Is Grieving Different When You Lose an Adult Child Vs. a Small Child?
January 18, 2008 by Death of a Child
Filed under Blog, Dealing with Grief, Death and Dying, Death of a Child, Q&A
Dr. Gloria,
My 32 year old son died in Sept 2007 and I have been trying to deal with my grief. I came across your grief blog recently and am pleased to be able to have access to someone with your background. In trying to find books and websites to help me, I am finding that there is only one “category” called child to talk about the grief a parent feels. Do you think that the grief and grieving is the same for the loss of a child versus and adult? I believe it is different and I am looking for help for the loss of an adult son.
Thank you for your input.
Alice
Dr. Gloria Responds
Dear Alice,
We are so very sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a child at any age and losing a son that you have loved for 32 years leaves a big gap in your life. And you are right - there is little written about losing an adult child. I think the problem is that the world doesn’t recognize how difficult it is to lose an adult child. I don’t care if you are 90, your child should not go before you. It is a very short time since September and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself - get plenty of rest and do what you need to do to take care of you. Grieving is hard work and takes a great deal of energy.
Have you listened to our radio shows? They air every Thursday at 9 a.m. PST and you can access them on The Grief Blog. http://www.thegriefblog. We also have shows in our archives on loss of an adult child such as the one broadcast on October 12, 2006, Death of An Adult Child, with our guests Natalie Smith-Blakeslee. Our show that aired yesterday (January 17) has wonderful helps for parents who have lost a child at any age. You can find our archives by going to http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/. Scroll down to find a show of interest and click on MP3 Link. It takes a few moments for the show to download and begin to play. Tune into our show next Thursday and I will talk about this. We encourage you to call in and share with our audience because we know there are many like you who are searching for information and help. The number is 1-866-472-5792.Â
You also may find comfort in a Compassionate Friends group or their chat rooms. The group is made up of parent and siblings of all ages grieving for their adult children and siblings. You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org. We encourage you to get involved with such a group because we have found that the burden of grieve is easier to carry when you don’t have to carry it alone.
We will post your letter on the blog, together with our response because we feel it will be a help to many, many of our visitors.
Good Luck and keep in touch.
Gloria
Gloria C. Horsley Ph.D.
National Board Member of The Compassionate Friends
www.thegriefblog.com
188 Minna Street
San Francisco, Ca 94105
Fax - 414-543-3326
I am so very sorry for your lost I know how difficult it is to lose an adult child. I lost my daughter (29 yrs. old) Oct. 8, 2007. Losing a child that you have watched grow, reach dreams, fail and succeed is shear torture. It is not only your child but a friend, someone you have shared dreams with. someone who knows you as well as you know them.
Th world seems so small when you lose a child, so many thoughts as to why, so young still so much of life yet for them to expierence. I wished my life ended instead of my daughters. What more did I still need to expierence? I guess according to GOD one more living without my daughter, my best friend.
Take care of yourself Alice I know the pain I live the pain. If you need to just talk e-mail me bitgal3333@aol.com my name is Audrey.
take care
I understand your pain. I lost my son who was 24 years old on March 27, 2006. He was my youngest son of 2 and such a wonderful and caring young man. My heart will be forever broken. This road of grief is the most horrific thing I have ever gone through in my life. I miss him so much.
I understand completely how you feel about the loss of an adult child. Our son was one month shy of his 33rd birthday when he passed in Aug. 2007. Just yesterday someone commented as to why I am not “getting over” this. Hopefully that person will never have to endure this pain.
Please contact me at bea118@aol.com if you feel an interaction would help. I could also use a little company while walking this path.
Grief counseling has helped somewhat, as the counselor has no personal involvement in your situation.
