group of people who have also lost children so you have someone to talk with share your feelings. You may want to contact your local hospice for a grief group recommendation. However, we understand that groups are not for everyone. If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support. We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.Â
Blessings,
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
Dear Kay, Your pain must be more intense than ever this week as you approach Kevin’s 21st birthday. My daughter Michelle died when she was 20 and on her 21st birthday we got a bunch of her friends together on her college campus. We told & heard stories of her, ate her favorite food, then wrote messages to her on balloons. We released the balloons all together and watched as they went up into the sky. My prayers are with you as you go through your horrible loss. Kathy
Hi - I read your letter and understood because my son died on April 22 and will be (would have been) 18 on November 14. I keep going over what I can do to honor him, have others remember him and feel comfortable that I’m okay myself at that time. I think activities sound good - maybe for me it would be water oriented since we live by the water and he spent a lot of time there. Also music is a possibility. I just have to make a decision and feel settled. Right now I’m up and down - needing to talk about him and other times retreating from everyone. Please take care and I hope to keep reading the blogs. Thanks for sharing your story.
Keeping you in my prayers. xxoo
Our daughter would have turned 21 10/23/86 but instead she was killed in a 19 passenger van accident ( four other people died)last November 20, 2006 in Ghana, West Africa where she was participating in her Junior year abroad (E.O.P.) through University of California at Santa Cruz.
Tuesday night, almost a full moon, and clear skies ahead, about 25 of her friends, family and community will hike up to a redwood tree we planted in her honor, on a ridge in a public hiking state park. We’re going to share food, toasts and honor our daughter who’s death has affected us all so deeply and even though almost a year has passed, our grief remains ever present. But, this is a beginning…
Kristie, my daughter Michelle also died while with her university on a study abroad program. I am remembering you today as you celebrate her 21st birthday. It is so hard. The 1st year is still just so full of shock. I am still surprised how painful it is, and it has been over 2 yrs for me. We have a website for Michelle where a lot of her friends and her sister Christy, and I share our thoughts.
Blessings to you, Kathy
http://michelle-edwards.memory-of.com/tributes.aspx