I Lost My Twin Babies

I believe with all my heart the words of Jeremiah 29:11, where the Lord says…I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. It all started 3 1/2 years when I married my wonderful husband. We met at church and it wasnt long after we met that we realized that we had mutual friends that had tried previously to get us together but it never happened and here we are going to the same church and did not even know it. We married in March 2004 and have been happy ever since. Anyhow fast foward 3 years later we start trying to conceive and since we had been studying on faith at church we took to heart what the Lord says in his word…”ask what you will in my name and it shall be done”. So we believed the Lord for twins. Well in March 2007 we found out we were pregnant not just one but 2. We got our twins! Well Lord since you did that we said we want a boy and a girl and in July 2007 we found out it was a boy and a girl, Collin and Cailyn are the names we gave them. Well, August 2007 at 24 weeks Collin and Cailyn came early. Collin leaves us 5 hours after he is born and Cailyn leaves 6 am the next day. We cried and hugged, asked why, cried and hugged some more. We had to make the decision of cremation or a burial. We had them cremated and have the ashes at home. I look at the urns every so often and it hurts so much sometimes. I sometimes feel guilty about moving on because Collin and Cailyn are not here with me. I know they are in heaven but I miss them so much. God has truly comforted me and given me his peace but it still hurts so much when I think of them and the pregnancy. We will try again, but to be honest I’m scared about that too, but I remember that God has not given me a spirit of fear but of love peace and a sound mind. I try to hold to his promises everyday, but sometimes I just can’t stop the tears. I know God is with us and he has a plan for me and my husband. We just rely on his strength to get us through. It’s been 7 weeks and we continue to hold on to his Word and peace as that he has given us and look to the future with God’s wil for our lives in view.

Dear Bucarrui,

We are so very sorry for your loss of your twin babies. Seven weeks is a very short time and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself and take all the time you need to grieve. There are no shoulds or shouldn’ts with grief and there is no time frame. You will miss them for the rest of your life and tears will come sometimes. Tears are very healing and its all right to let them flow. And “moving on” can be very healing as well.

There is a group called Compassionate Friends who might be of help to you and your husband. Each member has lost a child and they understand what you are experiencing. You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org. If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support.  We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.

We invite you to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart  You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com  You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/

Blessings,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley