The Radio Show Archives Give Me Comfort After the Death of My Son

Dear Dr. Horsley,

I am sitting here this evening listening to some of your archived radio shows. These shows have helped keep me going since my son was killed on 10/23/07 in a job-related accident. He was 40 years old.

I am in individual counseling, attend a weekly grief support group and monthly meetings of The Compassionate Friends. Even with all of this help I still feel like I want to die. The circumstances around my son’s death are still unclear and under investigation so I am still dealing with this aspect of his death.

When I am drowning in my despair, one thing that comforts me is knowing that so many other mothers are dealing with the losses of their children. I long for the day when I will be able to experience joy and not this overwhelming sadness when I think about my son. I can’t seem to quit crying. The initial shock of Russell’s death is wearing off somewhat and depression has set in. I have never been a person to be depressed, but the trauma of my son’s death has moved me into an unfamiliar space that changes daily. My faith will carry be through, even though my broken heart does not believe it will.

My first visit to The Compassionate Friends was this past December 9th Candle Lighting ceremony in Katy, Texas. It was a most gut-wrenching experience, and at the same time very comforting. Being in the room with so many bereaved parents honoring the memories of their children was like nothing anyone can imagine. The people I have met through this organization have given me hope.

Easter Sunday will be the five month anniversary of Russell’s death, and March 25th will be his 41st birthday. I can’t imagine how I will get through these upcoming days.

I have heard many of your shows more than once during the last 4-1/2 months. There are times when I can’t concentrate well enough to read or don’t have the energy for phone conversations, but can listen to your shows. Even the shows with topics that are not directly related to my situation give me comfort. You and your daughter make a terrific team, and have excellent interviewing skills. Keep up the good work!

I plan to be the national conference in Nashville this July. I hope to be able to meet you then.
With peace and sadness,

Cathy Knapp

Houston, Texas

Dr. Gloria’s Reply

Dear Cathy,

Thank you so much for your e-mail. It is comments like yours that keep Heidi and me going on with the show. I initially signed up to do the show for thirteen weeks so that Compassionate Friends could archive it on their web site then when one day I received an e-mail saying, “I only see that you are doing the show for three more weeks. Please don’t quit. Your show is my life-line.” That was in 2005 and we just signed up for another year. Heidi and I are happy to hear that you are listening to the archived shows as we have had so many wonderful guests. We too find that even though the show is about a loss rather than ours we find bits of wisdom from all of our guests that helps us on our journey. All I can say to you is to hang in. As if you had anyother choice. I remember thinking that, “I have been given more than I can ever bear” but as time has gone I have again found joy, hope, and happiness in my life and I know you will too. I am glad to hear that you are going to National as there will be many wonderful workshops. Please know our hearts are with you and when you go to the National Conference come up to me and remind me of who you are.

Fondly, Gloria