The best I can wish for you is peace and understanding. Take care
Blessings,
Bea
To each and every mother on this blog, i want to say GOD BLESS, I too lost my 43 yr old adult son, July 5 2007 in a firey auto accident, a closed casket, no time for goodby,s. He had been living with me the past 11 mo. and i have all his clothes and personal things i see every day to remind me.I relive over EVERY DAY how did the accident happen and why. I have went days not getting out of bed, not eating, i want to be at the grave site all the time, when people call somtimes i don,t answer the phone, what to say when they ask how you are?, i think its pretty obvious i,m not ok. last sun is the 3-4th time i been to church since, i can,t stand to hear the music, seems like if i try to watch tv his name is every where, to remind me, i,m told it will get easier,I MISS AND LOVED HIM SO MUCH! LARRY,S MOM
I lost my 35 year old son on October 7, 2007. It still haunts me that I told him to go and that my husband and I would take care of his wife and 2 daughters. 12 hours later he was gone. I have had many people tell me that I still have 2 sons and I have 6 granddaughters and that my beloved Robbie is dead, buried and in his grave and I need to “get on with it”. I cannot explain the deep hole I feel in my heart. All of you seem to have felt the same thing. I knew that my son’s cancer was terminal from his diagnosis in April 2006. He asked me to be strong for him and I continued to work at my job, worked shorter weeks, went to treatments with him, talked to him every day, helped him and his family in every way possible, was strong on the morning of his death and throughout the wake and funeral service and for approximately 2 weeks after and then the flood gates opened. I feel as though a part of me has been ripped away. I just cannot understand why it was not me or one of our 3 aging parents. I watched helplessly as my son fought valiantly to stay with his little girls and I could not do anything to help him. I miss him so much and I cannot help but feel that his life was much too short. I have been seeing a grief counsellor and I am trying to cope and am always there for my granddaughters and my other 2 sons and my husband. I feel that I am letting everyone down because I was always “the strong one” and now I am completely lost. I understand everyone’s pain and I do believe that until you have lost a child you cannot understand how it feels. I know he waits for me at Heaven’s Gate and our faith is all that is carrying me through this journey.
Blessings to you all
Lynn
Lynn, I relate to you and feel your pain…I lost my son two weeks ago to cancer. He was also a very strong warrior with two small children. I was also strong like you , but now am falling apart. I went to treatments with him and surgeries and watched him go through in-human suffering. I feel as though a part of my heart is gone and things will never be the same again. I have three other sons and four grandchildren. He was a twin and we stayed with him for one month, with Hospice, until he died. He took his last breath five minutes after his twin took his hand…he came into the world with his twin and left with him. I never wanted to live long enough to bury a child, but continue to count my blessings. They wouldn’t want us to stop living, but we need to go through this period of mourning. Try to do good things for yourself and stay healthy and keep that strong faith.
God bless you,
Liz
I too also lost my son, James on Dec. 20th of 2007. One month after he turned 20. I have daughters 14 and 15 and I thik God for them every day. But i can understand everything , everyone of you talk about. The pain is so hard, you feel like it will never go away. He his the last thought I have when I go to sleep and the first one when I wake up. I too thought I didn’t want to live after I lost my son but, I know that he would not want that for me or his sisters. He was a caring and wonderful person who loved to help others. So in his memory I try to do what he would have wanted. He was a organ donor and I know that he was able to help someone else and that helps a little. The holidays are hard but, then everyday is hard. I have not found a support group here where i live so i thought i would look online. Just reading your stories helps me know that I am not alone. Thank you for listening to me. Sarah
I lost my 42 year old son to melanoma cancer in May 2007. He would have been 43 on his next birthday in June. Until now I thought I was handling his death very well and people wondered how I could be so strong. Even I wondered why I was remaining so calm. All of a sudden, the grief has hit very hard. I was told that this time would come. I have two other grown children whom I love very much, but I find myself longing to go on and be with my son. When Brent knew he was dying, his main concern was that he did not want his loved ones to grieve over his passing. I know he would not want me to feel this way. I know it is a valley that I must walk through with God by my side. I am thankful to have found this website.
