Thoughts on Mothers Day From Dr. Gloria

Mothers Day and Fathers Day can be difficult days for both fathers and mothers.  We can feel so lonesome and so confused at what it means to be a bereaved parent.  It can also be a day that sneaks up on you especially when you may have felt that it was not an especially important day.  My husband, Phil, likes to call them Hallmark days.  A day invented to sell cards.  Prior to Scott’s death I never liked Mothers Day much because I would go to church and always feel a bit of a guilt trip like I didn’t feel that I was a model mother.  After Scott’s death I felt even less adequate.  The what-ifs came up for me: Why didn’t I stop him from going out?  Why didn’t I let him drive my car?  Why wasn’t I better able to deal with his death? Why wasn’t I a better parent to my living children? 

After a time I realized that I was the best mother I could be and that the greatest gift I could give my children was a happy mother.  This mothers day I plan to relax and go to brunch with the family and some friends.  Mothers Day is not my favorite holliday but guess what it is only one day and I am VERY HAPPY about that. 

Note: You will find the initial correspondence about Debra Reagan’s pre-mother’s day luncheon and a report on its success below.  The invitation Debra sent is below in the  post, “About Mother’s Day - May 11th. 

Gloria,
I wanted to give you a post lunch update. We had 8 mothers and 1 sibling come to our first Pre-Mother’s Day lunch for bereaved mothers. Two mothers sang for us. One shared a beautiful quilt made in memory of her son. Another mother made beautiful garden stones for all of us. Everyone shared warm memories of their children and hopefully found some healing. We are making plans to continue to meet and to share.

Hugs,
Debra Reagan

Hi Debra,
What a wonderful idea! We will share it on the show and on the blog.  Best wishes and thank you for your inspiration.  Fondly, Gloria

Gloria,
I would like to share something I am doing this year along with another bereaved mother in preparation for Mother’s Day. Attached is a copy of an invitation for a get together we are having. I have already gained so much from this. It has given me a reason to actually look forward to this holiday. This almost feels like the first thing since Clint’s death that has given so many of us in the family a reason to pull together and to work on something positive. My son and daughter-in-law are helping with the food. My sister has helped with the invitations.

This event feels like a coming together of generations of mothers. I am using my grandmother’s silver, my mother’s dishes, and a flower vase from my aunt.
Thank you for this chance to share and for the work you do. You have been an inspiration.

Debra Reagan
www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com