November 29, 2007: Arson and the Death of a Twin Son - Dr. Gail Mnger

NOVEMBER 29, 2007 – ARSON AND THE DEATH OF A TWIN SON:  DR. GAIL MINGER.  Gail’s son, 19-year-old Michael, was killed in a fire at Murray State University in Kentucky in 1998.  One year later Gail met with the Governor of Kentucky and asked why universities were not required to comply with safety codes.  Finding his answers to be unacceptable, Gail decided to take action.  She felt that Michael’s death had been preventable and helped with legislation that changed the reporting of fire incidents and other crimes on college campuses.  It became landmark legislation known as the Michael Minger Act.  Gail does her work in Michael’s name as she can hear him say without hesitation, “Mom you need to do something to keep this from happening to others.”

Gail Minger:  I knew he was very special prior to his death, but then after his death of course others wrote us and told us stories and things that we didn’t know even prior to his passing.  But it’s amazing how I would have never imagined me doing the things I’ve done or continue to do.  It’s just as you said.  It propelled me into these things.  It’s kind of laid at your feet and you just feel like, as I taught Michael and Melissa as little children, you have to do what you feel is right. 

Gail Minger:  At first I don’t know that I was anything but in a state of shock for many months, not really believing that this was real.  I mean you knew it but yet you didn’t know it, and I read all the books I could get my hands on and I really worked to, because of having Melissa also, to do what I needed to do if there is such a thing.  And really there isn’t.  We all grieve differently, but there seems to be some patterns to our grief. 

Gail Minger:  I didn’t know any better at that point because I just didn’t have any sense except the grief that carried me forward and that anger, strength.  It’s like when people pick up a car off of someone.  You don’t know where you get that from.  It’s just there.

Gail Minger:  As I said, I really did not know what I was doing.  I just knew something had to be done and people would kind of help me along.  There were wonderful people who supported me and guided me somewhat and I’m pretty obstinate and just would not take no for an answer.  So I just kept pushing forward, moving forward, but I really was still in the midst of a deep, deep grief but again just knowing something had to be done.  And I’m still doing that work nine years later.

Gail Minger:  Well, that’s what I’m told and actually all the universities in the State of Kentucky were required by mandate, through my tenacity if you will, and again I am no one special.  My special part in life was being Michael and Melissa’s mother and I just felt so compelled to do this but when you know that there have been other fires and children have lived because there are now sprinklers in those dormitories, it’s not so much me that I’m thinking about.  It’s that Michael’s death did something positive or the result of his death did something positive as he wanted and would have wanted me to do to save other’s lives.  So that’s the good part of it.

Gail Minger:  The death of Michael was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life and continue to deal with at nine years later because the impact to your life, you have to incorporate that in your living and nothing is the same.  And those that think you want to get back to the same, please, that’s a dream that’s not going to be because nothing is the same as it was before their child died.

Gail Minger:  That’s what we addressed was a very comprehensive look at campus safety, not just fire.  So that was very enlightening but it is a good thing, I think, for any parent to be able to do something like that.  And people say to me oh, well, you’re doing this for – I’m not doing it for Michael anymore.  I can’t save Michael but we can save other children.

Gail Minger:  It was hard for me to even admit but in an hour of a day I would guess that I spent 35 minutes of that hour working with, thinking about, preparing for things for Michael, and my husband and Melissa were after that.  They got the rest of the time left over and I felt pretty guilty about that at times, but Melissa said the most wonderful thing to me:  Mom, we didn’t know we weren’t going to have him that long and I’m so glad that you did spend that time, all of that extra time with him.  But you’re right, and I think that time that I devoted to him during his life, I transferred that to the advocacy that I do now.  It just seems so natural.

Gail Minger:  I’d like to say to all parents who may be experiencing this devastating time in their life, to have hope.  Don’t lose hope, and it’s amazing how the people you will meet and the things that will come to you in front of you, the ways that you may hear your children speaking to you, and listen to that.  Listen for those things.  Listen to the birds sing.  Enjoy the smell of the flowers.  All the things that we are too busy to enjoy.  Michael showed me and many others that it’s important to think of all those things and take in all of the beautiful world around you.  But to please not give up hope and to look to others as this show provides who have gone through it, that we are so willing, so many of us out here are so willing to help in any way we can.  Just to answer a simple question and I would encourage you to ask those questions and do whatever makes you feel better.  Nothing is too out there, and I think that’s important for people to know.