My Daughter Was Killed in November
December 29, 2007 by The Grief Blog
Filed under Blog, Dealing with Grief, Death and Dying, Death of a Child, Q&A
On Nov., 13, 2007 my daughter, Loriel, was killed in a car accident. She was 23 years old and on her way home from work. I miss her so much and just wnat to leave this world to go be with her. I would never hurt myself, but my pain feels so great.    Julie
A response from Drs Gloria and Heidi
Dear Julie,
We are so very sorry for your loss. Nothing we know of is more painful than the loss of a child. Your wounds are very fresh and very raw at this time and we encourage you to be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to grieve. No two people grieve in the same way and there is no timeframe. Staying busy helps. Helping others helps. Having someone who will listen and just let you talk helps. Reach out for help where ever you find it.
We have found that the load of grief is easier if you don’t have to carry it alone and we encourage you to seek counseling or to become a part of a grief group such as The Compassionate Friends (http://www.compassionatefriends.org). The members are bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings who, because they have lost a child or sibling, understand what you are experiencing and can give you the compassionate support you so greatly need at this time. However, we understand that groups are not for everyone. If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support.
You might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/ We recommend specifically:
We will post your note on The Grief Blog because we find that every letter is a help for someon who reads it. You might want to check back for comments that come in from our readers who are especially understanding and compassionate and reach out to one another.
- May 24, 2007 Beth Page: A Mother’s Journey Through Grief
- June 29, 2007Â Dr. Kenneth Doka: Dealing with Grief and Loss
- August 23, 2007 Kay Bevington: Being a Parent without Surviving Children.
Our blessings,
Drs Gloria and Heidi Horsley
Dear Julie,
I am very sorry that you lost your daughter,Loriel.It is the worst thing that can happen to a parent,particularly the mother.You did not have the chance to say “Goodbye†as she was killed in a car accident.I lost my 18 year old daughter,Samar, on September 4th,2006 in a car accident as well and I can relate to what you are going through. I pray that God gives you strength to go on with life until you meet her again.It is normal for you to wish that you be with her.
Thank you for commenting on my poem “I wishâ€. Let me know if I can be of any help.
Best Regards
Randah Hamadeh
Dear Julie, ((hugs)) to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Loriel. I myself lost my 20 year old daughter to a car accident 2 years ago - November 2005. Be gentle with yourself!! Take the time you need to grieve. Read books, read postings on the internet, reach for anything that may give you some comfort and hope. This grief journey is tough, but there are many helpful resources out there that will assist you. My prayers are with you!!
This is the second Holiday season without my son Charlie. He went home on Octtober 25, 2005. He was 22. He was taken in a car accident too. I have been searching for a long time to understand why. We all question death and find things to punish ourselves for. I miss my boy so much but I understand more now. I can’t tell you how to feel or try to understand the grief you feel. We all deal with the pain in different ways.
My son has left me messages and we know that he is with us during this time of suffering we are going through. Pray and ask your angels to help you. Open up to God for he is always with us. They always feel your love even now that they have left this physical existence.
I does get better. I know. The hole in your heart will always be there but the love you will feel if you allow yourself to will help you overcome your grief. God and you daughter will always be with you. Relax, breath deep and turn off your mind and listen. You can’t hear if your always thinking.
I hope this means something and helps.
God bless.
Yes, it is the most terrible thing imaginable. Try to remember that you will not always feel this way.
My daughter was also killed in November,but one year before your daughter in 2006.Analisa was invited to a friends ranch for a cook out ,but she never come home ,she was killed as a passenger on an atv ,she was just 15. I wish i could tell you that in one more year you will feel better,but I don’t it just feels”more” real the shock has worn off. I Pray time will help with our healing.
Thank you for sharing with me, your words mean so much.
Julie
I need some help! My boyfriend has lost two of his children. His daughter was killed 11/15/05 in an automobile accident. She lived in NC at the time and lives in GA. A year and 14 days later 11/29/06 his 16 year old son died from complications of brain cancer. When I first met him he told me all about his children and what had happened, he seemed to want to get past the daily hurt and start living his life again. Yet he is not doing that. I feel that I have helped him all that I can by listening and sharing my own story with him, but he seems like he does not want to begin the healing process. What can I do I am desperate to find him some help.
Denice