Making Sense of Loss: Synchronicity: David Morrell

HEALING THE GRIEVING HEART
Making Sense of Loss: Synchronicity
Host: Dr. Gloria Horsley
With guest: David Morrell
February 2, 2006

G: Hello. I’m Dr. Gloria Horsley. Welcome to Healing the Grieving Heart. Our topic today is Making Sense of Loss: Synchronicity. Before I introduce my guest, I’d like to talk about synchronicity. Synchronicity is a word coined by the Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung, to describe an experience of having two or more things happen simultaneously in a manner that is meaningful to the person experiencing them where the meaning suggests an underlying pattern. This pattern makes it different than coincidence. Jung believed that many experiences perceived as coincidence were due not merely to chance, but instead suggested some higher governing pattern. To give you an example of synchronicity, the other day I was at a meeting in a hotel conference room when I decided to leave early. I thought myself rude as I was sitting in the front of the room, but I felt compelled to leave. As I entered the hotel elevator, I asked the occupants if they were going down, and they gave me a firm yes. Then I got on the elevator and we proceeded to go up to the fifth floor. Stuck on the fifth floor, the doors of the elevator began opening and closing as though they were in spasm. Finally, after some minutes and button pushing, the elevator started downward. As the doors opened, I came face-to-face with an out-of-state friend from whom I had received an email earlier asking if I might be interested in working with her on an internet project. What were the chances that we would meet at that unplanned moment? Was it coincidence? Too many events. I, like Jung, would call it synchronicity or a higher governing pattern. Please join us on our show today, Making Sense of Loss: Synchronicity, by calling our toll-free number, 1-866, 369-3742 with questions or comments regarding the synchronicities and losses in your life. You may email me through my website at www.healingthegrievingheart.org, and all of these shows are archived on www.thecompassionatefriends.org website and www.healingthegrievingheart.org website, and you can access them day or night. Today our topic is Making Sense of Loss: Synchronicity, and I’m pleased to welcome as my guest, Dr. David Morrell, New York Times best-selling author of 28 books including his award-winning, First Blood, which introduced the world to John Rambo. Dr. Morrell has more than 18 million copies of his book in print, including his most-recent book, Creepers. He holds a Ph.D. in American Literature from Pennsylvania State University and has taught in the English Department at the University of Iowa. David Morrell is no stranger to loss. His father was killed during World War II shortly after his birth. In 1986, his 15-year-old son, Matthew, died of bone cancer. Matthew’s death inspired Dr. Morrell to write Fireflies: A Father’s Classic Tale of Love and Loss. David Morrell, welcome to the show.
D: Thank you.
G: It’s great to have you on. You and I talked about what we wanted to call the show and we were talking about that we wanted to call it Making Sense of Loss: Synchronicity, and talk about your book to start with, Fireflies, about Matthew’s illness and his death. It has some very interesting and compelling synchronicities in it.
D: Well, it certainly changed my life a lot. Just for a little background, my son Matthew was 15 when he came home one afternoon from school with a terrible pain on his right side. It was really, really bad. He was bent over. We immediately took him to our family doctor and at that time, there were some severe chest colds and other kinds of things flying around that it caused a lot of young people to be coming in with pains in their chest. He diagnosed it in that fashion and prescribed antibiotics because, as we discussed it later, he was looking for a horse not a zebra, which is a familiar way physicians talk about unusual diseases. The disease appeared to get better and then it became worse around Christmas time so we then took him back and the doctor immediately ordered chest x-rays and we determined that he had a grapefruit-sized tumor growing out of his ribs, and he was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer known as Ewings Sarcoma.
G: I remember, I think, didn’t Teddy Kennedy’s son have that and have his leg cut off a few years ago?
D: Exactly. Actually it was more than a few years ago. The disease tends to hit young people as they go through puberty as the DNA begins – I don’t know if that’s correct – but as our body begins changing and going into a new phase, and it’s always been my feeling that it isn’t an environmental controller or anything like that but that some fault in the body’s evolution mechanism wasn’t in place correctly and results in growing abnormally when a person reaches a certain age. Usually, the disease hits an extremity like an arm or a leg and then at that point amputation is the preferred thing with chemotherapy, but Matthew’s was in his ribs and so they went through a big, oh, God, it was just awful.
