Sudden Death of my Mother
September 5, 2007 by The Grief Blog
Filed under Blog, Dealing with Grief, Death and Dying, Death of a Parent, Q&A
My Mom was so young and so strong. She had no fear even though she had faced many trials. She died in her bed on Labor Day weekend, 2007 suddenly and without any warning. By all accounts from the outside she was healthy. She was happy. She had a daughter and son her loved her dearly. Now she is gone and I am left with the aching pain of her absence. It’s been two years but my life has been marked forever. I feel deep sadness and sometimes hopeless about finding happiness again. I try to cherish the sweet moments I have when I do feel Joy in my heart again. I’ll be married in less than two weeks and the pain of not having her there is almost unbearable. I spent most of my free time with her and we always did things together, even grocery shopping. I wish I could pull up to her house again, laundry basket in tow, and do my laundry and eat dinner at her table. I wish I could sleep in her spare room or curl up watching TV together again. She was comfort for me, a safe place, somewhere I didn’t feel alone. Now even with those around me that love me, I still feel alone. Nobody knows how unhappy I am. Everyone thinks I’m just fine. If they only knew.
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Dear Beth,
We are so very sorry for your loss. Even though it has been two years, your pain is fresh and raw and we want you to know that we understand that. There is no time limit on grief and no two people deal with their grief in the same way. However, if you are feeling deep sadness and hopeless about finding happiness again, we encourage you to seek help – perhaps from your church or from a professional grief counselor. Sometimes it is difficult for us to see our way clearly when we are so overwhelmed with grief and finding someone who can help you “cut through the fog†can be so valuable for your return to balance.
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Cherish the sweet moments with your mother and imagine what she would want for you. As a happy person she would most likely want the same kind of happiness for you, especially at your upcoming wedding. You might ask your wedding officiant help you incorporate something about your mother in your wedding ceremony so you can make her presence more real and acknowledge how much you would love her to be there.
You might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/. There are several shows that focus on the loss of a mother that might be helpful to you.
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We have posted your letter on the blog so it can help others who share the same pain.
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Be gentle with yourself and know that you do not walk this path alone.
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Blessings,
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Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley
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I understand that empty whole that’s left. I have a similar experience… My Mom was about to turn 60, and as healthy and happy as anybody.
My mom, she was the center of this universe, really - even if YOU didn’t know it, the world did revolve around MY mom! She was my best friend. She was a really neat lady, full of spunk and love.
My dad found her dead on the living room floor in the morning. We don’t know what happened, didn’t even know she wasn’t feeling well. She had gotten up some time in the wee hours, walked downstairs and died of a sudden heart attack - she just died.
What do I miss?
I miss calling her every day. I ache to dial her phone number.
I miss asking her for advice.
I miss telling her the mundane things in my day.
I miss her telling me what to do.
I miss her perfume.
I miss her horrible cooking.
I miss having someone who knows me. Really knows me.
I miss having her call me when I need her to. She somehow knew when I needed to talk.
She was Me. I knew what I was going to be when I grew up - just like her.
I miss my Mom.
Two days after my mom died, we received a call from my Dad’s doctor - his colon cancer had returned and it was terminal. I helped my Dad with my Mom’s funeral arrangements (along with my siblings). Then he asked me to be his executor of the estate. I took care of his needs and hospice needs, during his very steep decline - he died 9-weeks after my Mom. He died in their home with us by his side. He died knowing she would be by his side - the sooner the better. He was 63 and at peace.
I lost my world.
6-months after my Dad’s death, I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. That’s a separate struggle/story/triumph.
Then almost one-year from my Dad’s death, my sister and her two daughters were in a car accident - she and her youngest daughter (9) were killed. Actually, my niece died in surgery, and I had to have my sister declared brain dead (at 38) after two-days. I had to…
Then six months later, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. That was last June. He just recovered from a colostomy take-down in January, and s back on the road to a perfect recovery. Returned back to work just last week.
Life Sucks, then there’s tomorrow.
Today was a good day. I’m ecstatic about it. I’m happy to have One good day, because you just never know….
I love my Mom, she was my world
My world is not what I wanted it to be. With each “joy” I cry because I want to share it with my Mom.
I’m an orphan. I miss My Mom, My Dad, My Sister and my little niece.
and here I am, reading/writing on a grief blog.
THANKS FOR LISTENING and hopefully understanding.
Lisa I feel so very very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom in April 2008 and it seems as if I died on that day also. I continue to care for my daughter and my husband but I do not know how I do it. I think about my Mom every day, every minute, every second. I am so angry somehow reading your situation really helped. Thank you and I will pray for you and your family.