Hello to all, Ramona i,m so sorry for loseing your son to melanoma, in 1992 my daughter had melenoma but she was lucky she survived it, but she went through several surgeries, lymphnodes, etc. we are very thankful for that, but as i wrote on here last july 5 i lost my 43 yr old son in an auto accident and some days i barely get by but some days i can,t stand it. My drive to live is gone even tho i do have 3 older daughters, he was my baby (the youngest)I cringe when the 5th of the mo. comes Thanks for this site, i know i,m not alone we are all grieving here and i am sorry! I am researching heaven and i,ve learned a lot about it that is so amazing, GOD BLESS ALL
Thank you, Evelyn. I am thankful that your daughter survived her cancer. I am very sorry about your son. I think it is a normal feeling to want to go on and be with our deceased children, even though we don’t want to leave the others behind. I’m sure this feeling will lessen in time. I honestly don’t know how I would get through this if it were not for my faith in Jesus. God Bless You!
I have read the replies above, and in a way it is comforting to read how people feel after losing a grown up child. I dont feel so alone after reading this. I lost my youngest beloved daughter Nina on the 7th of November 2007. She turned 18 on the 14th of August. I miss her so much that it is sometimes hard to acknowledge that I have to keep living even though I know I have to.
I know only to well what you all are going through. My 32 year old son died Jan.11th 2008 he would have been 33 tomorrow feb. 18th. I don’t think it is any easier losing your child that is an adult I don’t think it matters. You love them before they are born and you never stop loving them or love them any less. And as a mother you want to protect them their entire life. It is just so sad when you can’t keep them safe and keep them here. The law of nature we are suppose to die first and it is the worst thing in the world to bury a child or grandchild. All I can do is hope it gets a little better with time, if it don’t I don’t know how much longer I can live this way. I just wish God would take me too. Then I could be reunited with my son and my dad. God bless and keep each and everyone of you.
I just happened to come across this website as I was going through my “favourites” and I guess when I saved this under my daughter’s name I was not ready to reply to anyone and could not do this six months ago. I lost Sarah August 12th 2007 at age 27 in a fatal car crash. I was away and she had been taken to the hospital, at 11:00 at night the call came in and we had a three hour drive. She was in surgery when we arrived but the injuries were many, I got to see her in a hospital room hooked up to the monitors but I feel she was already passed, they had revived her three times so I said no more, the monitor flatlined and I looked up to talk to her. And now the tears fill my eyes as I am typing this. How we are all going to get by without our adult children and I know all we can do is try again everyday we awake. Sometimes we can remember without tears and other times the tears just roll down your faces. We will never be the same and noone who has not had this experience could possibly understand or judge. Everyone has their own time and way of dealing with this. I have been on a fitness regime every morning for some reason it keeps me focused and gives me something positive to do. I applaud all of us that can reach out and connect with others and there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone in having to deal with the heartbreaking experience. It certainly changes your focus on life and it is very hard to care about things but I am afraid we have to we have no option. We go to sleep every night and wake each day and here we go again. I tell myself I have an angel on my shoulder and I talk to her when I am on my treadmill. I send out my prayers and love to all you grieving parents and hope one day we recover to some degree. I am having a tough time as her birthday is in another ten days and I am not looking forward to it. Jane
Jane, May God bless you and give you peace! After my son died, several of the family and his friends had dreams which they said were comforting. I didn’t want to dream about him because I was afraid that when I awoke and realized it was just a dream, I would be depressed. However, one night I did dream and it was the most beautiful comforting dream. I saw him well and healthy and strong. I went to him and touched his chest with a bit of hesitancy, not knowing quite what to expect. When I realized everything was okay, I leaned in to give him my full mother’s hug. I snuggled into his neck like I had when he was alive. (He was always a big guy and I loved to snuggle up to him and feel warm and loved.) The dream was over in a flash, but when I awoke, I could still feel the warmth of that beautiful, familiar hug and it stayed with me for several days. It was so vivid that I felt like I had actually received that hug. Brent is in Heaven with Grandpa and Grandma and I am so looking forward to seeing them all again. My heart is with you.
Ramona
Hello everyone,
As I read the tears roll down my face, it’s been a hard day for me today. Justin was 26 when he died on 22nd August 2007. He got his new bike on the Saturday and was killed on the Wednesday. I have other children - natalie is 25, Bradley is 20 and I’m blessed to have a very late baby Sebastian who is 20 months.I have two wonderful little grand daughters Jemma and Ruby. I thank God for the little ones, they force me to laugh and play and get up in the morning, but it doesn’t take that pain and longing that I have for Justin everyday.It seems to get worse, I miss him so,so much and wish I could hold him and smell him one more time.I run a griefshare group at my home and it has helped me so much.It helps to share with people that understand and I encourage all of you to continue to share with others that can listen, love and support.
God Bless,
Lianne
Like everyone here I never thought I’d leave messages on a blog about my darling son. He had just turned 20 years old a few months ago and floated somewhere between pediatrics and adults. He died from a rare abdominal sarcoma just a few weeks ago after battling for three years. We brought him home on hospice for two weeks where he was surrounded by his family, dogs, and friends. He knew he was dying and it was by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever done to tell him it was okay to go. I knew it was for the best but my heart was screaming the entire time. He passed away peacefully in my arms. We are at peace with all that occurred leading up to his death as we feel that all was done that could possibly be done. All was said that could be said. But I do miss him so much.
I know how you all feel. One comment that comforted me came from one of my sons friends during his service. He told us that we should not look for reasons why our son had to die, but for reasons why he lived in the first place. That has brought us great comfort as we have wonderful memories and as we learn how he had an impact on those around us. His life was important and he did make a difference .. and somehow that has made us feel more at peace.
Love to all and be kind to yourselves,
Pat
My 26 year old daughter died 3 weeks ago from Ewing’s Sarcoma. We fought it off for 3 years. I took her to treatments, surgery, radiation and chemotherapy in places ranging from Portland, OR to Houston. Her partner, Ryan and I were her “team” and she never spent a night in the hospital alone. I thought we were going to beat it. She was my best friend and a beautiful young woman, inside and out. She had a special quality that most people describe as a bright light. I feel I’m in shock and have to keep saying the words “she’s dead” over and over because I can’t believe it. I’m reading books on grieving and getting therapy, but I just feel dead and numb inside. I don’t care if I live or die. My husband is not her father and even though I know he cared about her, I don’t think he can understand what I’m feeling and I’m almost afraid to talk about Julia too much. It’s difficult.
My heart goes out to all of you. I know Leanne what you mean about your husband. Mine was not my Son’s father either. It hurt him deeply to when we lost my Son, and he is very supportive of me. But I know he has no way of knowing just how bad it really is. I to feel numb and dead inside, but I try to keep going. I have been blessed with a beautiful 27 year old daughter and 3 beautiful grandchildren and love them all with all my heart but they can’t fill the void for the other. They all hold a special place in our hearts and once that place is empty it is as if part of our heart has been ripped from our chest. This is the hardest thing that any of us have had to do. I know it is for me. So hang on to all of us and to God with out God I couldn’t have made it this long. I thought about more than once joining Curtis but I know he would not want me to do that. So I am still here and in my Son’s words still giving blood and keeping the faith. It is sad how we all came to this site but we each know the pain we are all struggling to get through this. Our lives are forever changed but we have others that need us and will all meet in heaven one day with our children and other loved ones that have gone on. I know Curtis is there with my Dad because I have a cousin that seen him in a dream that had not seen him since he was a little boy not even a picture of him. She said God showed her he had been in a dark place and was getting ready to go back into that dark place and God had brought him into the light and that God showed her he had even prayed before going outside the night he died, and that a big black dog knocked him down causing the gun to go off and shoot him. She didn’t even know he had a dog but he did a big black lab that was always under foot. She had seen him in 3 dreams. One he was just going out of his back door of his house and the other one he was whittling and smiling at her. She ask us if he worked with wood because she didn’t know that either. And he did he had made all kinds of things from wood, including a cedar jewelry box for me. The most profound thing that happen though was a couple of weeks ago my cousin’s blood sugar crashed and she died and had to be resusitated. She told me she went as far as the river Jordan and two people were waiting on the other shore for her one was a woman and one was a man with his back to her, he turned around and she said it was Curtis and he waved for her to come on across and said we will go fishing then she was brought back. She knew it was him because by this time he had been dead for a while and she had seen his obituary from the funeral. In the dreams she didn’t know what he looked like yet but ask us if he looked like his Grandpa and he looked very much like his Grandpa when my dad was a young man. I am thankful that God showed her these things it has gave me a lot of comfort during this terrible time. And everything that God had let her see was true. My Son had been in a dark place and in the past year had totally changed his life. I just wanted to share that with all of you. My prayers are for all of you who are on this long difficult journey with me. I wish peace to us all.
