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I Lost My Daughter on March 8

March 27, 2008 by The Grief Blog  
Filed under Blog, Dealing with Grief, Death and Dying, Death of an Infant, Q&A

 lost my daughter Lanai on March 9, 2008. She would have been my first. I miss her so much and it hurts. I know that I will get through it but dealing with this alone has been extremely difficult. I find comfort in reading everyone comments to each other and praying. I know that she is in a special place and watches over me every day. Although I was only 4 months along. I fell in love with her the first moment that I was pregnant. When my water broke I feel like time stood still because I can remember everything that happened that day. I prayed on the way to the hospital but I already knew… when I got to the hospital she was still there heartbeat and everything but no fluid. I was crushed. I really can’t express things anymore. But I know through God this too shall pass

Dena

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Resond


Dear Dena,

We are so very sorry for your loss. It has been such a short time and your pain is so fresh that few words can console and right now nothing takes away the pain and deep sense of loss. This is a time to be very gentle with yourself. It is so easy (and so normal) to assume guilt for what happened. Know that there is most likely nothing you did to cause this and nothing you could have done to prevent it. And we know there is no pain that compare with the loss of your baby. It is important to knw, as well, that there are  no rules for grieving. Each one grieves in her own way and in her own time so allow yourself the time and space to grieve knowing that there will come a time when the pain becomes more bearable.

You say you are having to go through this alone. There is a wonderful group called The Compassionate Friends that is available to you when you are ready. Each member of the group has lost a child, whether during a pregnancy or after birth at any age. They understand what you are experiencing and can give you the comfort and support you need. If there is no chapter of Compassionate Friends in your area you may want to contact  your local Hospice for a grief group recommendation.  However, we understand that groups are not for everyone.  If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support.  We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.  You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org

You might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart  You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com
 

You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://www.thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/   We recommend in particular:

        January 24, 2008
        Pregnancy Loss: Our babies are just a cloud away
        Guest: Diana Gardner-Williams
       October 11, 2007
       Coping with Pregnancy and Infant Loss
        Guest: Monica Novak

 

        January 18, 2007
        Grieving the Still Born Child
        Guest: Lorraine Ash

 

We will post your letter on the first page of The Grief Blog and we encourage you to check periodically for comments from our very loving and compassionate readers. You will find there are many who share your grief and that you truly are not alone.

 

And yes, through God this too shall pass.

Sincerely,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley

 

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Comments

2 Responses to “I Lost My Daughter on March 8”

  1. Tekia Jones on June 7th, 2008 2:46 am

    GOD, I know the exact place you’re at. I too lost my sweetpea on April 3, 2008. I was six months and two days. I miss her everyday. She was such a blessing in my life. I talk to her and I pray for her. I feel like no one understands where I’m at mentally. I feel like everything is so superficial now. When friends talk about their problems, it’s like “How can u complain about some thing so trival and my babygirl isnt here?” If you ever need to talk, I’m here. My email address is mrperry5@hotmail.com.

    RIP my angel… “Gabrielle Laylah”

  2. Paula on September 3rd, 2008 6:41 pm

    My Sister just lost her baby girl and she is devastated, I just had an Acre of Trees plantes in the baby’s memory in http://www.treesinstead.com and this weekend we are going to Ocala the National park where the trees are planted to have a little memorial day, any suggestions on how else to help her?

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