G: Yes, very interesting the way you describe it in your book because you’ve used such a clever way to look at it and we can talk about it in the past, present, future. You’ve been able to put that all in the book which keeps you engaged as a listener even though it is difficult to hear about his treatment. They were quite incredible.
D: Yes, the device I use, as anyone in grief knows, you go through a kind of coulda, woulda, shoulda stage where if only we had done that or if only this hadn’t happened, then everything would have been fine. I decided to write Fireflies, we’ll get to the meaning of the title, but I decided to write it from the viewpoint of using kind of a Rod Serling device, if you like, a kind of Twilight Zone device. What if I on my deathbed years from now were to have some kind of mysterious thing happen that allowed me to go back in time to a week before when Matt died knowing everything that would happen within that week and what would eventually cause his death because it was an odd thing that did it. It was not the cancer. Could it have been prevented using that coulda, woulda, shoulda, if only kind of logic.
G: It was so fascinating that you used that because it occurred to me as that is the way we think. And you really put down the what’s happening for the person.
D: Well, it dramatizes it vividly that frustration and desperation and that sense of this can’t have happened. It’s impossible. I went to bed at night often after Matt died convinced – this is how the shock of grief is so powerful – I was convinced that if I concentrated enough that when I woke up in the morning none of it would have happened and that we would be back where it was and this would just be a bad dream. And then of course in the morning, quite the opposite occurred. Just to fill in with what I was saying, he went through a conventional chemotherapy and then he went through an investigational chemotherapy and anybody who’s been down that route knows you need an ethics group at the hospital to agree because nobody knows whether it’s not proven technology.
G: Well, tell our audience about that moment when they came out of surgery. That was an incredible moment.
D: These things are snapshots in your mind forever. The investigational worked actually very very well for three weeks. It shrank his tumor by 50 percent and boy were we elated. This is the roller coaster of cancer and emotions are up, down, up, down and so there we were thinking hey, we’re in great shape and they gave him another round of chemotherapy and anytime you hear the word “resistant,” you start to say, “oh, boy,” and that’s when I began hearing it because not only did that investigational chemotherapy not work, but in fact, the tumor adjusted almost immediately and grew back within three weeks to its original size at which point they said, “We need to operate.” So it was hurriedly scheduled and we sat waiting. I’ll never forget because it was a waiting room where the television was on, and the Iran-Contra hearings were occurring on that day and they were interviewing Colonel Norris and then suddenly, much sooner than we were told to expect, we were asked to go to a private waiting area, and I thought, “Oh, my God, he died.” Not the case, but what happened is when they opened him, they discovered the cancer was far more spread than possible. On the spot we had two choices. Either say, all right, this is it, we’re done, sew him back up and he’ll be dead in a month. Or take as much of the cancer as you can, sew him back up, and then put him into the bone marrow transplant ward where his chances would not be good but at least it would be better than the other course. And so we were looking at certain deaths with some quality of life briefly or that continued radical surgery and then all this in the bone marrow transplant ward and a slim chance and we had seconds to make the choice.
G: That was incredible. And when you read it in the book, Fireflies, you just can’t imagine somebody put in that position.
D: Well, that’s as real as life gets, I suppose. We just chose that Matt would get further treatment and so they did the radical surgery in which most of his right side was removed, the ribs, what have you, and then the big moment there was he realized how slim his chances were and even with the bone marrow transplant, it probably wouldn’t. I didn’t say this. The doctors said this to him. Matt burst out crying and said but no one will remember me and that’s when I decided however this works out, I would write Fireflies.
G: You decided at that moment that you would.
D: Yes. You know a writer being a writer, you write what just comes out. Matt unlike say a blood disease where you cannot be a self donor for a bone marrow, it was a different type of cancer he had so he could be a self donor which they did pretty efficiently and you get the bone marrow by, in this case, a big needle is injected into the hip bone and bone marrow from the center of the bone is sucked out and it looks just like blood. Usually they take two sacks as a precaution and these are frozen immediately with some preservative.
G: It’s time for us to come up on break now. When we get back, David, let’s talk more about Matthew and his treatment and also about the synchronicities that came up in your life connected with this.
We were talking about Matthew and how he went through all these treatments and he had bone marrow and then he eventually passes away.