Love, Kathy
I just want to say, I am at tears with what I read, I am a mom of 4 and my brother passed away 4 1/2 monmths ago and he was 40. And I see how tis has affected my mom and she is not take n this well at all. I wish there was a way i could help her, She knows that we ache too and does not want to burden us with her grief, but I could never imagine a pain like that. All thoughts and prayers would be appreciate. Hugs Tracie
Tracie, I believe in time the pain will lessen but I know that this brother and son will always be on your minds. You might try to encourage your mother to talk about him if you think that would help. I love to talk about my son and remember the funny things he did to make us laugh and the tender heart he had. There will never come a time that we don’t miss him, but in a way he is still with us as long as we can talk and remember his life. I fully expect to see him again one day in Heaven.
If you would be interested, there is a Christian website (shoutlife.com) where you can meet and visit with other Christians. Perhaps you could find some solace there. It is a very uplifting website - I have met some wonderful friends on Shoutlife.
Love and prayers
Just last March my 48 year old daughter, mother of 5 young girls died of a cerebral hemhoridge.My older sister and 2 of my husbands brothers came over and stayed in our house for 3 weeks to help us in our grief. It did wonders. The day that they left I really broke down. I don’t feel like leaving the bedroom, I read a lot and watch tv, no cooking, neither my husband and I are hungry much. I let messages accumulate on the telephone. I was never a very social person, I am an introvert and can do without yakking on the phone.
I know that I may eventually get over my grief but if there is someone out there with a similar
disposition than I who can help me to with advise on how to “self help”
Suzanne
I am so sorry for your loss.I know your pain.I too lost my beautiful daughter.Come join us at http://www.mychildlossgrief.org and then join our loss forum.We are sister’s and brothers in grief.
Peace and light
Louise
http://www.angel-keren.virtual-memorials.com/
It is now more than 6 months since my 18 year old daughter Nina died from an overdose. 7th of November changed my life forever. The first few weeks I was in shock, because I didnt know she was into hard drugs, and I was never afraid of her dying. In the months that passed I did all the “right” things, like talk a lot about her with friends and family, writing a diary about how I felt, contacted a grief support group.. things like that. I never tried to suppress how I felt. I had some very bad days, but also days where I could deal with my loss and do other things. In March I felt better, and started going back to work, 20 %. In the beginning of April I felt that my whole world fell apart. I woke up with a lot of anxiety every morning, and the grief and my loss was so intense all day, every day, and I felt completely paralyzed. I couldnt work, and felt that I struggled to get through every hour of the day.. I tried to sleep as much as I could, because being awake was devastating. I thought I was going to die from grief and longing for my daughter. This lasted for 5-6 weeks. I was totally unprepared for this to happen. I feel a little better now, and I have started seeing a therapist. Is it common to have such a strong reaction after 5-6 months? People tend to think that I should feel better, but I actually feel a lot worse than I did months ago. I would like to know if there are others who has had the same experience as me..
Hanne Le-Normand,
Norway
I understand how you feel i lost my son on oct 20 2007 to a gunshot, he’s was handling a gun he knew nothing about and it discharged he was 20, today i spent part of day laying on his grave and i too feel worse now than i did the grief seems stronger and more overwhelming he will have been 21 in july. I am still trying to figuare out how to go on I go to compassionate friends meetings so i know i am not alone but it’s a journey that noone else can travel i just pray for the day that the sun looks like the sun again and not just one more minute i have to get through. love to you all
I feel that I have done really well for the most part since my son died last May 1, 2007, at age 42. I have had my moments of disbelief and cry ovcr and over “no, it’s not really real. He can’t be gone.” But he is! My mother passed away just two weeks after my son did and that hurts, but I must say the grief over losing a child is so much greater and is a very different kind of grief. You expect a parent in their 90’s to go but not your child.
I get depressed and find myself wishing I could just go on and be with him. It seems so strange because I have two other sons still living and six beautiful grandchildren. I don’t want to leave them, so why do I feel this way? I know this is a normal emotion that probably most every parent feels when they suffer this type of loss. It just seems strange when you have other children that you love equally. Why do we feel this way? The only answer I have is that we want to feel relief from the huge burden of grief - life just seems so hard right now.
I committed my life to Jesus Christ many years ago, and if it were not for God’s mercy and grace helping me through this difficult time, I don’t know what I would do. He never promised that we would not go through heartaches and difficulties, but He did promise that if we trust in Him, he would go through the struggles with us. I have found that to be true.
Brent did not want to die but when he learned that he had just a short time to live, he asked us not to grieve because he knew where he was going and he was ready to go. He was a musician (guitarist) and had made a recording of his version of ‘Amazing Grace’ and gave it to me for Mother’s Day the year before he died. This recording was played at his funeral and has touched many lives since his death. This is my most treasured gift from him. I will see him again in eternity and that’s what keeps me going.
Dear Hanne Le-Normand,
Thank you for your message and for sharing your loss with us. I am very very sorry for your loss of your daughter. I too have just lost my beautiful 21 yr. old daugher to drug overdose on Oct. 28, 2007 which also happened to be her birthday. I am a Drug and Alcohol Counselor and I tried everything I could to save my beautiful daughter.Everyday my heart is an open wound that I’m sure will never heal. I miss her so terribly. I cry for her daily. I’ve been to a Grief Workshop that was a weekly commitment for 10 weeks. I go to therapy weekly.My doctor has now referred me to see a psychiatrist for possible medication, as they see my grief and label it depression. Hell yes I’m depressed and I don’t care what treatment or what pill there is, nothing (including time) is going to help the grief and loss I feel for my sweet beloved Elise Ellen Hoskinson. There are times that I have wanted to die, but I keep on waking up each morning. I think one of the things that help me keep going on, is the fact that she left me a beautiful grandson age 4 yrs old whom I am now the guardian of. I hate to say that he is the only thing that keeps me going on because he’s not, I still have a wonderful son who is 28 yrs. old and a wonderful boyfriend of 6 yrs in my life. It’s been 7 months now and I feel worse than I did before. I don’t want to get up in the morning either most days. whoever thinks that you should be feeling better by now, I hate to say it but they are ignorant. Including Doctors with all their fancy degrees. No one is an expert when it comes to grief and loss of a child. We as Parents become the experts as we are the ones going through this devasting never ending grief and permanent loss of our adult children. My daughter’s body was dumped in the desert and found by the police on the day that would of been her 22nd birthday. Oct. 28, 2007. How much worse can it get than that? Police don’t give a dam, just look at the case as another dead junkie. It’s pitiful. she was a beautiful, breathing human being, who became hooked on a drug that she couldn’t get off of. Society is ignorant in so many ways when it comes to grief and loss.We can help each other, and we already are. you have helped me with your message, and I hope that my message helps you. please email me because I do care about your beloved daughter, and I know how you feel and how much you miss her each day, starting from the minute you first open your eyes in the morning. It’s the first thing that you think of each morning and the last thing that you think of before you close your eyes at night to go to sleep. Hope this helps your heart and hope to hear from you soon.sharing my tears.
sincerely, Nancy Hoskinson
n_hoskinson@yahoo.com
sincerely,
Nancy Hoskinson
n_hoskinson@yahoo.com
My prayers are with you as you deal with the death of your child. I can relate because I lost my 27 year old son in March of 2007. He died from Cardiac Dysrythmia that we did not know he had. I found him on my bathroom floor. I do beleive that your entire system goes into shock and the world seems to have turned upside down. But I also believe that my Heavenly Father watches over me and I feel a little better as time goes on. But the feeling of loss is always there, you adjust to it. He was my only child and he left me grandchildren whom I cherish. It feels good to communicate with people who can understand what I am going through. My prayers are with you all.
Sincerely,
Denise Johnson
My heart goes out to all grieving mothers. I now know this is the worst pain a mother will ever feel.We lost my 47 year old brother to cardiomyopathy on june 7th 2008, just 2 1/2 weeks ago.He had been ill for many years and suffered so much at the end. My mother was such a pillar of strengh through all the hospital stays,often staying by his bedside for days at a time.He passed at home, hopefully in his sleep. My poor mom was the one to find him. No mother should have to endure that agony!All you mothers understand her grief and I plan on showing her this website with hope that it brings some comfort during this heart shattering time.One thing helping our family was knowing that MY youngest son and his wife were pregnant with identical twin boys to be born at the end of july. We would talk about how even though God took my brother we were to be blessed by two beautiful babies.It was not to be so. I was still with my mom when just 5 days later I got the heartbreaking phone call from my son telling me that his wife had been rushed to the hospital and that they had lost one of the babies. How much pain can a family endure? Our grief for my brother and my stillborn grandson is so raw and overwelming,yet I found comfort in your stories. I am so tired of people saying it will get better with time,this I already know.What I want for my family is for everyone to acknowledge our grief, and you all have done just that.I am so sorry for all your losses. Thank you and God bless all.
My heart goes out to all grieving mothers. I now know this is the worst pain a mother will ever feel.We lost my 47 year old brother to cardiomyopathy on june 7th 2008, just 2 1/2 weeks ago.He had been ill for many years and suffered so much at the end. My mother was such a pillar of strengh through all the hospital stays,often staying by his bedside for days at a time.He passed at home, hopefully in his sleep. My poor mom was the one to find him. No mother should have to endure that agony!All you mothers understand her grief and I plan on showing her this website with hope that it brings some comfort during this heart shattering time.One thing helping our family was knowing that MY youngest son and his wife were pregnant with identical twin boys to be born at the end of july. We would talk about how even though God took my brother we were to be blessed by two beautiful babies.It was not to be so. I was still with my mom when just 5 days later I got the heartbreaking phone call from my son telling me that his wife had been rushed to the hospital and that they had lost one of the babies. How much pain can a family endure? Our grief for my brother and my stillborn grandson is so raw and overwelming,yet I found comfort in your stories. I am so tired of people saying it will get better with time,this I already know.What I want for my family is for everyone to acknowledge our grief, and you all have done just that.I am so sorry for all your losses.
IT HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I HAVE BEEN ON THIS SITE OR ANY OTHER .I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO COPE HEARING ALL THE FIRE WORKS AROUND MY HOUSE AS IT IS JUST A REMINDER THAT MY SON LEFT THIS EARTH @ 1AM JULY 5TH, I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE SOME SLEEPING PILLS UNTIL IT ALL PASSES OR FOREVER I AM TOLD IT GETS SOFTER, HAVEN,T FOUND THAT YET, THIS YEAR WAS “THE FIRST” FOR ALL SPECIAL DAYS, MOTHERS DAY WAS EXTREMELY HARD,SORRY,I,M CRYING AND CAN,T SEE TO WRITE, “GOD BLESS AND COMFORT AND PEACE TO YOU ALL” LARRYS MOM
My daughter, Alison, died 1/5/08. She was 29 and left a grieving husband and a 2-year-old son. She was diagnosed with cancer of an unknown primary in June of 2006. It had already metastasized. I cared for her the best that I could. Watching her suffer and die was horrific. I was on auto-pilot. I still cannot accept this loss. It is too much to bear.
Hello….this is my first time on this site. I too reach out to all the mothers who have lost a child. My son, Carlos, 18, was murdered, and passed over on June 29, 2007. He passed at 12:12 am (his birth date is 12/12/88)….just 12 minutes after my oldest son’s 30th birthday. A 19 year old man put a 5 foot metal rod through my sons brain…he lived for 5 days in a coma. Our lives are shattered….and still waiting for the murder trial to begin. I too, wish people would acknowledge our terrible grief instead of pretending like it didnt happen and we should move on. Not only am i devastated, but my other 2 boys, now 31 and 22 do not have a clue how to deal with the loss of their “baby brother”. The only comfort I get is talking to or going to see psychic mediums and have them reach my son. My son does come to me sometimes in dreams where i go out of body to see him, or he comes to me clearly through thought. I know he will be waiting for me and meet me when my day comes to pass over. The newspapers and TV media want to interview me, but i don’t feel i would ever find the right words to say how i feel. If I can help any one at all in any way with their grief….please email me. We are not alone…there’s an enormous group of us who are suffering and lonely. I send LOVE to all of you…..Judy
It’s been 7 months since my son James died and it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I think about him all the time and can’t seem to really move on with my life. My son James was the oldest of my three children, my only son. He was just starting his life at the age of 20 when i lost him. I cry every day at any given second. It seems to be easier for the rest of my family but for me i seem lost and sad all the time. I hope with time the pain will get better, for the sake of my othe r two children. Prayer to all, Sarah
Dear Moms and Dads who’ve lost children,(adult or any age)
I just want to say I’m so sorry this has happened to your kids and mine too. My sweet Elise ellen Hoskinson did not get to be with us long here on this earth. Age 21 yrs. old in my eyes, is still a kid. I am still grieving everyday and I feel like a person who has just had open heart surgery without being sedated. My family really acts worried about me when I cry. They just don’t get it and they never will. You guys all understand. I’m so sorry that is what we all have in common, is that horrible understanding of each others pain. So many days still (and it’s been nearly 10 months since my girl left this earth), I go to bed wishing I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. I wake up miserable most days and still am in shock. Most people would read this and figure I’m just some kind of whack job, but they just don’t know, and they probably never will. I hate to have expectations on other people but part of that is probably just human nature, but people just don’t care enough in my opinion. They care for a short time and they just go on with their own little lives. They call you at first and then they stop calling and just fade away.It’s almost as though you never existed and your pain never existed. We are all living in our own personal hell each day. Anyways God Bless you all and you are all in my prayers. sincerely, Nancy Hoskinson please feel free to email me at n_hoskinson@yahoo.com
I can’t tell you how very valuable your wisdom of experience is, to those of us who desparately need to support a friend going through this horrific nightmare. I have read every entry here today, while trying to think of a way to help my dear friend, whose son was killed last night in a horrible car accident. He was 32. Her oldest of 6 children. She lives, eats, sleeps & breathes all of them. And now one is gone. And I know that an irreplaceable peice of her has gone with him. My heart is aching for her and I don’t know how to help. Thank you all for your pearls of wisdom. I plan to be there for her any way that I can. But now I can say that I have some insight about the depths of dispair that she is feeling. God Bless each of you. I welcome any words of wisdom that you may have to offer. Kim kxpowers@gmail.com
Hi Nancy my name is Cheryl I lost my beautiful daughter Tara 27 years almost 9 months ago after complications from cosmectic surgery. dec 21st she went for surgery. Her fiance and I went to see her on the 22nd. On the 23rd of Dec we got a call saying she was found with V.S.A at 6:10 am. She was in a comma until on Jan 5th 2008 they prounced her brain dead. WE let the doctors take her off life support on Jan 6th with all of us there with her. I was holding one hand and her father the other one. That was the hardest day of my life. During the time she was in a comma I was in denial I kept telling Tara to breathe but I new in my heart she had passed away on the 23 of dec. The reason I am telling you this is because if you are a wack job so am I. I wanted to die instead of her I was standing in her hospital room yelling at god to take me not her. For a few months I to wanted to die I just could not take the emptiness and the pain until one night I had a vist from Tara I know it was her because I could smell her perfume. She said Mom I know your sad and crying all the time I am here with all of you. It was my time to go mom but it’s not yours don’t do anything crazy I will be here waiting for you when it is your time. You have to live on like I am still there because I am you can talk to me any time I’m here listening. Take care of dad,Casey{sister}, Gord{fiance} and Bambi and Elmo{her dogs}. Remember mom I love all of you and I will see all of you soon. I love you mom. From that day on I never had a thought of suicide instead I concentrated on what Tara would have done when she was a live. Like her garden this year was so beautiful my husband built her deck in her back yard at her new home she purchased 2 years ago. We are concentrating on things for her. I hope my story helps you in some way. I know Tara is around me, Your daughter is around you I hope u will talk to her and in her own way she will be able to help
you
My Email adress is ElmonBowler@yahoo .com please contact me if you want too