I Buried My Husband on His Birthday - Christmas Day

I lost my husband right before Christmas and buried him on his birthday–Christmas Day. I still hurt so bad, that sometimes I really don’t want to live any more. I do believe that he visits me (things have happened that only he could’ve done) and my daughter is hurting badly, too. This Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not going to be good.

I have to believe that he’d want me to be OK, but I’m just not there yet.

Drs. Gloria and Heidi RespondÂ

Dear Debbie,

We are so very sorry for you loss. Losing a loved one at anytime is hard and burying him on his birthday which is also Christmas Day makes it even more painful for you. There is no good time.

It has been a very short time since his death and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself and not put epectations on your grief. I know this is easy for us to say but hard to do when your life has turned upside down.  Most of us have to take it one day at a time - sometimes one hour at a time, actually. Know that there is no time table for grief and no rules - each of us grieves in our own time and our own way. We encourage you to find a grief group in your area - your local hospice or hospital may be able to put you in contact with several. You might even seek out a grief counselor to help you over the biggest hurdles in these early days. You don’t say how old your daughter is but we recommend our book, Teen Grief Relief which can be helpful to children of any age. It is important, too, that you and your daughter talk with each other about your husband/dad and about your own feelings and grief. This can be very healing for each of you.

You might find it helpful to listen to some of our archived radio shows of Healing the Grieving Heart. You will find them at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/ (or simply go to the first page of the blog and click Archived Radio Shows). We especially recommnd:Â

April 17, 2008 - Healing After the Death of a Husband - Guest: Tammy Stoner and Creating memorial Gardens for Abandoned Children Guest: Elissa Davey

March 27, 2008 - Too Young to Be a Widow - Guest: Beverly McManusÂ

December 20, 2007 - Getting Through the Holidays Without Your Spouse - Guest: Linda Della Donna

You might like to listen to our live broadcast on Thursday mornings at 9 a.m. Pacific Time. Today we will be talking with our guest about the healing power of music. You can get the broadcast on the first page of The Grief Blog by clicking just above the program announcement.Â

Finding a grief group or someone that you can talk with is important. Even joining with us on the radio helps you feel that you are not alone. We have found that the burden of grief seems lighter when it is not carried alone.

We will post your letter and our response on The Grief Blog because we find that each letter touches the heart of someone else and helps them in their grief. We often read letters on the radio show as well so we encourage you to listen.

You have our deep condolences,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi

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