D: I was going into a little more detail on the bone marrow because a lot of people don’t know how that works and it sounds so mysterious but there’s some discomfort involved and as I said they use a fairly heavy-gauge needle to get what looks like blood out of the inside of the hip bone and freeze it. So the whole idea behind a bone marrow transplant is that you are the patient. The patient is given a virtually lethal dose of chemotherapy, far more than the person would normally be able to have.
G: Well they always say they can cure cancer, they just kill the patient.
D: Yeah, that’s the thing. He got overwhelmed and it makes you so sick and then directly after the chemotherapy – I won’t say directly, there’s a time gap there – just as you would give intravenous blood, so the bone marrow was re-introduced into him in basically a drip fashion into the vein. The risk of bone marrow transplant is that the amount of chemotherapy that is then administered wipes out the body’s immune system and so basically you’re in isolation and you’re sort of waiting for your blood count to rise and become healthy again so that you could combat infection if you were to get it. A cold, for example, would be lethal. But in this case, Matthew was doing well, he was doing well, and then one afternoon we were talking to him and the nurse came in and did a blood pressure check and said his blood pressure is down to like 80 over 40 which is not good, normal being 120 over 80. Basically he crashed. What he had developed was staph and strep bacteria which multiplied out of control and we have them all over, and basically six days later, seven days later, he died not from cancer but from a heart attack because his veins were totally clogged with the sepsis bacteria as he was given antibiotics and these dead creatures inside, basically his veins became clogged. It was just awful.
G: It must have been a terrible six or seven days hoping that he’d rally.
D: I crashed. Then I suddenly began having panic attacks like crazy.
G: We actually have an email from somebody asking you a question about that. It’s Ben from Ohio and he says, Dr. Morrell, I heard you speak at Compassionate Friends conference about your panic attack. It was helpful to me as I was newly-bereaved at the time and had experienced some of the same feelings. Are you still having the attacks and if not, what have you done to stop them? I still have them on occasion.
D: Let’s get into this. I think this is an immensely important thing to talk about. Basically, when we are under extreme stress, and let us remember that I have a friend whose husband died last September and I was talking to her today and she said, “I just don’t feel right. I feel like I’m in a fog.” I said to her, “Well, of course, you’re in shock.” Losing someone you love is like you’re in a massive accident. You’re in shock and the body does things to us when we are in shock and we tend, for example, to breathe too quickly or we breathe shallowly. Our breathing gets off in one fashion or another and then the body says well, gee, I’m not getting enough oxygen here and it begins to react as if there’s some kind of threat involved. I’m obviously simplifying here. Anyhow, a chain reaction will occur in which there is a spontaneous dump of adrenalin-like substances in the body which cause the heart rate to go up, our respiration to go up, and for us to basically feel as if we’re under attack.
G: Some people feel like they’re having a heart attack.
D: Or a stroke. You have to decide which one because your heart can go up spontaneously to like 180 beats per minute, and you’re breathing like crazy, and then that throws everything else off and your hands and your feet become numb. You get numbness around your palette and then you become dizzy. So, let’s see. Am I having a stroke? Am I having a heart attack? It is one of the most terrible experiences especially since I didn’t understand it. When Matt was in intensive care and then I was crashing, they put me there. I was in the emergency ward and trying to figure out what happened to me. They couldn’t figure out and then finally, by process of elimination, because the extra terror about all this is you’ve got to have all the tests. You’ve got to have EKGs and up from that. It’s very expensive. Finally, if they can’t figure if there’s anything wrong with you, they say, well, it looks to me like you’re having a panic attack.
G: And here your son is in intensive care and you’re having
D: And I’m down in the emergency ward. It’s just terrible. My wife is going back and forth and she doesn’t know what to do. I would be having two or three or four or even five of these a day. You get to a point where you’re nearly blacking out and then, of course, you don’t now what’s going on and as a consequence, the fear of the unknown begins to pile up and I eventually when all of this was done, wound up seeing a psychiatrist once a week.
G: Now what would you suggest to somebody who may be newly bereaved and is having these now? Just to recognize what they are and what would you suggest?
D: Yeah. But, of course, it’s that issue of I was reading the other day about some terrible thing that had happened to a family and then on top of that the grandfather died from a heart attack. If you’re having serious chest pains— And chest pains go with panic attacks and the dizziness does. But so does it go with something far more serious. If you begin to have these, you’ve got to go to a doctor. By process of elimination, they say, well, all right, you’re probably having these attacks. What they’ll usually do is recommend some kind of therapy, a psychiatrist, a psychologist.
G: What would you do at the moment, though? Did you have any tricks?
D: The best thing you can do is get yourself a paper bag, put it over your mouth and nose, and breathe steadily. You’ve got to realize there’s a breathing issue here but if you breathe in and out steadily, the object is you have an imbalance in the blood stream and what you want to do is get carbon dioxide into the blood to help offset all these other things that are happening. It’s kind of a chemistry set we’re talking about and most people if they breathe in and out calmly into a paper bag – you don’t want to asphyxiate yourself. If you need to take a breath outside the bag, that’s fine. But the object is to get a little bit of carbon dioxide and gradually this will calm down. Resting and lying down and also if you suspect that’s what’s happening, there are any number of really good books on the market about panic attacks and in their lesser form what are called “anxiety attacks.” With anxiety, you feel this odd relentless jitteriness whereas with the panic attack, that’s now you’re dizzy, you think you’re going to pass out, you’ve got chest pains. That’s a far bigger deal.
G: It’s time for us to take a break now and I wanted to thank Ben from Ohio. That was a great answer that David just gave to you. I love the paper bag idea because that’s something, as he said, you need to check it out but if you find out they are panic attacks, that’s something that our folks who are right in the throes of loss might be doing for themselves right now.
D: It’s healthful if you get yourself a book about anxiety and panic attacks. I used to read them when I was having it and I’d compare what was happening to me with what I was reading and that helped a lot. It was sort of a reality check assuming, of course, that I’d already been to a physician and I didn’t have real heart disease. Eventually, with some counseling – biofeedback, there are all kinds of fancy words for ways that you want to sort of come to terms with what is basically, if something’s broken in our brains in terms of hormones that it’s releasing and the brain sometimes dumps this stuff when there seems no logical reason to do it, and so the answer is yes, on occasion I still have them. Very seldom. Perhaps one a year and basically it usually comes because there’s too much going on in my life. There’s too many details, too many editors, and what have you wanting this and that from you, and I feel overwhelmed. I tell my wife this, I feel overwhelmed and she immediately knows that I’m heading in this direction. She says, you know, I think it’s time for you to take the day off or lie down and just sort of be compressed. I find that to be very helpful just to be aware that I can’t control the universe. But if you think you can, you better get a patent for that. So that’s the simple answer.
G: Okay, Ben. Thanks a lot for your email. I think that’s been very helpful. David, we were talking at break about the fact that after your son, Matthew, died, you have a fabulous story about synchronicity and doves.
D: As you noted in your introduction, coming from the great psychologist Jung this term would suggest when you have synchronous events that occur, a simultaneous thing which appears to be more than coincidence – too many of them to be coincidence. What happened to me, to my wife, to our family with that is he was cremated and part of that was that cancer, I just couldn’t stand the thought of it surviving. We took Matt’s urn to a mausoleum. I’m Roman Catholic and so we had a priest with us and we had the funeral and then we went to the mausoleum and there were a large group of us. I believe there may have been twelve of which in a certain way is an odd number given where I’m going with this. I was carrying the urn and went into the mausoleum first with the priest and then the people were following. The priest turned ashen and stopped in his tracks and said I’ve heard of this happening and I just never thought it would happen to me. I thought what on earth is he talking about? Until I looked ahead and saw what he was viewing and there was a morning dove inside the mausoleum in what amounted to a little chapel area and it was flying around in circles. Now we can pause here to say there’s no mystery about how these doves, a bird would get into a mausoleum. Somebody left a door open or animals get into buildings sometime. But it’s the build up of details that becomes interesting. He walked over and sat the urn on kind of a pedestal and then began to bless the urn in preparation for putting it into a ditch and we’ve got to think about how a bird would behave in this circumstance. It’s in there. It’s trapped. It should have acted in a panic fashion. But instead it flew over and landed on a windowsill close to us and watched us very calmly. I had this eerie identification with it and kind of a little intuition inside me. I remember thinking this very vividly because when the priest is done with the final prayers, the bird will fly to us and land in the middle of the circle. And that is precisely what happened. Almost as if I had willed it to happen. And so there the dove is and quite calmly standing in the middle of the circle of twelve people plus the priest. My brother-in-law who is a let’s get a job done kind of guy started taking his coat off and said I’ll trap the bird. I said, no, that won’t be necessary. The dove will allow me to pick it up. This is just so weird. I walked into the circle and the dove
G: Did you have a sense of peace and confidence when you did that?
D: It was overwhelming and the sense that I knew everything that was going to happen. The dove remained perfectly calm and I picked it up. Remember, this animal should have been terrified and instead it was behaving quite calmly. I picked it up and I started outside and by then the drama of it had overcome me and I said I will now set Matthew free because that was the identification I was making.
G: Right and you walked out with this dove on your hand?
D: Exactly. I got outside with the dove on my hand. Then it got even more interesting because I opened my hand and the bird would not fly away. It just sat in my hands and I looked at it and now I’m thinking well, when I picked it up, did I injure a wing or something. I said, “I hope I didn’t hurt you.” If you look at this in a certain perspective, it’s a father talking to a son as much as me talking to the dove, and it was at that point looking back at me, it looked back at me and we made some intense eye contact, and then it turned around and flew directly up into the sky. It was one of the most moving and overwhelming and significant events that I’d ever been a part of. I told the story in Fireflies and I told it to everybody I came in contact with and then a strange thing began to happen. In the book business, lord help you, you need quotes from other authors to sort of get the word of mouth. I sent a copy of the manuscript to Fireflies to a priest who was a novelist and he sent me a letter back that he thought the book would do a lot of good because in his experience as a priest counseling people in grief over thirty years, Andrew Greely, I believe his name is, that he himself counseling people had heard stories like that more than 50 percent of the time and that people thought they were going nuts. They talked about this and people looked at them like there, there, calm down, and all that. But he said this was the thing that you heard it a lot and then I’d be on the road promoting this book or that book and people would come up to me familiar with Fireflies and they would say, you know what happened with the dove, that happened to me with this butterfly that followed me around. A very, very odd story about a butterfly that had a smile on its back and then followed a family for an entire summer and then, of course, in the fall it was gone and in the spring, the butterfly is back and they go out and they look and the butterfly dies in mid air in front of them, lands at their feet next to an identical butterfly that flies up and flies away. Usually the person experiencing this – I heard hundreds of these stories.
G: It sounds like somebody should collect them because they’re wonderful, wonderful stories.
D: It has been done. There are some people who studied with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who was a death and dying researcher. They have done a book called Hello From Heaven, by the Guggenheims. I fear that it’s a slightly overwrought title and sounds like it’s a new age book or what have you. Their mission was to collect as many of these stories as they could always making sure they checked the background of the person so they weren’t dealing with people who were psychotic or alcoholics or people who were seeing things.
G: It’s time for our final break now and when we come back on the show, David Morrell, I’d like to read a couple of emails to you and talk about your writing and folks who are interested in doing some writing themselves about their kids.
D: We had been talking about synchronicity and that unusual experience I had with the dove and how when I went around the country, readers would come to me and say, hey, something like that happened to me. I began to realize that Father Greeley was absolutely right that this was a phenomenon of unusual proportions and how to explain it? The coincidences that some of these events are extraordinary. Is it possible that we would have the mental strength to make these things happen? I don’t know. I prefer to believe that there is a spirit that can – I’m not talking necessarily about God in any conventional sense that we can talk about, but a life force of sort of like Van Gogh when you look at a Van Gogh painting. It’s sort of hard to talk about but it’s a common experience for many people, very powerful, and the message almost always is from the dead child or dead relative or what have you, I’m okay. It’s always affirming and positive and almost always occurs in that form, I’m okay, and so certainly in the shock of my grief, that experience with the dove gave me some support certainly when I absolutely needed it.
G: That’s great and I’m sure our listeners will love that story and I’m sure many of them have had similar stories. As I told you, we have a couple of emails I wanted to read to you and one of them is from Wendy from Salt Lake City, Utah. She says:
I work in an independent book store and I’m always interested in what motivates authors and how their work changes over time. I wondered if you think the death of your son has influenced your writing or taken you in a different direction.
D: There’s no question that it did. My father died in the second world war and I was raised essentially fatherless even though I had a stepfather who really didn’t care much for me. Certainly the secret of my life has been my searching out male authority figures who I wanted to give me encouragement and it is because the three of them who generously helped me that I was able to have the success I did. But if you look at my novels up to when Matt died in the mid-80s, if you look real closely, you find a pattern of a young man searching for a father figure of some sort. You have to look close, but it’s there. When Matt died, I had an abrupt disconnect. It’s like I became understandably a different person. I had a whole different life experience. I was fascinated to see without really knowing it, I sort of saw it later, just looking at my later books that the pattern turned around and it was like the father looking for a son figure. Again, you have to look closely but certainly in my mind, I can see the pattern very clearly and that I was following basically the dominant emotion I was feeling.
G: I’m looking at your books right now. The Covenant of the Flame?
D: That wouldn’t sort of fit, but if we looked at The Brotherhood of the Rose which is 1984, pre-Matt’s death, it’s about two young men raised in a military orphanage, and I was in an orphanage when I was very young. My mother had to put me in one for a time. They are befriended by an elderly man who comes to the orphanage and basically he works for the CIA but they do not know that. Basically he, from an early age, makes them think of him as the father and basically trains them to be his personal operative. The point of the story is that he betrays them and that to save himself and the anger that they feel is almost global because once again they’ve been betrayed. The father figure isn’t there and they feel the loss again. I thought about that later and I said, “Oh, boy.” All those emotions from when I was a kid rising up. And then, subsequent to Matt’s death I did a book, for example, called Desperate Measures which is about an obituary writer, if you like, a person whose son has died from Ewings Sarcoma. He used to be a hot shot feature article writer. He had a nervous breakdown. Now he’s an obituary writer. In fact, I always thought this was bitterly amusing. He’s a suicidal obituary writer. In the course of what happened to him, it becomes very Hitchcockian because you know obituaries are written beforehand for famous people, and he writes an obituary about a man who’s not yet dead and drags up information that causes the death of the man he’s writing the obituary about which I love because he’s killed. In the course of the story, our hero uses grief as a survival mechanism because people are shooting at him and he wants to die. He feels just terrible but at one point they’re shooting at him, he says, “Well, let them shoot ya,” and he says, “You know what, I want it to be my idea.” And that’s what saves him and I use everything about Compassionate Friends and everything I knew about grief in order to have the story show how in the midst of his trying to learn to stay alive that he learns to try to come to terms in the book with the loss of his son.
G: How did you connect up with Compassionate Friends because I got a contact with you through them?
D: Years ago when Matt died, I was told about an organization, there was a chapter in Iowa City where I then lived. I thought, well, gee, I felt so bad, how can anybody help me? But when I went there and got to meet this reinforcing group and I heard about all the terrible things that other people, their children, had gone through, I began saying these people are in bad shape and they’re looking at me saying that guy’s in bad shape and so we all got together to sort of help one another. It’s one of the greatest organizations I know of. It really helped my wife and I.
G: That’s great. We’re going to have to close the show in a minute. I’m going to read you a quick email because I think it’s sweet. It’s from Larry from Michigan. It says:
I saw David Morrell was going to be on your show. I have enjoyed many of his books starting with First Blood in the 70s. I followed his career and was really taken back when his son died six months after my daughter, Jane. I want to say that I am glad that you have kept on writing and keep it up because I will keep on reading. Also, Dr. Horsley, thanks for the show and the help I get from Compassionate Friends.
D: You know, some of what I write, I try to put serious messages. I write thrillers. There are action and suspense but there are serious things in them, but if we want to look in a general way, life is a rough operation. It can be a very bad neighborhood, and I believe that the books I write, even on the simplest level, never mind the serious themes I try to put in, can provide an alternative to reality. Some people say Morrell’s books are not realistic. Well, I applaud that because the last thing I want to write is realism because I’ve had real life and I’ve been there and I just prefer not to have it anymore.
G: Absolutely, give us a break.
D: So the books I write, the best mail I get are from people in terrible emotional circumstances who say they picked up one of my books and they got through the night because of it.
G: On that note, it’s time for us to close the show, and I want to let you know that you can contact David Morrell through
D: www.davidmorrell.net and if you go to the contact section, there’s a way to get in touch with me and then if you do that, however, your email gets snagged up by my system and then you’ll get updates about what I’m doing later on, just so you’re aware of that. I try to answer the mail when I can.
G: Thanks David Morrell.